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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Are we equal within this marriage?

29 replies

wicketkeeper · 10/07/2011 14:31

We're perfectly happy - but following conversations in which my mother feels DH has a hard life, and DD thinks I do, I've begun to wonder, and would like an outside opinion.
Some background information - currently we run our own business, from home (he does the work, I do the books), and take equal payments out of it. I also work part-time as a supply teacher, so effectively I earn more than DH. In the past we have had periods when I have been the sole breadwinner, and periods when he has been. I do most, but not all, of the cooking (he always has the kettle on and a meal on the table when I've been teaching all day). I do most, but not all of the washing (if I need him to do a wash while I'm at work, he will do it gladly, but is unlikely to notice that it needs doing). I do all of the ironing. I do most, but not all, of the dishwasher filling/emptying. He does most, but not all, of the car-related stuff (I will happily take the car for a service, but I'm unlikely to know that a service is due). He does most, but not all, of the DIY. Once a week we have a mad couple of hours, where between us we do all the vacuuming and clean the bathrooms. He is a hands-on Dad and Grandad. In the past, when he was working 12 hours a day, I would get up at 6 to make tea and toast and fix up a packed lunch for him (as I wasn't working, I felt that this was the least I could do, but my daughter thought he should do it himself).
So, what's the verdict?? Seriously want to know, as I feel I'm somewhere in the middle between my mother's 'traditional' outlook, and my daughter's take on it.

OP posts:
fluffles · 10/07/2011 14:45

i think that instead of looking at the chores you do its easier to work out how much time each of you has to just chill out and do things for yourself and see if that is equal.

do either of you do out of the house things? classes, gym, hobbies? are they equal time? and do you both get equal chance to read? watch tv? mumsnet?

surelynottrue · 10/07/2011 14:44

Depends on whether you are happy there is no one size fits all

ilovedora27 · 10/07/2011 14:43

I wouldnt do all that personally. I have never made my husbands lunch box regardless of whether I am working or not. If he goes and does his 12 hour shift I go to work or I will just lie in bed. He would never expect me to get up if I wasnt off and I wouldnt do it tbh.

My husband doesnt really do much DIY though but in our place there isnt really much to do, so its hard to say whether your husband is doing a lot there. I dont really cook for him much either. I might do a meat in a stir in sauce thing 2/3 times a week and maybe sausage or mash or something but he doesnt get that every day.

We dont have a dishwasher and take it in turns do the washing up. I also dont do ironing either except for DD. I dont do any of his stuff though as thats his responsibility. I would agree with your DD to be honest but I think its a generational thing.

colditz · 10/07/2011 14:42

If you're both happy, then it really doesn't matter.