Rape fantasy

I did try commenting adversely on Fifty Shades to a fan recently. I said IMO Mr Gray sounds like a dick. She said "Are you mad?" (Actually, I think he sounds really ghastly, but if I said that her jaw might have dropped off.)

Quite possibly

Have I misunderstood you garlic?

... indirect connection: this is why they take collections of illegal pictures very seriously.

Berstie - I've been slapped down for relaying this before, but a police expert told me that men who have intense rape fantasies almost always go on to commit sex crimes. As a red flag, it's right up there with "I don't want you think I'm a rapist or anything."

Eh, cold?

Garlic - Many people reject feminist arguments, it doesn't mean they aren't worth making. Fantasise about what you want, but don't pretend they aren't influenced by patriarchy.

I think as well that it's more acceptable for a woman to admit she has a "rape fantasy" because she's not fantasising about doing anything. If a man said he had a rape fantasy, he would quite rightly be castigated as a potential rapist.

A woman who has a rape fantasy can't go out and invite someone to rape her, because rape doesn't work like that.

A man who has a rape fantasy can quite easily go out and rape someone. Rape works exactly like that.

simply a way of eroticising inequality and oppression. And we are taught to eroticise that.

Ever tried explaining to a 50Shades fan, why it's wrong?
Crappy writing aside, you're the unstoppable force getting battered on an immovable object!

... I like my revised fantasies You should try it!

Yes there is no such thing as a rape fantasy, I agree.

But I think the fantasy of being ravaged, is common. And I think it comes from patriarchy. Patriarchy socialises us to see sex aka PIV, as men dominating women. We are sold this idea everywhere - films, books, TV.

Fantasising about being ravaged is simply a way of eroticising inequality and oppression. And we are taught to eroticise that. It is a very clever way to get us to accept the inequality and oppression as "natural".

Yy to some element of it being about 'good girls don't want sex'. So the ravishing/rape fantasy absolves you of that guilt.

Ok, I know that this is an old thread. But someone on here (I think) made a point a while back that I think is relevant.

There is no such thing as a rape fantasy.

Imagining a rape would mean imaging being attacked (by a stranger, or a trusted partner, or whoever) in a situation where you did not consent, are terrified, possibly in great physical pain....

The point of a 'rape' fantasy might be being swept away, or ravaged. But you are enjoying it. You want it to be happening. Even if the man has simply picked you up and carried you from the bar to a darkened alley, in your own mind you are consenting. You aren't fantasising about rape. It is something else entirely.

Always a good topic; don't apologise! I agree the fantasy's all about 'uncontrollable desire' for you, which is nothing to do with real rape ... and also that it has deep roots in social conditioning. Even today, women are still 'supposed' to be sexual gatekeepers - our choice to 'allow' sex is meant to be a calm, deliberate decision, unlike men who are 'supposed' to be frantic to stick their wick at any opportunity. Throughout all of history, obviously, it was actually wrong for a woman to want sex. So, if a woman feels like sex, she needs to be relieved of the tremendous responsibility attached to it. Hence fantasies of being 'ravished' outside her control, but by a lover and in a way that she enjoys.

Not surprising that a woman in a sexually moribund relationship would have these fantasies: she's acknowledging her desire, and imagining being wanted more urgently than she is in real life.

About this time last year, I experimented with a fantasy in which I 'rape' a younger man. It's good

What people want to fantasize about in their own heads it totally up to them and I think if someone is fantasicing about a situation where they are dominated then of course it is concensual as it is happening in their head.

The idea that the 'victim' in the scenario has a power because the other person can't stop themselves is I think a very sad lie which may well be used in real life to attempt to excuse rape.

Apologies for resurrecting a dead thread, I came here to get some insight into this particular subject and feel I can shed some light on it potentially.

