Benevolent sexism - should men hold doors open?!

If you were walking beside the Queen for example, would it be expected that someone would hold the door open for her and let her go first?

Is that because the queen is beneath you? Or is it because of respect.

Holding a door open for someone is respectful and can denote a sense that the person you are holding it for is ABOVE you, not beneath you.

I love how a simple act of deference and respect to women is seen as those pesky bastard men thinking they are above us, again!

If I were a man I don't know whether I'd laugh or cry at some of the stuff written on here.

Not all men are bastards.

When men stop raping us, I'll start worrying about who's opening the doors for whom, frankly.

I thought that the article was very lightweight, and the writer clearly didn't want to engage with the research piece. Which may or may not have been interesting or worth while (not all research is very useful after all, and some of it is very poor quality).

The comments currently showing below are just fairly extraordinary - there is someone who appears to think that violence towards women didn't use to exist (because women were 'sacred') and was caused by feminists who 'eroded chivalry'. What a truly bizarre idea, still as it's followed by claims about evolutionary biology perhaps not too surprising.

I think of opening doors as something that everyone should do for each other as basic courtesy. I got very uncomfortable the other day when I was doing a tour of a building (with a lot of doors) with a group of men who obviously felt obliged not only to open the door, but to make let me go first all the time. I felt that my bottom was very on display (in fact I wondered if this was a part of the underlying reason for the habit) and it was really dumb because I was taking the lead but had no idea where I was going. Unfortunately I couldn't do what I woudl usually do, which is slightly ostentatiously open as many doors as possible for them as all the doors were card controlled. They are a lovely group of men, and always very appreciative of my professional help, but I wonder if it's something that police life has instilled in them (they are all retired cops).

What is sad/frustrating is that when a women comments on the thread and says:

"Actually yes, things such as holding doors are important because they reinforce in subtle ways the subconscious message that women are "beneath" men and there to be looked after - and that such thoughts permeate every area of our lives"

... the commentators immediately resort to both ridicule and bullying - which is almost unanimously supported.

I love it when men hold doors open. When we go out to dinner the men in our social circle always stand behind the women's chairs while they sit and then sit themselves and serve them wine first. If we are mingling the men always get up and move seats rather than the women, too.

Despite being a bunch of tough old birds, we do like being treated like ladies by gentlemen once in a while.

Ooohh, looking forward to seeing where the WomanWhoSlamsDoorsInTheFacesOfMen has been lately.

Agree with PH. I actually think the little things matter. And, funnily enough, I can think about little stuff and big stuff within the space of mere minutes.

I don't make a big song and dance about the little stuff, though. I notice, might make a wry joke, take the piss, raise my eybrows, whatever. I do judge, though, and make a mental note if people I have to work or socialise with do the little things. Because it's taking notice of signs like that have taught me who may well turn that benevolent sexism into more harmful sexism, particularly at work.

Interesting discussion!

I've had quite a few men say something along the lines of "The problem is that women want equal rights but they still want men to hold the door open for them", as if exposing a great hypocrisy of feminism.

So if you refuse benevolent sexism you look like a right old moaning minnie, but if you accept it you come off all hypocritical. Can't win.

I agree with the journalist, there are bigger issues at stake.

I also agree with her, that it's the context that these 'benevolent sexist' things are done in, or how they're done.

If a man holds a door open out of politeness, I see no problem. However, I was coming out of a store once, and a man who had just walked in saw me, hopped back to the door and opened it saying, "I'll get for you, it's quite a heavy door." (The door was quite a sturdy door, that did require a bit of 'oomph' to open, but I was more then capable of opening it myself!) Now that was sexist, as he clearly assumed that I, as a woman, would struggle to open the door.