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Original poster

Found H's porn stash today

55 replies

changedchanged · 01/07/2011 15:32

I've already posted on relationships today and have had some good advice but also feel a bit bashed by others telling me I'm a prude and that I'm over-reacting, etc. So anyway, some of the more sympathetic posters pointed me in the direction of this section for some words of wisdom.....

DH knows I don't like porn. I'm no expert on the politics of it all; all I know is that it makes me feel sick, disrespected, unattractive and disgusted. It also makes me sad for my DDs that they will have to confront this shit themselves someday.

I found a stash of mags hidden in his office. One of them is called Barely Legal - that one obviously hit me the hardest.

I am so shocked. It's easy to say but he is truly such a kind, considerate and lovely person to me and always has been, and a lovely dad to our DC. How can that sit alongside what I've just found?

Please someone give me some words of wisdom. I feel terrible and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
pinkytheshrinky · 01/07/2011 15:43

no your feelings are not invalid but you have asked the question about whether he can have this stuff and that sit alongside being a good father - well yes it can because he has been doing just that.

The barely legal section would have me asking him all about it though - can of worms mind you but i would have to challenge that

goodkate · 01/07/2011 15:41

I think it depends on your outlook, some women don't mind, some others, like yourself don't like it.

I think it is important to understand why your DH looks at it. Is it just fantasy (as it is in most mens case), I think understanding why will help take away some of the fear.

Then you have to explain (not rant) why you don't like it and ask that he doesn't keep it in the house - I think thats reasonable.

I think men are driven in some part by their sex drive, they want to screw all the time. Women don't - well sometimes but you see what I mean.

I think most of it is a safe outlet for their frustration. Don't take it personally, men don't think like women do, they are very different in that respect.

Personally it doesn't bother me in the slightest - in fact I find it a turn on too BUT I do understand why you feel like you do. Just try and discuss your feelings with him and let him explain too without being to judgemental.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 01/07/2011 15:39

Oh god changedchanged. That's so unfair. No it doesn't mean your feelings are invalid. It means some posters are unbelievably insensitive and lacking in empathy!

Personally I would go bonkers if I found that stash in my house and that is a perfectly reasonable response. Barely Legal ffs! I think you need to take a time out. Can you go stay with parents/friends or something? I think you need to make him understand that this is a big deal and you don't have to put up with it.

Hugs to you as well!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 01/07/2011 15:38

Of course your feeling are valid changed.........it is wrong FOR you and your DH obv knows that or he wouldnt have hidden them.

I must admit, I dont have a problem with my DH looking at stuff like that once in a while but even I think that the one called Barely Legal sounds very disturbing!!

I'll let the others comment more, they will be more informed than I am :)

Original poster
changedchanged · 01/07/2011 15:35

By the way the subject of what I found is now on three different threads on MN Sad. I originally posted in relationships, got a bit of a bashing, then found I was getting another one on a separate thread started by someone else saying they didn't understand why women like me had a problem with it.

I feel so crap, surely that means my feelings are valid? If there was nothing wrong with what I found, why does it make me feel so bad?

OP posts: