My teenage dd and the clothes she wants to wear...help me out please

AF. I haven't read the thread yet, wanted you to know that I'm setting aside a half hour to do so and will come back.

Bit late coming to this thread and I think it's pretty much all been said.

I agree that there's a difference between one woman telling another what to wear and a mother informing her 15-year-old child about the wider implications of what she's wearing.

I think a talk about how her clothing choices could be seen as presenting herself as someone who wants to be judged by appearance not personality may help, as would talking to her about how to handle a situation where she feels uncomfortable.

Beyond that, no useful advice I'm afraid, but best of luck AF.

Not trying to cause an argument but its not just male attention that is the issue, Alot of girls who dress provocatively can be targeted by jealous girls which in many ways can be worse turn into full on bullying and maybe have to move school.

this happened to someone close to me thats quite in my for front whilst I'm reading this, girls can be very 'Ooh that girl' at that age its very nasty

Definitely self-defense is baout awareness of situations and becoming more "streetwise", I think SGB already mentioned the 'not just how to kick him in the cock' :)

self defence classes sound good (have done them myself,years ago) but from the viewpoint of recognising potentially-dangerous situations, not solely from how to effectively knee a bloke in the bollocks

Yes, you are very confused OP . But you know, in your heart of hearts, that you need to help your DD protect herself from unwelcome male attention. You have no power to change men (and be under no illusion - no-one ever will ) but you can enable your daughter to protect herself by dressing in a manner that does not excite male attention unduly nor signal that she is sexually available.

Two things that come to my mind are self defence classes, where you learn to trust your instints and remove yourself first. And secondly learning how to dress for her body shape. As a big booby girl it is tough but treat it the same as having a big bum or stupidly long legs, could be the personal shopper experence or even just the Internet.

I remember a couple of years ago when dd was 10, I was walking with her through a high street in the summer early evening. Some blokes were congregated outside a pub door and started being lairy, were saying look at the tits on that etc. DD was nonplussed and said 'why are they saying that to you mummy?' Just kept my head down, grabbed her hand and scuttled by.

She still remembers that, she said something about it not long ago.

Wish now I had had the guts to say something in order that she remembered me sticking up for myself, mind you I would not have wanted to run that risk.

I am a very forthright person, certainly not shy and retiring, but still feel very intimidate by being heckled in the street, and I am a confident 30 something woman. 15 year olds in the main feel a lot worse, and you are right who said it, it is older predatory males who are the worst at preying on teens.

AF: I really do think that teaching your DD some devastating put-downs and the message that it's all right to fight might be useful. OK that's a bit glib, but teaching her that it's not compulsory to placate and be polite to someone who is making her feel uncomfortable, that it's atually perfectly reasonable, if she has tried to end a conversation nicely and walk away but been unable to, to say 'Look, fuck off or else' and if that doesn't work, to scream, throw a punch or at least chuck a drink over the predator... well that's a really good lesson, a really good thing to internalise: that if someone's upsetting you then he is already in the wrong, and if he won't fuck off with a polite telling, it's fine to get ruder.

I had the Kelly Brooke figure when I was fifteen, although I was too shy and insecure to be considered pretty (another way of saying I wasn't pretty!). I also looked older than my age, even though I was totally naive and unassuming. Caused much ing. But when we were that age, breasts were still a joke - the Benny Hill approach was the abiding theme, and you hardly ever saw a glimpse of cleavage in public.

I spent years shrouded in baggy t-shirts and boxy jackets, and actually making myself look fatter than I was, in order to try and hide the boobage and, I suppose, avoid the comments.

My DD is now 13 and not at all endowed, although I suppose she may well take after me. I'd hate to think of her hiding her shape, but I'd baulk, as you are, at strapless tops worn without a bra, for the same reasons you do.

I have vowed to always have her fitted for a bra at John Lewis (she'll die of shame but I've started the ball rolling and had it done once already), which hopefully will help her see how much more flattering it is to wear one, before you even start to think about the implications of going without.

Sometimes I think creepy blokes must think they've got it made - the fashions in our day were much more modest, although I suppose it's all relative; no doubt Victorian ladies suffered their share of creeps even laced up to the eyeballs.

< Forgets point of post but sends support (arf) to AF >

Oh, and the handling of unwanted male attention- maybe just tell her to turn on her heel and walk away. For now that would be sufficient I think, no?

anyfucker have you heard of Slut Walk? I read it in Grazia today

look here

Might be an interesting place for you to look at with your DD, show her that hear her, sorry if that sounds patronising.

You can get OK bras for not much at some of the bigger size Supermarkets. Primrak do the hidden bra support thing in their vests, but I would still team that with a bra and I am a C cup.

They aren't cheap but not exorbitant-check out the website.