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Original poster

I'll put this here as you lot might understand... warning upsetting content

57 replies

ManicPanic · 01/05/2011 12:08

Hi y'all

I am a fairly frequent lurker on the feminism topics, I haven't namechanged for this.

I am going to go to the police next week and report 'historic child abuse' from when I was 7/8/9 years old.

I have talked about this in other areas of the board and been told that mumsnet is not the place for it and am I sure I have not misinterpreted his actions etc which really fucked me off so I am putting this here in the hope that you guys will 'get it' / understand me (which I think you will)

I am, to put it politely, bricking it. To sit in a room with strangers and tell them, in detail, what this man did to me. What seems to lessen it in some peoples eyes is that he was 11 years old at the time - though no less a sociopathic, manipulative practised abuser for all that. I know that as far as he is concerned, he owns me. I have suffered for over 20 years because of his legacy. No exaggeration. My relationships, my view of sex, my (non-existent) trust in people, my confidence out in the world (again, zero) all have all been poisoned by him.

It all came out when I was 13 (as I basically lost the plot, started screaming about it and couldn't stop) and I had my idiot teachers and my evil mother explaining calmly how it was perfectly normal what he did to me (so all 8 year olds should have someones hand shoved down their knickers regularly? Really?) and how I was being over sensitive and overreacting and so on. Brushed under the carpet. mum said she might speak to his parents, decided the next day she wouldn't and that was the end of it.

It seems to me no matter how hysterical idiots people get about 'peedos' when it comes to children disclosing abuse nobody believes them, or they tell them that they are being silly. Sad This is killing me. I had a breakdown last october (because of this and other issues) and I can't take anymore. I need to report him. i almost don't care what happens after that, I need to stand up and tell what he is. I am concerned other chilldren are at risk now. I hope that isn't the case but I don't imagine the bastard will have changed (if at 11 he had grooming down to a fine art....?)

Please reassure me that I will be able to do it and that I am doing the right thing. (I know I am)

OP posts:
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ThisIsANiceCage · 13/05/2011 00:28

Manic, just checking in to see how the week went. You'd thought of going to the police on Monday; I wonder if that worked out for you?

baskingseals · 06/05/2011 22:18

agree with garlicbutter.

there's no pressure to do anything. do what you want to do. take your time and be kind to yourself.

garlicbutter · 05/05/2011 22:31

Well done on your writing, Manic. It must have been upsetting. But also, I hope, constructive in that you've seen it more from the adult point of view: able to see the patterns and the deliberate intent. You are being brave :)

Don't force yourself if you decide not to go through with it - you're coming along way already. But good luck! Take good care of yourself.

InmaculadaConcepcion · 05/05/2011 20:49

Manic, if you are concerned about this thread being used against you in the event of a criminal prosecution, you can ask MNHQ to delete it once you've got what you need from it.

But best of luck. You are being very brave about this.

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 05/05/2011 20:27

Manic you are being so brave!

It is interesting how patterns emerge once you start writing it down. It is often recommended on the Relationships thread especially when a poster is in denial about the amount of abuse they may be suffering. It helps bring clarity to the fact that it isn't every so often, in fact it is every week or month or whatever and the upset may go on for several days. This is generally a lot more than they thought.

It is great that you are getting it down on paper now. If you do decide Monday is the day then you will be so much better prepared and clearer with your thoughts. It is probably going to be tough enough anyway so any head start you can get will be good.

Good Luck!

piginmuck · 05/05/2011 20:27

I am very sorry to hijack your thread ManicPanic and I think you are very brave to be even considering turning him in. I just wanted to ask a question. Because the op was so young but also the abuser was so young - is it still as serious? If the abused was 10 and the abuser 13 is this also as serious? It is a genuine question with a genuine reason for asking - it is not to suggest that the OP is in any way wrong for pursuing this. I just wanted to ask - actually I think I just want you to tell me that it is serious and validate my feelings. Again, sorry for the hijack and I wish you lots of good thoughts and luck in the road you are bravely about to take.

Original poster
ManicPanic · 05/05/2011 20:09

Couldn't sleep last night so I came downstairs and started writing on my laptop. Wrote out all the facts I could think of, area that he lives in, full name, siblings names, parents occupation etc. Then I wrote out how it started and everything that he did, and where he did it. To my shock, at a rough guess he abused me on 20+ different occasions Shock

It definitely helped me to see it as 'serious.' Also I saw, when it was all written down, how he was trying to get me inside houses in order to escalate the abuse. It's a pattern I just didn't see before.

That bastard needs putting away. I know I'll probably have to make do with him being arrested and questioned and denying everything. But it's better than nothing.

