is your life as feminist as your conviction?

Yes, thanks, I do :)

I was driven to a very bad breakdown by a bullying boss and a head-fucking husband. However, I did get the boss fired and am pretty sure the husband left because I was insufficiently compliant.

There's a great deal wrong with me and my life; I am a work in progress and am proud of this fact. I can, however, say I live by my values.

We live in a society not of our own making, which means we have to do things to get by that make not be in line with our feminist beliefs. Our 'choices' are not freely made, no-ones are.

I stood up for myself at work when I found out I was getting paid less than the men

Unfortunately I was pg at the time
And strangely they didn't agree to me going part time after mat leave and that was that

See the mistake I always make is thinking that organisations and things like that are fair. Not individuals, no, but organisations, especially large ones. Then when I find out they're not it always comes as a shock.

I am too logical really. If something doesn't make sense it doesn't occur to me that it might be the way it works IYSWIM

relationship and housework split are good, but we don't yet have children, and i do notice a difference in our attitudes to housework

elsewhere... I work in a very family-friendly company (for men and women - lots of men leaving to pick up children or work at home with ill children, as much as women). also lots of women there, but noticeably not at the executive level. I don't come up against many anti-women's rights issues at work

I have signed petitions and written emails, but not been on any marches or part of any groups

i put my efforts into not damaging other women iyswim - in thought and deed and where I spend my money (this last is difficult). I also discuss things with dp who is a teacher in a boys' school so in a good position to sort out attitudes

I could do better I think, but have personal issues atm so am being selfish

Hmm not really.

My relationship is good but maybe a reversal of usual roles than equal if I'm honest.

I try to avoid the worst stuff for my children and give the stories with positive female role models and that looks aren't the be-all and end-all.

I don't wear makeup or shave my legs or pits (at the mo) but I would if I felt like it, and also know that it's more laziness than any kind of statement as my looks are pretty reasonable without makeup and I'm fair.

When I give to charity I do tend to give to things that help women and children though.

I have worked for a fairly feminist organisation.

I go to the conference thingy (as do you!!!)

I natter on here

I sign petitions and have written to MP

I reckon that's good enough TBH. It's good enough for now.

I think that anything more is getting into the realms of opting out of socities norms to an extent that might be uncomfortable and require explanation, and while that's great for people who do it, I don't think it should be expected. And I don't think it is expected.

Being a 'perfect' feminist is hard work but being a 'perfect' woman is harder.

I dont feel any conflict with my feminist views when i wear make up etc but i hate that sometimes i have to keep my mouth shut or ill fall out with all my family and friends.

not really, no.

was thinking this the other day in terms of my mother compared to me. in some ways she's much more out there - she's always worked, she now has quite high flying jobs, she sued her local authority employer years ago for sex discrimination (and won), she is totally comfortable with the fact that she has the traditional "male" role in my parents' relationship. whereas i work locally for minimum wage (despite being higher qualified and with better experience years ago than my H), have no desperate desire to achieve in terms of employment and i believe that my relationship with my H works better when i force him to take on the traditional male role (i was main breadwinner for 2.5 years and he was a SAHP for a chunk of that time - did not work well at all!).

but my mum is much more concerned about "what people think" and conforms much more in that respect - she wasn't happy when i didn't take my H's name, she had a meltdown when i talked about giving DD my surname and DS my H's (they both have his name as i wasn't bothered enough to cope with her hysteria!), she wasn't happy when my H asked his best friend (a woman) to be his best man, etc, etc.

the one area i believe that i do manage to be pretty feminist is in raising my children - both of my kids have been brought up to play in whatever way they want, if everyone else gives them stereotypical toys i give them the opposite, if DD refuses to wear skirts while DS wants to wear a pink headband then that's fine.

Hmm. I do think it's important for a relationship to be consistent with your values, for your own happiness. Otherwise you sort of end up feeling you're betraying yourself iyswim (not to mention giving a bad example to any DC).

But I don't think it makes you a failed feminist - because I think feminism is about beliefs rather than actions. I think it means you are not practising what you believe in, but it doesn't change the facts that your beliefs are feminist.

think piv'd means fucked

have not developed taste for clunge if that's what you mean though don't understand why therapists don't offer this, if it is still possible to be reprogrammed as hetero why not another way?

What is a feminist life though?

I try to ensure that I am not forced into doing anything/taking on any particular role "just because I am a woman" and likewise that my DH is not forced into a particular role "just because he is a man". And I try to challenge sexist assumptions as and when I see/hear them. Does that count?

However, I am married, wore a white dress, was walked up the aisle by my father, I wear heels (sometimes) and makeup (pretty much always). I intend to take ML whereas my DH will not take much paternity leave, I expect that he will become the main breadwinner and I will take more of a back seat work wise and take on more of the household responsibilities... But I don't see any of those as being incompatible with feminism because they are all my choices rather than anything I was forced into simply because of my gender.

(Oh and what does piv'd mean please ?)

I don't see the problem with having high ideals as long as you try to live up to them.

There are lots of things in my life that are not very feminist. I got married in a ridiculously sexist ceremony last year, which I didn't believe a word of; I've failed to walk out of nasty misogynistic work environments; I don't spit feathers when my 87-year-old neighbour calls me 'missus'.

There's a few things I've done that I'm actively ashamed of - I used to think porn culture was very cool ; I let a misogynistic bastard walk all over me and steal my money.

All you can do IMO is see yourself as a bit of a work-in-progress ... decide what you have the energy to do, and do that. Don't judge other people too harshly if you think they're not perfect feminists - you're not.

Sorry, that's all a bit rambly and vague ... is there something bothering you particularly, posie?