I know that for some women the idea of being raped or sexually assaulted is tied into the idea that the person carrying out the assault is motivated by his/her inability to resist the victim. The idea being that the victim is literally SO sexually attractive that the attacker cannot resist and 'must have them now'. To my mind that speaks of a 'kind' of empowerment and feeling sexually attractive.

My own feeling on this is that I think its fine to think any fantasies in your head but I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing that rape/ravish fantasy with a male sexual partner who could take those experiences on into other relationships/ area of his life.

I don't think Stephanie Meyer stumbmed on (i.e. 'invented') anything, she probably watched too many Hammer horror films.

The "powerless in the steely gaze of the dominating man / vampire" concept has been around for well over a hundred years of popular fiction and film. The 'industry' has always been there and very successful too.

Well actually plenty of men do fantasize about being 'raped'. I have read and edited a lot of readers' letters and erotic fiction written by men about powerful women 'taking' them.
And there is something in the theory of women's rape fantasies being about enjoying guilt-free sex because it's done 'to' them. I wonder how much the percentage of women who fantasize in this way has changed over the past 40 years or so.

Mind you, the thing with fantasies is to accept them, own them and not worry about them. The inside of your head is a safe place, and there is nothing wrong with imagining stuff as long as you don't do things to other people that they don't want you to do. Trying to repress your own fantasies or being horrified and ashamed of them tends to make you miserable to no purpose.

I read an interestic book by Brett Kahr which I found fascinating, although not exactly comforting unless you are extremely confident (I can't fully explain that, but it's a jealousy thing, wanting my lover to be only thinking of and wanting me during sex ... but that's another topic about mental infidelity, which is discussed in this book) He takes on a deep psychological investigation into the individual roots of sexual fantasies, believing them to have personal causes, e.g. pathalogical origins in childhood traumas, reinventing pain as pleasure for example. It's well worth reading. It's called
Who's been sleeping in your head:The secret world of sexual fantasies"

"giving up control to someone attractive, who we know at the back of our minds will not hurt us" is how I would choose to see it. Very different someone carrying out a brutal non-consensual act.

Hi OP, I'm just like you. I love DH to be dominant in the bedroom. I had rape fantasies all through my teen years. Although it was more like, some handsome stranger, rips off my clothes and I end up loving it .
In real life however, I am the dominant one. I am an opinionated, aggressive, crusading feminist!
I'd say fantasies are just that-fantasies. Its great to enact them with someone you trust. There is no need to feel guilty about it at all. Its very common.
I don't think its rape that we fantasise about, just giving up control to someone attractive, who we know at the back of our minds will not hurt us.

I can enjoy a good 'ravish' fantasy. I used to read Mills & Boons, and technically half of that ravishing is rape! But they are fantasies, your mind is your own.

I don't think it is a 'socialised' fantasy, perhaps the Mills & Boons exemplified certain scenarios, but I think the idea of an attractive man who is so full of lust he can't help but take you whether you want it or not (and of course you do - is anyone having rape fantasies involving a repulsive man ?) is the exciting bit. It's taboo, he is actually raping you (not realising you want it) - he must be crazy about me! And there's that 'it's so wrong but so right...' I wonder what evolutionary advantage, if any, that feeling confers?

It is tricky that it makes perfect sense in fantasy world, but is the worst kind of logic or excuse if it was a real life. But who is going to fantasize about the everyday experience?

I think that something that you are fantasising about means it automatically is not a rape fantasy, I agree with GAG that what you want is to be ravished, dominated but purely by wanting it it isn't rape, it is consentual because it is your choice for this to happen.

The reasons why you want this I am not sure needs analysing, I love the variety of the nancy friday books because it shows that women can love sex, love a huge variety of types and turn ons I think the word rape is scarey and a very frightening reality, but as I said I don't think this is what you want.

I recall quite a few Nancy Friday fantasies involving dogs, so I have to wonder were the conditioning for that came from?

As for the rape fantasy, I think Freudian describes it best. Maybe it's better to describe them as 'ravish fantasies' rather then rape fantasies.