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Original poster

Feminist Parenting of Boys bookclub

36 replies

blackcurrants · 06/05/2011 12:16

OK, I have no idea how to run a bookclub, I'm not even on MN every day [heretic emoticon] cos of work and DS being so demanding delightful that I spend a lot of time on the floor getting climbed on.

BUT!

A few of us want to read books about how to raise a good feminist man (GFM)in this bad patriarchal world.

Personal intro: Hello! I'm fortunate in that I'm married to a GFM so DS has one male role model at home who wants to talk about feelings and flowers and why daddies do washing up - but bugger me if the rest of the world isn't out to tell my PFB that he's got to 'suck it up and be a man' every time he feels upset, and beer, porn, and Buying Things are all he needs to be happy. DS is only 9 months old, but I'm Not Having That Shit, and the pushback starts RIGHT NOW!

Talking this over with a likeminded mum, I was recommended "Raising Cain: Protecting The Emotional Life of Boys" - on another thead StewieGriffithsMum, who knows her onions, said it was terrible sexist bunk.
So - that said, until I've read more of it, I'm hesitant to recommend it for our first book club book. Should we start with Delusions of Gender, which I've still not read and might be hand to combat some evo-psych nonsense. Should we start with Pink Brain, Blue Brain? Does anyone know how to run a bookclub, anyway?

I hope this is a good idea and not doing the wrong thing in this thread. I've always wanted to join the bookclubs but not had the time to be online/finished books on time (I live in the USA which also complicates things, timing-wise). But I think that, if we think of reading and critiquing the patriarchy, we find it's actually a form of activism. It's certainly going to help me fight back when everyone tells me DS is "such a boy because of x, y or z'' when in fact those are just things babies are like!

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Original poster
blackcurrants · 30/05/2011 19:55

We need to pick a 'next' book - what do people fancy? And shall we set it up for July, rather than 2 weeks' time?

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celadon · 16/05/2011 22:29

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StewieGriffinsMom · 13/05/2011 20:20

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BertieBotts · 13/05/2011 14:01

It's a bit short notice for me this time I'm afraid - a week is not enoughtime for me to order and get through a book these days! :) But I'll lurk anyway and I might decide I want to read it later! How far in advance are the books likely to be chosen in future?

Original poster
blackcurrants · 13/05/2011 13:59

Hello and welcome!

Gosh, I feel backwards - I've not ordered it yet. Waiting to pick up my cheque today (at last!) - good job I'm a quick reader.
I'm looking forward to this!

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nethunsreject · 12/05/2011 20:32

Hello, may I join you?

Just ordered my copy. I have 2 wee boys and am vehemently against the ridiculous polarisation of our kids on the basis of gender. Boys and girsl can be different, but not to the extent they are conditioned to be in our culture. I live in the south west of Scotland and notions of men and women's places/jobs/interests/talents are still very deeply entrenched. I'd love to read the books on the list and discuss them.

Smile
InmaculadaConcepcion · 12/05/2011 20:19

This is really interesting, good for you for starting it up, blackcurrents!

I will probably try and join you if/when you do Pink Brain, Blue Brain and Delusions...
I only have a DD at the moment (I'm hoping to squeeze out a second DC at some point soon) so will probably skip the boy ones for the moment - although I may well read the threads.
Happy reading!

dizzy77 · 10/05/2011 07:17

18th is my due date, so hopefully DS will hang on in there and let me get some reading in! Will order Jenni Murray's book, and see you there if I'm not, ahem, indisposed.

Original poster
blackcurrants · 10/05/2011 01:52

Thanks SGM, The thread for our May discussion is here

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elliott · 09/05/2011 22:06

Ha! i was about to recomment 'that's my boy' as about the only thing I had read on this subject that hadn't given me apoplexy!

And it will help to pick something I've read before - in my RL book group I only manage to read about half of the books we choose - just don't have time!

It does seem pretty hard to avoid simplistic deterministic or overly polemical books in this area. I would like to read something soundly evidence based, pragmatic and balanced.

I have to say I have somewhat moved on from the naive assumptions of my youth, when I guess I thought that gender inequalities could be largely overcome by a bit of enlightened parenting...I think where I am at now is 'how can I help my boys navigate this gendered world successfully, and become men who can maintain intimate, supportive and fair emotional relationships with their future partners'? Although I still come back to the conclusion that it is much more about their relationship with their father than with me (based on my own family observations and the fact that my two brothers have singularly failed on my criterion for successful manhood!) Reading the relationship boards on here though really makes me feel that relationship skills are the single most important thing we can try to impart to our children (of whatever gender, but men get a lot less practice at it in our culture).

