"Fear" of men

It doesn't really matter-you don't have to be literal-the message is don't drive to a lonely place-make a huge cock up in a busy place.
Talking about it with a group is a help in the first place.

Sorry but am a bit laughing at those tips!

What if there isn't a handy busy roundabout on your route! Plus an awful lot of cars these days have automatic transmission

I thought if someone got into your car and ordered you to drive your best bet was to crash it into another car or a building or something. Not sure where i got that from though!

I decided that I probably wouldn't be too good at the physical stuff, but there were lots of simple tips at the self defence classes e.g. if a car stops make sure that you stand forward so that you have the door between you and them if they open it. If someone gets in your car and orders you to drive, stall it on a busy roundabout-the chaos it will cause makes it likely they will get out and leg it. Simple things like that made me feel happier.

Is it things that are reported to the police? We know that most sexual stuff goes unreported.

I just wondered as it is always said on threads but I don't know where it comes from and is counter to the experience of me and my friends IYSWIM

Have you got the source of the stat for more things happening to teenaged boys? I ask as it gets said a lot but for me personally, lots more has happened than to any men I know.

I'm sure it does help.

Some women are disabled though, or can't afford it, or it doesn't appeal to them (young women in our society seem to be steered away from anything that makes them break a sweat, apparently).

What I mean is, great for all those who have done self defence classes, what about the ones who haven't?

Like with all predators, they look for easy prey (if you are talking about more serious offences) - and there will always be someone out there who is easier prey. What about them? Why not try and get these dangerous men out of circulation in the first place?

Plus the difficulty that none of these things are magical protection - the lists that circulate, what to do and what not to do, have self defence classes, don't wear heels, don't wear clothing you can't run in, all women know all the things that they are supposed to do to protect themselves as they are told all the time. I am not convinced that any of this stuff makes much difference TBH. Better to tackle the source of the problem.

It does however help to have gone to self defense classes.

The group who have most to fear, statistically, going out are teenage boys.

Part of the fear, is to do with the fact that if anything happens, most of the time there's nothing you or anyone else can to about it.

We need to be looking at the predators and con-men and people who make other people fearful in the first place.

If you have done self -defence and manage to fight a bloke off, the next woman might well not be able to. Taking him off the streets would make it safer for all the women he meets in the future.

I think a lot more needs to be done to encourage women to report assaults and to prosecute them. the current situation is laughable. Mind you,the reason it doesn't happen at the moment, is that the people who pull the strings don't care about this stuff.

I think most people go out. The woman in the beach OP had gone out. She just found herself in a situation which made her feel uncomfortable/afraid.

The real people to look at for not going out are elderly women, who have a whole long list of things to make them fearful, and even in their own homes. I know there are a lot of old women who wont go out after dark, and who get worried if the doorbell goes when they aren't expecting anyone. I don't think that they are silly to feel that way either TBH.

I haven't suffered from any violence from men, but I have been to self defence classes-it makes sense to do what you normally do and be prepared, rather than to stop doing things and not go out.

I reckon most women fear some men sometimes. I'm in that group of women. I think a woman who never fears any man is unusual.

I wish I did not feel fear sometimes, but I don't think it is a weakness. I don't live my entire life in fear of men, very far from it. If violence against women was eradicated, I would be willing to join the fearless.

here
she says she is sick of the fear

Sorry for multiple posts, have just realised something

On threads about attacks when people like me say that it is irrelevant what women wear as to whether they get attacked, the response is that we are naive, and men respond to different clothing in different ways, and some clothing apparently says "come and assault me". ie people say that there are loads of dangerous men out there who will be inflamed by the sight of a bit of cleavage and commit an assault.

Yet OTOH when I say that I find it quite understandable that women are nervous/scared in certain situations, apparently this makes me a man hater and outrageously illogical.

Can't win, can we

This business about not teaching children to have fear.

I agree that fear is the wrong word. Caution? A sense of awareness?

I am going to teach my DD that if she is alone in a situation with a man who is making her nervous, or sitting next to someone on a bus and they are saying things that are a bit strange (I once was on a bus and the man behind me was whispering "I'm going to rape you" in my ear but I was quite young and didn't know what to do), or if someone seems to be following them, then they should act on their instinct, not worry about offending anyone, and get away. I think that it would be remiss of me as a mother not to teach her this. Surely boys need this lesson too, although I suspect they get less sexual advances than girls and young women.

Someone keeps coming onto the thread (this one? or the other one?) and saying "women sexually assault too". I have never been sexually assaulted by a woman though, and have been by men lots of times. So my experinece tells me that men are the risk group for this behaviour. I suspect the crime stats bear me out on this.

madwoman said earlier

"instead i found a lot of people who seemed to be inagreement that the world was a very dangerous place and we were right to be afraid of men. all of them, as we couldn't be too sure which ones were the baddies."

Well of course, We don't know which men are "baddies" and so have to muddle through as best we can and hope for the best.

If men who were gropers, followers, flashers, breast grabbers, rapists had big signs on them then life would be a lot easier.

Yes it is a little confusing. Particularly alongside the other thread which is running at the same time.

This thread is confused by the two different issues. People talk about the beach thing and then others say Ha! You hate male nursery workers....

Anyway.

smashingday your prescription seems to be that if a man attacks you, you should stay with that man in order to get over it. As being with the man who does this is such good fun that you are willing to put up with some possibly life threatening injuries along the way.

Your horse analogy makes no sense.

sorry that should say except mad horsey people, not expect

Lots of people haven't had incidents that are violent.

But they have had incidents that have crossed boundaries. People don't always have to be actively violent, to be threatening.

Actually lots of people who have been thrown off horses don't get back on again and no one tells them they should expect mad horsey people.

Princess Diana famously disliked riding because she'd been thrown as a child but came from that class of people who were of the "stuff and nonsense - get back on" school of thought. So she was forced to carry on with it but never really had any great enthusiasm for it.

I think you'd need to look more closely at the stats.
I'm mid forties and never had an encounter that was violent or sexually violent.
I suspect some women by my age might have had several, however.

It's one guy and he's reeeeeeeeeeally busy. Apparently.

The alterntive just doesn't bear thinking on for most people :(