Starting to wish we had old fashioned me (mum) stay at home, he (dad) go out to work set up :(

Oh yes and I was the main or only earner for quite a long time - I wouldn't wish that stress on anyone permanently. It's not fair.

Really? God I wouldn't. When mine were small I wanted to but couldn't. And now I have a good job and haven't lost out re career progression. I can see it would be nice to get the house together and have peaceful evenings but it doesn't always happen like that even in 'traditional' households. Mum was a traditional housewife all her married life - she still resents it. Nothing is ever the way it seems.

my dh is very conscious of the pressure and hates it.

OTOH he feels less insecure than he did when he was less able to work late when needed, go off on research trips and to international conferences, etc. When we were both working we felt that both our careers were insecure because we couldn't put as much into it as childless colleagues.

I think that too-one bloke earning for maybe three or four other people.
Big responsibility.
If I was a SAHM I would take role of being a good homemaker very seriously (as I do now.I am a homemaker first sand foremost.)

Get a cleaner (who does ironing too!)
Shop on line
Organise a routine (for me DP cooks every night. I bath kids. I clear dinner dishes. He put kids to bed. I organise lunches etc for next day. We both sit down roughly 8ish for us time)
Take turns at weekend. I have a lie in on a Sat (with cup brought to me) and DP has the same on a Sunday. Even doing little things for each other can make like more bearable!!

Interesting point Jopric and I agree.
I have a demanding f/t job, 2 kids and a husband who is away for 6 weeks at a time so I have to do everything. I'm organised and manage it and love my work, but yes indeed.There is a certain satisfaction in clear division of labour.

I'm full time with no family help. Hopefully i am going to drop to 4 days soon for a couple of years.

I think that it will improve everyone's quality of life as I can do some of the household "extras" on the day I am off and so when DH is at home it is more family orientated.

SAHM makes the family very vulnerable. What if your husband is made redundant, gets ill, dies? Better to spread the load IMO.

I've only had a 'proper' career in the last five years. Had oldest DD when I was 24, worked part time and was very much typical set up. I started studying (part time) for law degree when dd1 was 2. I finished when she was 7 (by which time I had split from ex h, met and fell head over heels with DP, had dd2). Sat my last law exam when dd2 was 4 months. Took a year off with her and started my career at the grand old age of 32. Now have great job with good money. I enjoyed being a sAHM but prefer the life I have now. DP shares every aspect of chores etc. We have a cleaner. We also make sure that our weekends are solely for family time. And for me, a job I love is important. The kids won't be on my hands for ever, which means I will have something I love to fill my days in the future.

Joric I went from WOHM to SAHM a couple of years ago.
I dunno really.
It is a lot less stressful but I am bored to tears and feel like I am wasting my life. And I worry about what kind of job I will be able to get when the kids are older.
But it really isn't ideal having the kind of life you describe, where all the free times goes on chores and the money goes on childcare, either.
The biggest plus for us now is the fact that when something goes wrong - a child is ill, teachers go on strike - it does not turn into a major crisis. Overall, as a family, we are having a better life, but I am the one that is paying the biggest price for that (something dh recognises; he is very appreciative, which ought to be something you can take for granted but I know there are many partners out there who aren't).

I don't envy my SAHM granny. The person I do envy is my mum, who had her children young enough that she was able to have 10 years at home with us and then go back to her career (teaching) afterwards.
And my other grandma was widowed in 1953 with 3 children and once said to me that in a strange way it was the best thing that ever happened to her because it allowed her to have a career that she really enjoyed.

But I also know that I am very lucky to have had the choice thanks to dh earning enough, so that when combining job with children got unbearable I was able to walk away.

I think the biggest problem with the old set-up was that there was no choice or flexibility whatever. There must have been many women who thrived in their allotted role and many more who hated it and whose talents were squandered. (Not to mention men who would have made great SAHDs.)

the shit thing about working ime is that you still have more than half of the childcare, cleaning and other family matters to sort out. That is why the traditional sahm set up is sometimes appealing to me. Then I'd just have the one job.

of course the difficulty is that you might want to "prioritise" (to use your word) your dc when they are pre-school, but then once they're at school you may want to go back to work again, and it's not always easy to get back into employment after an absence.

i was incredibly lucky to land a brilliant and fairly unique job when ds1 was 4 - well paid, flexible hours, interesting work - and it was such a hard decision giving it up as i doubt that when i'm on the employment market again there will be something similar... but after ds2 was born i stuck it for 6 months and it just wasn't working out...

in an ideal world i'd probably work maybe one day a week now (kids are 10, 3 and 1), and then when all are at school i'd work a 3 day week but with shortened hours. that would be best of both worlds. but the reality....

'family round the corner'

I'm a SAHM without family round the corner, and that does make it harder. I love the autonomy of my life in some ways, but the day-to-day household stuff does bore me to tears. If I just had to look after the children it would be a breeze!

I currently do one day a week in a voluntary job (out of the home and not child related) as well as other stuff like helping out at toddlers, preschool etc.

I went back to work a few weeks ago after my second year long maternity leave. God, it feels great to be back at work.

If we had to have a parent at home it would be dh.

he absolutely agreed it was going to be better for the dc if i stopped working, and he is openly very happy about the good effect it has on the dc... but somehow there is a little frisson missing... (that's the other thing about being with kids all day, i have lost hte ability to write/speak coherently)... i will definitely go back to work when youngest dc (now 17 months) is around 3 or 4...