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/05/2011 19:49

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tougholdbird · 09/05/2011 19:20

Count me in!

Original poster
blackcurrants · 09/05/2011 19:02

Hello and welcome, Madame! I am getting really excited about the excellent feminist mothers on board here - I think I'm going to benefit from your experience!

I need the need to order the book too.

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MadameBoo · 09/05/2011 18:39

Hello, can I join? I have a 3 year old boy and most of my friends have girls. They (the kids) all mostly adore him, so so far so good, but it's a murky old blue/pink world out there and any help wading through it whilst keeping my feminist head held high will be a bonus. Great fred. :)

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/05/2011 18:34

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Original poster
blackcurrants · 09/05/2011 16:42

Ooh thanks SGM, that's really helpful. I wonder if we could nab the 3rd Wednesday of the month, then? That would be the 18th, for us - would that work for everyone?

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StewieGriffinsMom · 09/05/2011 15:06

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Original poster
blackcurrants · 09/05/2011 14:26

60s feminism, eh? well whether that reviewer knew it or not, he's just made me order Jenni Murray's "That's my boy!"
Grin

OK: I have read enough "Raising Cain" to want to suggest it to you all. that makes our shortlist:

Pink Brain, Blue Brain
Raising Cain
That's My Boy
Delusions of Gender
My Mother Wears Combat Boots (I thought this looked good but a bit preg/baby-centric - please read it and tell me I'm wrong, cos I LOVE the title!)

Since The Jenni Murray one looks funny as well as clever, shall we start with that, and maybe move on to some others on the shortlist?

Our First Book will be Jenni Murray's "That's My Boy!"

Now, when shall we read it?
I need to get it, obviously. When's a reasonable time to start the bookclub. How long to people want, to read it?

Should we start at the start of June, or sooner?

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StewieGriffinsMom · 09/05/2011 13:11

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Firkytoodle · 09/05/2011 12:30

Few typos there, DS is trying to help me type.

Link to book here

Firkytoodle · 09/05/2011 12:28

I just ordered that from Amazon Reshape, looks great.

Amusingly the one star review of it is from a Steven Biddulph who criticises who says:

"I found this book disappointing - it doesn't add anything that hasn't been said (years) before, and it seems in denial about some really useful findings about boys and girls differences in development. Really excellent books like Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys or Michael Gurian's Wonder of Boys really gave me something new to understand my sons, and has proven very helpful. Jenni Murray (the clue is in the sixties spelling of Jenni !) just rehashes 60's feminism - fine in itself, but a bit old hat, and much of the book seems like padding on a few core ideas. She isn't willing to live with the reality that boys and girls are often very different, and this does NOT mean stereotyping. Perhaps its because she doesn't have a daughter. Life is more complex than the one Jenni lives in. Journalists are not really equipped to write parenting books, yet they are always being sought after by publishers. I think the writer was just needing some extra cash, or desperate to feel relevant in a world that has passed her by.
Opinion mixed with wishful thinking and some patronizing humour does not make for good parental guidance, and I think this book can do more harm than good. "

I dont think he realised it was going to be posted under his real name :)

StewieGriffinsMom · 09/05/2011 09:39

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Original poster
blackcurrants · 09/05/2011 00:54

oooh, thanks for the recommendation Reshape - that looks like a good read - and I can imagine her dulcet tones reading it to me, too! Hmm, I wonder if there's an audiobook, now I come to think of it.
I get sick reading on buses but spend 6-8 hours on them every week, commuting. I love audiobooks! Does anyone know of any good feminist podcasts? Actually, that's a thread in itself. Let's hope there are some good ones!

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ReshapeWhileDamp · 08/05/2011 21:45

Hated Raising Boys here too. Smile

What I do return to, time and time again (am the only person who gets it from the local library, seemingly) is Jenni Murray's That's My Boy!, which is actually rather good. I find it very reassuring and nurturing when I'm confronted with people expecting my older boy to be a nightmare merely because he has a willy. Hmm
(We love the Little Bear books here too!)

dizzy77 · 08/05/2011 11:01

Thanks Blackcurrants! for being so proactive! Placemarking: happy to go with the flow about where to start. Whilst I've started on Pink Brain, Blue Brain, I reckon that is something I'll use as a reference/resource (have so far read up to pre-school as DS isn't due to arrive for another couple of weeks). Delusions of Gender is exciting me in both a parental and professional capacity (I work in L&D) could be more of a zippy ready to start... Open to other suggestions: that Amazon click finger is ready to go...