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Original poster

Starting to wish we had old fashioned me (mum) stay at home, he (dad) go out to work set up :(

106 replies

joric · 29/06/2011 19:36

that's it really and I never thought I'd say it but both me and DH work full time- love my job- I probably do 60/40 childcare stuff he does shopping, some washing, I clean and sort out bills etc....we ate both a bit knackered and things get half done. I am starting to think my grandparents lifestyle was a better arrangement- him to work her at home doing everything to do with the home whilst he is at work and children are at school. They had a very organised lifestyle and evenings were relaxed and free. They would eat together, see family etc as all the chores had been done in the day and his work was done for
the day.
Thoughts please :)

OP posts:
mrsravelstein · 29/06/2011 19:55

for me, i've found that i've lost my identity a bit now that i'm not working.

not because i defined myself by my job, but because my world has closed in so that i rarely talk to anyone other than children, mums of children, the checkout ladies in waitrose etc. Whereas when i was a working mum i had a wider frame of reference, and while i was at work i was just me, not 'mummy'.

that loss of identity has made my relationship with dh unbalanced in a way, he perhaps sees me more as 'just mummy' rather than as a woman. i'm struggling to articulate this, sorry. I think that there is unconsciously a bit of a drop in his level of respect for me as an individual.

Peachy · 29/06/2011 19:55

Downsides avry but isolation can be easy to get into, financial insecurity - it only takes one redundancy and the family is wiped out (been there!0, sometimes it feels Dh has all the chances to gomout and meet people whilst I am here in a fixed routione of school pick ups, meetings about the boys, etc etc etc

If you do it though consider how you can keep something separate: i;ve found I get along better by always having a college course on the go (am at post grad level now LMAO), a hobby or something that is not home life based.

Original poster
joric · 29/06/2011 19:50

Mrs ravel- what are the real downsides of being a SAHM - I am genuinely interested as I haven't been on that side of fence and I just think about my happy g' parents ( without knowing what was really going on in their heads). !

OP posts:
Original poster
joric · 29/06/2011 19:47

I agree DH with shift patterns is hard- I am looking at the ultra ordinary 2 parents 2 children DH job 9-5 DW housewife, children at local school, family round corner set up that my grandparents had and I am feeling envious as we seem disorganised and rushed in comparison!! :)

OP posts:
mrsravelstein · 29/06/2011 19:43

i think it's a really tricky one - having been a working mum but now a stay at home mum, there are advantages & disadvantages to both... i don't think there can be an absolutes... and even though i know that for my dc at the moment it is definitely working out better me being at home, there are all sorts of concessions i have to make in terms of my own self esteem, and how i feel about the balance (or lack thereof) in my relationship with my dh

Peachy · 29/06/2011 19:39

it's never as easy as that; remember what they say about grass being greener? It's true. I used to long to be a SAHM, then I had to become a carer for my Sn son and whilst I cherish a lot of what I have- the time, being together as a family (especially initially as DH worked nights) it's balanced out by financial insecurity and loneliness.