Why do women still get "given away"

No Mrsinterpret...I'm sure they were proud of their free thinking daughter.

Fnarr at the vagina frock! Perhaps the groom could wear a knob shaped top hat??

I wasn't given away. DH and I entered the room together in front of all the guests.

I did go to a wedding recently where her dad walked her down the aisle but didn't 'give her away' - think it was referred to in his speech about walking her down the aisle, or supporting her, or sending her off or...it was clearer than I'm putting it that it was just a lovely thing for them to do it together, rather than her alone. Then again, why wasn't it mum? Or both?

But it did make me feel I'd been a bit too militant in my desire to definitely not be given away and that just walking with me might have been something my mum or dad would have liked to have done.

I went to a fab wedding recently where the best man was a woman and the bride and groom entered together with their two little DDs.

Nobody gave me away and nobody will be giving my DDs away....they'd have to clamber over my dead body!

Pressure not to 'upset' relatives (knowing it'll be remarked upon when you just want people to be positive and happy), not wanting to offend your father can be factors.

If you scroll down this link there's a wedding dress that would make sure no-one noticed if you ditched some of the traditions.

www.regretsy.com/category/vaginas/

Cheese I agree on the asking permission - my husband has threatened that if anyone is dumb enough to try it for one of our daughters, he's going to send them on tasks like Hercules to earn it and smarten them up that our daughter is her own person (and probably won't have asked our permission for anything in years by that point).

My older sister promised to obey, and four years later, things ended due to "unreasonable behaviour" on her ex-husband's part.

I'm not saying the two things are related, as she has never really spoken about it to me, but I have my suspicions.

Asking the father for "permission" to ask the daughter to marry is similar to me as well.

I didnt promise to "obey" though....the whole congregation would have pissed themselves if those words had come out of my mouth

My dad "gave me away" at my wedding and placed my hand into my husbands at that point in the ceremony.

I honestly didnt really think about it at the time - it was a big formal church wedding so it was the norm.

Now, however? I wouldnt do it. (over the past few years I have been doing a lot of reading about womens place in history and it does smack of handing over "chattel" doesnt it?)

What I REALLY didnt like was being referred to as a "spinster" when the Banns were read. Ugh. My dbro thought it HILARIOUS

You don't have to have 'man and wife', I think it's more common to have 'husband and wife' now, in fact I think it's the default. I might be wrong though.

When I said to our vicar we wanted 'husband and wife' and not 'man and wife', he told me that's his standard, as the 'man and wife' is now outdated. The same as the standard service no longer includes 'obey'. You have to request it if you want it.

A lot of women just blindly follow tradition without actually thinking about what it means. Being given away, promising to 'obey', wearing virginal white, not giving a speech, being 'man and wife', changing their name, sometimes not just their surname but becoming 'Mrs John Smith' for example.

I can only guess they get all caught up in choosing the dress, the venue, the flowers etc., and don't consider the important stuff at all.

Ledkr if you don't want to go down the religious route just hold a welcoming party. I think they are a great idea to get family together and show off your new baby without the hypocrisy of a religious ceremony.

My DH took my last names (I have one of those 'double compound' Hispanic last names), as in Hispanic culture a woman keeps her name upon marriage, and although I was born and raised in England I wanted to do the same. I had planned to follow the usual Hispanic thing of passing one name from each parent on to our offspring.

However, DH asked if I would be OK with him taking both my names, as we were planning on using Hispanic first names and he said they worked better just with my last names (which they do). I was fine with that, and was proud that despite some ribbing from his friends, he stuck to his guns.

I walked down the aisle on my own and gave a little speech. Although I don't have any contact with my father. People kept saying I should have my grandad or brother do it but it didn't bother me.

I must admit the christening of children when you are not a believer really annoys me. Although I would imagine a lot do it to get their kids in to certain schools. This irritates me both as someone who is christian and someone who has a massive issue with church state schools.

For some reason I don't feel as strongly about this as I do about getting children christened when you don't believe.

My Dad walked me down the aisle and but he didn't place my hand in DH's.

I told him in the car on the way to the church that I would always be his anyway

ledkr - mine would have said something similar, with a mention of the fact I am not a 'proper' English person as I was born to Latin American immigrants!! Lovely woman my MIL.

My Dad 'gave me away', I didn't really give it a second thought (probably because I am so much my very own independent person!), but in hindsight, I wish I'd walked down the aisle with him (as I think it's a nice tradition to walk down with a family member) but not had the given away/handswapping in the ceremony, but I just didn't really think at the time. It is something I would gently raise now though.

My dad walked me down the aisle but he did not give me away. You can choose to omit the 'who gives this woman' line and we did just that.

My dad didn't want to 'give me away' but it meant a lot to him to escort me down the aisle. I wasn't going to deny him that.

As for speeches, there is nothing to stop the bride or any other woman giving a speech at a wedding, times have moved on there. I have been to plenty of weddings where the bride has delivered her own speech OR the bride and groom did a double act. I made a speech at my wedding, and so did my mum, and I offered my MIL the chance but she said no (mainly as she didn't want DH to marry me).

"It's just what you do"

Yes, like changing your name.

I do think it's important to continually challenge these unpleasant little 'traditions'. In a nice way, because you don't win friends by being disparaging about "the most important day of a girl's life" .

Similarly, I didn't get my children christened because I am not a Christian. This shocked and horrified many people - not the fact that I am an Athiest, but the fact that I didn't get my children christened anyway; "it's just what you do".

It's part of the traditional ceremony that is a wedding. I hope DD doesn't want someone to give her away if she gets married. Her dad isn't involved (he's not going to be invited anyway) and I'm not sure I could bring myself to do it.