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Original poster

Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

737 replies

GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 09:50

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 19/04/2011 17:52

That doesn't sound much like The Lovers' Guide.

sethstarkaddersmackerel · 19/04/2011 17:50

oh why the fucking fuck is this stuff legal? Angry

dittany · 19/04/2011 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 17:43

And what about Jenna Jameson? She is the most famous 'porn star' and she was neglected by her father (he mother died when she was two), thrown out by him when she was 16, gang raped as a teenager, raped by her boyfriend's uncle at 16, pressured into stripping by her boyfriend when she was underage, a drug addict and anorexic.

Her films are as mainstream as you can get. People wank to this poor woman re-enacting the trauma of her robbed childhood.

It is sick.

dittany · 19/04/2011 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unrulysun · 19/04/2011 17:36

I'd argue that if you can get to the violent hardcore stuff without searching beyond putting 'porn' into google that that's evidence. Seriously there's so much stuff out there that anything you can get to in a couple of mouse clicks is VERY mainstream.

Couple that with all the quotes and expert views on here and I think it's a bit obtuse to keep going on about needing proof.

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 17:35

More from Gail Dines;

"I lecture to parents groups all across the country - is most parents I meet do not know what their kids are accessing.

They do not know what pornography is because they're older, they were not brought up with this kind of image-based Internet culture and they were shocked to see what pornography is.

I can't tell you again how many emails I get from parents who accidentally stumbled across their teenagers' Internet sites and what they found was hardcore pornography."

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 17:31

""Gonzo is really the body punishing, hardcore imagery. It dominates the Internet today. It is the most profitable for the industry and what the industry says is that Gonzo pornography is the pornography of choice when men are alone."

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 17:28

"most viewed"

"most popular"

I see a connection there, rita
do you not ?

RitaLynn · 19/04/2011 17:26

Unruly, I'm antiporn here, I'm interested (I'm a scientist and researcher) in getting an objective view on what people are actually watching, not just looking for the worst stuff on the internet - that's poor scholarship.

People are claiming on this thread, without evidence, that the most popular porn is violent. What people are doing is showing that there is violent degrading stuff in the internet.

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 17:21

This interview with Gail Dines, author of "Pornland" and Professor of sociology and women's studies at Wheelock College.

www.abc.net.au/lateline/content/2010/s3031471.htm

"Gonzo is really the body punishing, hardcore imagery. It dominates the Internet today. It is the most profitable for the industry and what the industry says is that Gonzo pornography is the pornography of choice when men are alone.

So really it's swept over. And the reason for that is a lot of soft core pornography today has migrated into pop culture. So the more you have soft core in pop culture, the more the pornography industry is forced to go hardcore as a way to distinguish its products.

TONY JONES: When you say hardcore what do you mean? When you talk about debasing images, just describe the sorts of things that an 11-year-old might access with a couple of clicks of a mouse through Google.

GAIL DINES: OK, well, first of all what's very popular is choking with a penis where the penis is put so far down the woman's throat that it activates the gag reflex. In some cases she actually vomits.

You also see one woman with three men being orally, analy, vaginally penetrated as she's being sometimes slapped, spit on, as her hair is being pulled and being called names like 'whore, bitch, slut, cum-dumpster' and other things I can't say on the television."

Unrulysun · 19/04/2011 17:10

Rita I'd be very interested to know how you can see so much evidence and still be going 'la la la la la la, I need real evidence'?

What actually is your view here?

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 17:09

I picked the stuff at the top of the list, that's all < shrug >

RitaLynn · 19/04/2011 17:06

I don't think we need to get into a debate as to what would pass muster for some serious social scientific research, but the point was that you objectively picked the worst stuff, that's all.

As I mentioned, it would be very interesting to see such research to see what is being accessed on the internet.

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 16:55

my list sorry

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 16:55

my lost was totally objective

I lifted the first two websites from the top ten googled "most viewed porn" and then selected a few titles from the very first couple of pages of both of them

bearing in mind that this is how most people would google for something (including minors), I think my list was objective and realistic

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 16:44

Sorry for typos, must preview!

Beachcomber · 19/04/2011 16:43

I see the 'bullporn' site has reclaimed its number 1 position in google.

They helpfully have a list of categories in alphabetical order at the bottom of the page - first in the list is 'abused' and last is 'young'.

You should check it out RitaLynn. Do so with caution though - there is quite a lot of this site of the 'daddy fucks daughter' type stuff, there is also quite a lot of videos which show sleeping women or unconscious women. I'm afraid I didn't click to see if these are films of real life rapes or if they are simulated/porn rapes. Couldn't stomach it.

SueSylvesterforPM · 19/04/2011 16:37

personally I find it more disturbing

glamour models without surgery are bodywise much healthier role models

there was this model who looked like an underdeveloped pre teen with a thong suit on which barely covered her hoo-hah (think baywatch costumes)

It was disgusting i turned over.

RitaLynn · 19/04/2011 16:25

Sue,

It's a good question - I think the porn thing is being done here on other threads to death

Whether the same objections arise would be an interesting issue

SueSylvesterforPM · 19/04/2011 16:15

this is a bit of a random question for all occured to me last night watching james brown hairdresser whatever, I'm guessing the viiew on glamour modelling is similar to porn stars.

What do you think of 'high fashion models' I never hear any discussions on that. there obviously very exploited just in differrent ways, In some ways I find it more disturbing any way I noticed this had never been mentioned, sorry hijacking

RitaLynn · 19/04/2011 16:01

Eggy,

The difference between your post and the one prosperina posted is that yours was deliberately a cherry picked "worst list". I checked prosperina's list, and it's the most viewed top ten. There is some nasty stuff on the web, I just don't think your analysis was very objective

RitaLynn · 19/04/2011 15:59

Well, we could argue about whether "melons" was a degrading term. I don't think anyone would expert the list to be Susie (BS Chemical Engineering, likes cycling, favourite movie, titanic, two elder sisters) has lovely melons, and yes, porn does objectify men and women, (which is where my objection comes from), but the language is pretty tame. Crikey, my DH says I have nice boobs, is he degrading me?

EggyFucker · 19/04/2011 15:56

rita...you didn't address my list yesterday at 13:59

your denial is showing

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 19/04/2011 13:13

RitaLynn - no it doesn't! That all seems pretty degrading to me. The language for a start is nasty: "melons", "big boob", "cum", "pussy", "honky kong". Reducing women down to body parts (and men in the case of honky kong).

"Teenagers in Love" 2nd in the list Hmm