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Original poster

Why does DH get angry when I explain why Lap Dancing is wrong?

31 replies

MumblingRagDoll · 18/08/2011 10:54

I should first tell you that he has never been to one....I know him very well and I know this to be fact. He has always been entirely honest wth me.

I used to think they were fine...these clubs...because I assumed the women had chosen this life for themseves...but since I have read so much about extraneous cicumstnces and learned a lot on MN, I am very angry that so many clubs have opened in recent years. DH feels that the women are putting themselves in the way of exploitation and that nobody HAS to strip....I told him about how women are conditioned to feel that their sexuality is their only currency and about how the girls are exploited ad pressured by club owners and he STILL thinks it's their own fault.

He did go Shock when I told him how many of these women are pressured into allowing men to touch them in private rooms and how the mangagment fine them heavIly for being late or sick and he was a bit more understanding but he still feels they're stupid for going into that business.

I have become involved in a project aimed throwing some light on the situation....with the aim of getting attention and creating some protection for the women...better working conditions and he said "You can't DO anything...the sort of men who run those places are scum and gangsters and you have delusions of grandeur" Angry

Is it because he REALLY thinks the women are stupid and the men dangerous or is it because he doesn't like to think of me touching on a sleazy world like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 18/08/2011 11:26

Victor his best friend and his wife go to them sometimes. They asked us years back and we both had no interest.

CRIKRI I don't think it's my involvment in an outside prject...I've always been very active within the arts and have travelled away quite often due to various projects...he's totally fine with that...he's quite a spiritual person..into meditation and thinking...so I can't understand this. He isn't usually close minded

OP posts:
CRIKRI · 18/08/2011 11:16

MRD, really sorry to hear this. It sounds like there are two linked issues - one that you are disappointed that your DH is prepared to defend something you find so abhorrent and that he rubbished the fact that this is something you think is important.

I mean, you have a right to be angry about what you want to be angry about, whether it's the rising price of eggs or the mainstreaming of raunch culture and worries about the impact of sexualisation on your daughter. I'd be very angry if my DH thought it appropriate to diminish my views in that way.

It's good to hear that you have found a constructive way of addressing the issue through the project you mention. It's quite likely that you will encounter even more stories, more evidence that will make you more worried, angry and concerned about the issue.

Just a thought, but might that be part of the "problem" with your DH? Is he resentful of the fact that you are involved in the project, that you are learning and doing new things that don't necessarily involve him or his interests? Might it be that he resents you having other interests, regardless of the subject matter (but the subject matter gives him plenty of fodder for having a pop at you?)

VictorGollancz · 18/08/2011 11:13

Good on you for getting involved! Sadly anyone who tries to change a status quo is going to get this sort of stuff - rise above and feel secure that you're in the right here.

He might not have been to a club but I bet he knows men who have, plus society tells men that it's fine to go to these places, the women all love it, it's their dream job, etc etc. People often get arsey when confronted with an uncomfortable truth that can bring about a seismic change in their world view (or an even more seismic burying-of-their-head-in-the-sand...). If they can shout at you it stops them having to confront where their money has been going, and what exactly it is that they have paid for.

scurryfunge · 18/08/2011 11:12

Does he feel he is the only person in the relationship entitled to views?

Original poster
MumblingRagDoll · 18/08/2011 11:07

It's actually upset me. He tried to bring me down....almost like saying "Why pick this issue to get angry about"

I have 2 DDs....WE have 2 DDs.

OP posts:
Prolesworth · 18/08/2011 11:01

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