"Being happy is not a feminist issue"

I think happiness is a feminist issue because so many women put their own happiness below that of their partners, children, families, work colleagues, etc. So many women are not assertive enough to put their own needs first, the needs that would lead to more happiness for them. And when women do try to put their own needs first, they are often accused of being selfish and guilted into not doing whatever they want to do.

You see it over and over in Relationships -- I'm so unhappy but I don't have a good reason to leave. Ai yi yi, being unhappy is a good reason! Or the recent thread where a woman wondered if it was okay to go on holiday without her teenagers, and people responded telling her she was a selfish cow. What the hell?

I see the media blaming lack of a father figure too. There we have a problem

First posting ever in feminism (thread in most active).
Isn't the concept of 'happiness' a fairly modern idea? I mean that untill recently most people were focussed on survival and it is only fairly recently that we have had the luxury of focussing on happiness. I don't think previous generations were bought up to expect to be happy, they were bought up expecting to work hard and if possible 'do good'.
I think there is too much focus now (media led?) on happiness as a main goal and that if people accepted that everything isn't always a huge amount of fun instead they might actually be happier! The old fashioned concept of contentment. For example people are encouraged to find a job they 'love' rather than a realistic, sensible career in line with their abilities.
I think women are particularly prone to over analysing their 'happiness' and expecting too much, I blame wretched magazines! we have also been bought up to believe that we can 'have it all' - fab family and great career. For most of us that ain't true! I went to a v academic school but now wish I'd learnt to sew and cook at school - would have been more useful than physics!
So yes feminisim has freed us from much drudgery and opened up opportunities, but bought different challenges with it.

I'm not saying it's all down to hormones for everyone, but as a sufferer of horrendous PMT and hormone based depression I can vouch for the fact that body chemistry can totally fuck you over. The ups and downs can, for some women, be quite debilitating. I certainly know a lot of women who suffer with various gynaecology complaints and are unhappy for it. Maybe men suffer from hormone issues but they just don't go to the doctor or discuss it as much. Perhaps that skews the figures to an extent.

I'm wth HerBex. I'd say that more than half of the marriages that break up because of non-specific reasons (i.e. general 'unhappiness' as opposed to abuse or infidelity) are brought about because of an unfair division of domestic labour. I am basing this on anecodotal evidence both on here and in RL, but as I have moved in very many different social circles all over the country and abroad, I am convinced that empirical research would back me up. (It might already be out there for all I know?)

That is a feminist issue. It's 2011. How come women are still bearing the brunt of domestic labour? (And I'm only counting housework here, not childcare; the situation looks even worse if you do that).

I'm a single mother. I have to say that in RL I've never received any negative comments (apart from a well-known local man who hates everyone and clearly has MH issues). The stereotyping I see in the media though, deliberately IMO led by politicians (of all colours) sometimes makes me feel very sad. It's scapegoating. It serves no purpose other than political capital gained by whipping people up into self-righteousness and deflecting anger away from where it ought to be directed.

What troubles me is that people are guilty of perpetuating these attitudes even though they nearly always qualify it with "but I don't mean people like you, I mean those other single mothers" (the ones who have 20 kids by 20 fathers by the age of 21 and live in a 10-bedroomed council house paid for by tax payers etc). What they don't realise of course is that most single mothers are like me (30s, divorced/separated, working) not like the stereotype.

if you worked at your relationships and didn't kick the man out or cheat on him, they probably wouldn't be single parents. They could just use contraception

Mitch, I'm not sure that's true either

A lot of women have a sense of entitlement that is generationally inspired: they were brought up by mothers who ruled over house/home/children and who dreamed of power and money. They managed successfully to raise daughters who were able to hold their own in the world of work, but found it very difficult to relinquish any hold on house/home/children.

I think that women are more vulnerable to unhappiness, and part of that is biology IMHO. The hormone rollercoaster can be a complete arseache.

This thread is going right over my head, sorry. All I can think is, if feminism isn't making you happy - not all the time but the majority of it - you're not doing it right.

Why do you think there is hatred of single mothers HerBeX? What is the rationale for them being a threat?

Ah, ninja, I can definitely see that some of those items on that list are feminist issues.

women generally are much unhappier than men though aren't they? If depression counts as measure of unhappiness

Oh, ok. I didn't realise government officials were blaming single parents for the riots. I genuinely thought society had moved past making such scapegoats. I admit that I'm not a single parent, though, so am only viewing things from the sidelines.

MitchiestInge - nope, I've seen that too but now can't find it on Google.

I think 'being happy' depends on different elements, some of which are feminist issues and some not. This list is from some research I saw referenced recently:

• social identity - feeling valued by those close to you and respected to some extent by wider society
• love and friendship
• having some control over your own life, being able to take decisions
• feeling secure and not worried about the future
• being able to spend time doing activities you enjoy

I don't remember but happy that wasn't imagining own visibility on here chickens

MitchiestInge

"did I imagine all those studies about how marriage makes women more miserable and men happier?"

I think you may have done. The following happiness league table gets bandied about here a lot (or something along these lines)...

Married Men
Single Women
Married Women
Single Men

... and I've not seen the evidence for it. The evidence I've seen is that marriage makes both men and women happier

Yes those people are the government though chickens so it's not like it's some minor tiny fringe of loons that we can ignore. They hold the public purse strings and form policy.

Did those stuies ever come to any conclusions as to why that was? Surely a happy marriage is beneficial to both partners.

Perhaps women have been conditioned to feel entitlement over their children in some cases because it's the only thing they are allowed to have power over? I'm not saying that's the case in all circumstances, but isn't it human nature to use whatever you have in order to survive?

I genuinely didn't think that the single mother stigma still existed HerBeX. When I've heard it shouted, it's always by the same people that blame forriners for taking all the jobs. So I tend to ignore them, and assumed so did everyone else.