I have got Monday in my head as The Day. Feeling too woozy from the Prozac to be much use atm Blush

OP posts:
higgle · 05/05/2011 20:06

Manic, you have my sympathy. This is a terrible thing to have happened to you.

I practiced as a criminal lawyer for over 25 years and I would just ask you to examine your reasons for reporting this to the police now. There is really not much chance that a sucessful prosecution will result from a complaint at this stage against someone who was so young at the time.

In many respects it is the right thing to do, it may strengthen your case if other complainants come forward, and if he has continued to behave in this way more recent cases may come to light. There are all sorts of reasons why you should make this known to the authorities, but it may not end in him being brought to justice through the criminal courts for offences against you. Unfortunately the fact that it has gone unreported for 20 years and - and I hate to say this - the fact that your memories on times and dates are not 100% may mean this is not a case the CPS feel they will be able to take further.

You will need to be very strong indeed if they do decide to prosecute him, as he will inevitably plead "not guilty". Believe me his lawyers will try every trick in the book -"procedural technique" - to get him off, and those will include trying to discredit you in the process. Please ensure you have plenty of support in place for yourself if you do decide to put this in the hands of the police. It may be very helpful to you to talk in general terms here but if you say anything about the facts it would be fairly standard these days for a defence team to look at anything posted on internet forums, facebook etc to use against you - so please be careful about exactly what you post on the facts.

Whatever happens next I am sure the police will be sympathetic and gentle, but the criminal justice system itself is not always kind to victims.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 19:35

hoping you are ok too, MP, how are you feeling today ?

IC, chat and relationships are my stomping ground Smile with an occasional foray into AIBU and Feminism

InmaculadaConcepcion · 05/05/2011 19:32

It's probably because I've been off the Chat and Relationship threads for a while (I blame my Feminism obsession!) which are the places I used to come across you most, AF...and I'm hopeless at keeping track of namechanges unless it's spelled out to me (some people keep spreadsheets, don't they?)

Er - sorry again, MP Blush

I hope you're okay. Please keep posting if our comments are helping you...

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 19:22

oh, and thanks for the welcome Smile

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 19:21

ah, IC, what I meant was I thought everyone knew I had never gone away with my daft namechanges and general pissing about

I obviously didn't draw attention to myself quite enough Wink

InmaculadaConcepcion · 05/05/2011 19:01

Meaning, AF, I wasn't sure if you'd continued posting under a different NN or whether you had gone away altogether for a time.
Either way, it was intended as a genuine welcome back Smile

AliceWorld · 05/05/2011 18:55

manic - you do what you need to do in the way that feels best for you. It is serious. And I would have thought many people with your types of experience will struggle to remember all the details. Thinking of you.

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 18:31

"if not the poster"

eh ?

InmaculadaConcepcion · 05/05/2011 13:45

He sounds like someone who needs to fully understand just how serious his actions were. It doesn't sound like he really appreciates the problems he caused you - "I'm sorry" and a kiss on the cheek, indeed!

MP I hope you're okay today. I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you.

baskingseals · 05/05/2011 13:38

manic don't doubt yourself or your feelings.
it did happen, it's okay that you don't remember dates and times.

hope you are feeling okay

AnyFucker · 05/05/2011 00:02

< cuddles getorf >

quidco · 04/05/2011 23:57

I am so shocked and angry, both at the experiences you had and ther eaction of your mother. It is NOT normal, and you need to report it. the fact that the other person was 11 doesnt make it any different.

:(

GetOrfMoiCase · 04/05/2011 23:56
AnyFucker · 04/05/2011 23:54

am baaack x

GetOrfMoiCase · 04/05/2011 23:51

I am so sorry manic.

Fwiw I am glad that you are able to start getting some help. God knows whether the prozac will help, has the doc offered you any counselling as well? If not is that something you can afford to do privately. Mind you I have never been able to cope with counselling, the only times I have tried I have sat there in furious (why?) silence.

But prozac may well help you.

And I believe you. And I am still so astonished and sorry that you had a negative reaction on your previous thread Sad

Original poster
ManicPanic · 04/05/2011 23:42

AnyFucker, you're baaaaaaack? Well back in your old name, that is.

It has been helpful to come on here and be believed - I still have trouble seeing what happened as being 'serious.' Despite the huge impact it's had on me.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/05/2011 23:36

I believe you, MP

I am sorry about the previous reactions you have got x

ThisIsANiceCage · 04/05/2011 23:33

Sorry don't have anything useful to say, just still rooting for you.

Wishing you the strength to carry this through.