I'm posting this on here because I hope you'll agree with me

Yes, that's what I was asking frantic. Personally, I think feminism is also about countering attitudes towards boys ('he can't play with that, it's a girls' toy/ I bet he's really rough, boys are'), as anything else. It's all part of the same prejudice imo.

SB - sorry, got lost, but I think it was you who was surprised anyone would be ashamed of a mum not shaving - was that you? And why? It seems to me children are much more vulnerable to peer pressure/social pressure they don't understand, than the rest of us.

at miss. I was too young in the 80s, I just don't feel being a teen in the 90s really gave much opportunity for sparkle!

'Most of what I fought for, back in the day, has been more or less achieved'

I wonder what you were fighting for then, because it clearly wasn't equal pay, political representation, an end to the objectification of women or an end to rape or domestic violence

Yes - happy days .

of course you can depilate and be a feminist. Hell, you can vajazzle and be a feminist if you want.

it doesn't mean depilation is a feminist act and it doesn't mean the increasing pressure to do it isn't a feminist issue.

LRD, how come what? That I'm not a feminist? I used to be, founder member back in the 70s! Like a lot of movements though, I find, these days, it goes too far and I prefer to distance myself from the extremists.

Most of what I fought for, back in the day, has been more or less achieved and I really do worry, as the mother of a son, that girls today emasculate boys and that boys, generally, are now the ones that feel devalued by society at large.

Was that the 80s by any chance, MissBeehiving?

I had a pair of sparkly silver hot pants which I absolutely loved.

frantic - really? How come? (I'm nosy, me.)

I don't want to start a thread in case people think it's a bit rude - and I bet only the people who have strong opinions would reply, which kind of defeats the point.

I used to wear hot pants ... damn I looked good. Not my thing these days though.

sardine - I shaved my arms once because my 17-year-old blond boyfriend teased me they were hairier than his ... what an idiot I was!

Depilation is not a bar to being a feminist.

Hair removal is a feminist issue though, legs, pits, genitals, and people are even starting to remove hair on arms now...

Jenai, would a feminist wear "hot pants"? Are they not an item of clothing designed to make the wearer look sexy?

lolol here too @ yummy

I'm with Bonsoir on this (almost) - it's perfectly possible to depilate and be a feminist. Pubic hair removal (I mean complete - not just to stop it sticking out of the sides of your hot pants), I do think is a feminist issue. I have mixed feelings about it, basically.

LRD You could start a thread maybe? I daren't because I'm not a feminist!

Tut, must be a sexist spellchecker. O the patriarchy, how it doth oppress us in unexpected ways.

I am mildly curious as to how many feminists on MN are hairy and how many are not.

I'm still loving YummyHoney;

"Are feminists hairy, then?"

willy

No, "willy" is acceptable apparently!

... I worry about myself sometimes ...

Glad we got that sorted. Still ... I'm not sure I'd be about to emulate you if I were to de-bush.

Is your spellchecker set on American English? Or just a prude? Quick, type willy!

LRD I only use it for bikini line, to take off the "stragglers" that, since menopause, have started creeping down onto the top of my thighs to wave at folk when I go swimming! It doesn't go anywhere near my actual fanjo I can assure you!

I use the creams specially formulated for bikini line and I haven't had a real problem so far as I tend to do it before bed so I don't have to further irritate the area with knicker elastic for 8 hours or so. I do prefer to have it waxed but funds are not often available. The one and only time I attacked them with a razor I got a horrible rash!

Why does my spell checker object to "knicker" I wonder?

Crikey, frantic, does that not sting? Hair removal cream is nasty if I leave it on my legs too log, can't imagine putting it near my fanjo. Ouch!

I do think it's really awful how some very boring and/or painful experiences for girls seem to be made into 'special moments' or 'rites of passage' - someone mentioned that maybe the mum sees shaving as a way of becoming a woman. I do find that sad. My mum didn't want me to shave, and still throws razors in the bin if I accidentally leave them in her bathroom when we visit (they're 'dirty' ... though my brothers' razors seem to be fine). Why can't more people just have a normal 'I don't care what you do with your body attitude'?

frantic you're quite right, ladyshaves are shit. Or they were in my day. Ditto those "epilator things" and hair removal cream.

Actually, reading the OP again, why, I wonder, does this upset the OP? She uses phrases like "want to conform " and " if she decides" which suggests to me that the OP is personally against de-fuzzing?

IME, and I have two DDs older than 15, girls know very well by 15 whether they want to be hirsute or not.

High ball... wonder if girl in question does want to de-fuzz, feels slightly pressured by step mum not to, talks it over with birth mother who sends Ladyshave for birthday present which girl is mortified to be opening in front of disapproving step mum!

There! Well it's a hypothesis, as good as any other!

There is no relationship at all between hair removal and feminism.

@ Sardine (though I reckon it probably also says on the packaging that it's for legs? ) dunno where the packaging went from mine, I bought it years ago.

Seriously, I think, now you have explained, that it probably is ambiguous and would hazard a guess that it might be a generational thing? (I'm probably at least a decade or more older than you! )

I think I was a bit because I wouldn't have even thought about a 15-year-old having a problem with an overgrown bush. (I'm sure I didn't at that age and I don't think either of my DDs did either, I must ask them)

Weird, you must live on planet loaded because I don't see a ladyshave as an "essential" if you want to shave. Not with bic disposables at 30p a packet!

Ladyshave is deffo used for pubes! It says so on the packaging

I read it how I read it, I think how I read it is a reasonable interpretation of what it said. Not sure why so many people have gone bananas about it TBH!

If the dsd in question has already told her mother that she doesn't want a Ladyshave then I would imagine the reason why she was mortified at being given one was very obvious. If it had been me at that age I would have felt that my mother was disregarding what I had told her and was also commenting on how I looked. Both of which are pretty crap.

Mumsnet recently added a pre-teen board. I thought this was great as I have a 12 and a 10 year old and was looking forward to asking other mums how they were managing oncoming puberty. The very first thread, within two posts was about bodily hair removal. It's all very depressing.

MarionCole were you able to reassure your dsd that she is fine just the way she is?