Can you be a feminist housewife?

we split on all our baby costs. i had a spreadsheet.all equitable.yes baby is a joint undertaking both pay all costs

but, i am not going to partner for an allowance or money to spend on mat leave. never reliant upon him before so not going to stat needing allowance when pg

and i went back after 6mth when the mat pay ended.had it all planned out ttc

Saving for mat leave is a good idea - but saving to pay 'your half of the bills' or for your own personal spending money when you are having a baby 'for both of you' is a load of bollox. How is your husband going to contribute to 'his half of the pregnancy' and bringing in a cup of tea won't cut it.
The savings should be as a couple. Why should one half of a parenting couple be penalised?

i think your approach is v sensible pam.i saved when ttc and when pg to have my own money on mat leave and spend as i wished.also had mat pay.but would never consider approach dp for money.we maintain seperate personal accounts,and joint for mortgage,utilities,nursery and house stuff

Lenin I don't think I am crazy for saving to maintain my standard of living during mat leave? Why would you think that?

House costs will be made good by OH but I don't want any extra from him. If I want to spend money on myself I should earn it - I've lived by that all my life. No credit, no debt, just work hard.

I'm not having The Boy for my OH we are having a child together so that is equal responsibility. Equal to me includes financial. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being a bit crappy to my OH as I don't let him treat me that often everything is 50:50. If my income in the long run was compromised (we currently earn the same, well i'm a bit higher) then we would discuss what that meant in financial terms.

TheReal that was me. I believe I am responsible for my own financial security.

I am not married, no intention of being, but I live in a family unit (when the boy is born). In the UK I have very little legal protection of my financial call on my OH and I don't believe I should marry for legal reasons.

Financial independence may not be your answer but it suits me fine. We share house costs and for the duration of my time off work he will pay my share without me losing equity in the house - so in effect I am paid. But I still have my independence as I have saved for it.

It maybe my over developed sense of independence that drives my kind of feminism though i am generally gender neutral in all my dealings. If OH was taking a year off I'd pay his house costs. We see the absence of nursery fees as a saving so the time spent raising our own child is a job as the financial benefit is real - even if it is cost avoidance.

freelance writing has copy standards - not paid if commissioning ed desnt like it
you have to do it a set time frame
usually to someone else house style and a content they want to print
so there are parameters within being freelance

May I ask how you work it Lenin? Please don't answer if it is too personal.

because if you chose to give uo earning youre dependent upon someone else goodwill or hope they pay a pension or retirement plan for both of you. thats what is so precarious.the no safety net and financial social dependence upon someone else

Freelance writing is unregulated and not inspected either.

Further up someone mentioned paying extra into her pension and saving up for having children and staying at home etc.

I don't think that this is the solution as it places the full responsibility on thee me while it is the whole family (society really, but let's stick to family) that benefit.

If one parent stays home to care for the children and the home it allows the other parent more freedom in persujg their career. Thereby enriching (ideally) the family. Why should the one adding the value at home also be the one solely responsible for own individual financial security?

paid childcare cm/nn is a job and highly regulated and inspected
sahm is not a job and unregulated

no,its a set of tasks individually undertaken for your own dc,to your own specific standards.not externally validated or checked by anyone else

a job is set of tasks for salary undertaken to someone else external standards,usually a check and balance that the job undertaken to specified standard

job usually has some kind of regulation and supervision

a job is paid a salary and generates profits.tax and ni redistributed

job has certain minimum standards or time to be completed in

sahm as individual act
no checks and balances and not accountable to external others
unregulated
not paid

I was wondering whether 'us' women were different from 'you' women

I'm sorry SM, but it is a job. Real people make childcare their career. it is devalued though as it is seen as woman's work. Hence the low pay grades for childcarers. The people raising the next generation are paid very, very little. This should be of concern for us all.

But you are right, one should weigh up the pros and cons and make the right decision for you and your family.

its a valid response to the 'ardest job in world speech oft heard.if it suits you and you weigh up pro and cons by all means do it.but for love of god dont make out its something its not eg a job or a sainted act

Who gives a flying fuck whether SAH parents benefit others?
People should do whatever they feel is right for their own families, thats if they are lucky enough to have the choice, the majority of women have to work due to the obscenity that is house prices, most families now need two incomes to afford a house.
SAHMs often go on to caring for elderly relatives too, how much money do you think that saves the country? Much, much more than not paying tax for a few years, that's for damn certain, oh that's right, they get a carer's allowance to live the life of Riley on .

I might not pay tax in my p/t job but what about all the tax on fuel and all the other essentials we have to buy? I've just booked flights and over half the amount was taken in goverment taxes!
The reality is that most women work because they have to - there's very little in the way of choice about it.

you're being too machivellian. outsourcing was explained to me as tasks you dont or cant do and pay someone else for,like childcare.do meander over to any working mum nursery thread,its all there

Meh - it's rare. And with "outsourcing" I suspect you are referencing one poster...