Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Why do women still get "given away"

142 replies

ledkr · 26/06/2011 18:10

I went to wedding yesterday and was surprised to see the woman being given away by her father.I havent been to that many weddings and dont think ive ever been as near the front before but the father actually placed his daughters hand into her grooms.
Yuck.
I am married and was certainly not given away.
It got me thinking that i guess as this is part of a traditional ceremony that many women go along with this archaic custom.
What a shame.
Am i just being picky?

OP posts:
Original poster
ledkr · 26/06/2011 18:33

Sharing the speech is nice,we actually spoke to our guests as part of the service as id had cancer and wanted to thank everyone for their help.It was lovely.

OP posts:
Riveninside · 26/06/2011 18:32

Didnt do any of that nonesense Grin
mind yiu, my dad had passed away so it would have been tricky. We did a registry office with just parents and sibs then went to the pub

Original poster
ledkr · 26/06/2011 18:31

Im so glad to find people who aggree,my friends all said it was just tradition but id really like to see it dropped. Dh agrees,he's never really thought about it but can see its a bit ridiculous.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 26/06/2011 18:30

I didn't give a speech because it wasn't expected of me and it never occurred to me to do so. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway. OH said he didn't enjoy the wedding until after his speech because he felt too nervous about getting up and speaking in front of a roomful of people.

BeerTricksPotter · 26/06/2011 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam · 26/06/2011 18:26

Oh, I gave a speech because I wasn't going to let the men do all the talking! Only I didn't really want to give a full speech so I thanked everyone for coming and gave special thanks to all the people who had helped us with particular jobs, especially my Mother and a dear family friend. Had arranged with my bridesmaids to present bouquets to Mother and friend, which worked out very nicely. I was very pleased to acknowledge the women of the family instead of all the glory to the men.

edam · 26/06/2011 18:23

It is rather horrible. But I imagine many people just consider it a tradition and a nice way to give their fathers a role at the wedding.

My father walked me down the stairs (we got married in the hall of of a rather grand manor house with a sweeping staircase) and I was VERY glad of his firm arm to lean on. But he certainly did not hand me over to dh. I can't quite remember how it worked but I think he just stood aside at the bottom of the stairs and I walked to dh on my own. We wrote our own vows so there was no 'who gives this woman' nonsense.

Original poster
ledkr · 26/06/2011 18:23

Oh yes,and the fact that the bride or any other female relation doesnt give a speech. I want to get married again just so i can make a speech.
Its hot here,im feeling a bit prickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
ledkr · 26/06/2011 18:21

beertricks I think thats it yes,there are many things that "people just do" in life,if we never challenged them imagine where we would still be.
We used to not have careers and look after our men folk. Im thinking more women should remove that silly custom from their weddings.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 26/06/2011 18:19

I guess it is a choice theses days, and if some women still chose to be given away who are we to argue against it?

I agree that it is an old tradition that has little relevance in the 21st century though.

Original poster
ledkr · 26/06/2011 18:19

My Dad walked me down the aisle but didnt actrually hand me over like a new car Grin
dittany im not sure that all men would equate that but it certainly doesnt help does it?

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 26/06/2011 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany · 26/06/2011 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yama · 26/06/2011 18:15

Our dd who is 5 has asked that both dh and I walk her down the isle when she gets married. It's a start I suppose. I do say to her that life is not all about getting married but her school really went to town on the Royal Wedding (grrr) and it's hard to undo the propaganda.

Original poster
ledkr · 26/06/2011 18:15

I hope my daughters dont do it,i know its not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it struck me as one of those little things that still hangs on illustrating thatwe are still though of as posessions. Man and Wife.

OP posts:
garlicnutter · 26/06/2011 18:14

It makes your dad feel important?

Yama · 26/06/2011 18:12

I'd guess that people get caught up in the romance of the occasion and don't like to make a fuss. Same as name changing.