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Original poster

Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

737 replies

GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 09:50

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 10/04/2011 12:04

That's a bit of a cop out isn't it dittany? You just don't speak to people who question you. And whatever difference does it make if topoff is black?

AyeRobot · 10/04/2011 12:03

But this isn't some kind of porn user rehab board. There are hundreds of those out there. And real life support groups too.

But, of course, we're doing feminism wrong again.

dittany · 10/04/2011 12:02

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Original poster
GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 12:02

I wasn't aware of your reputation dittany. It's completely unproductive for you to keep on insulting me and me trying to argue back. I'm sorry but I'll leave it with you there.

I don't think it's like a BNP supporter asking black people why racism is bad. It's more like an alcoholic asking a doctor or AA why drinking is bad. I recognise my problem here.

I maintain that I'm a fairly decent guy, and the kind of guy who actually would be an ally in the fight against porn

OP posts:
Caz10 · 10/04/2011 11:58

If this were alcoholics anonymous, and someone admitted to having a problem, hopefully they'd be helpful).

I agree with this statement! OP, I think maybe you just need to find an alternative?

BooBooGlass · 10/04/2011 11:58

Quite topoff

Original poster
GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 11:58

Stewie

I think the work of Robert Jensen could be very useful, I'm going to read it. The point of my thread is that like any "addiction" or behaviour, it's not easy to stop. We don't just tell alcoholics to stop drinking, even though it's what they should do.

As I was watching the documentary above, I could see similar situations I've seen on the internet, but whereas what I've seen on the internet has been the edited erotic version, the documentary showed it in a completely different horrible light. I think I need for that second light to become more powerful than the erotic light in my head (does that make sense?)

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 10/04/2011 11:58

But it's ok for you to tell other people to go away? No double standard there at all I see Hmm
It's a shame dittany, because I know you scare a lot of people away from this topic. There's just no need to be so damn rude. The guy asked a question. You responded, as per, with a personal attack.
And you reply to him that 'It is not the job of the feminist section to do the work of men's consciences for them. ' Do you not think that that's exactly what this section could be used for? Why does having a penis prevent him from asking a question? And why is your opinion more valid as a woman?

Topoff · 10/04/2011 11:57

I think it would be a good idea for members of the BNP to meet black people to discuss racism.

In fact I think it's a great idea.

dittany · 10/04/2011 11:55

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StewieGriffinsMom · 10/04/2011 11:55

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StewieGriffinsMom · 10/04/2011 11:52

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Original poster
GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 11:51

Dittany, I'm not going to argue with you, I've been seriously reading work such as those by Andrea Dworkin, so it's not just a passive thing. I'm actively trying to convince myself. I'm not passive aggressive, you started the argumentative tone here. Let's leave it at that.

Wubbly The answer to your question is "quite". I think I know porn is exploitative, but I don't think it's that simple to just stop. There are millions of decent men like me, who treat women well, think porn is a bit mucky, but in a hotel room on their own, just click on the internet and have a wank.

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 10/04/2011 11:51

No dittany, you're still being patronising so I'll ask again. What if OP was a woman?

dittany · 10/04/2011 11:48

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BooBooGlass · 10/04/2011 11:45

I see you're living up to your reputation again Dittany. Tell me, what would your reaction have been had OP been female? I opened the thread assuming they would be. How is telling omeone to go away at all constructive?

wubblybubbly · 10/04/2011 11:43

How hard is it to say to yourself that it's exploitative and just stop watching?

There you go, job done.

dittany · 10/04/2011 11:42

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Original poster
GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 11:41

that should be "exploiting women to ask for help".

The point is that lots of fairly normal people like me use porn (not obsessively), aren't happy about it, and want some advice, not to be told how terrible they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 11:40

Thanks to those for the links.

I still assert I'm a feminist. It turns out Dittany, you're wrong. I'm arguing back, not because I'm trolling, but because you've been aggressive. It's not exploitative of women of ask for help.

(Honestly, I don't know what some of the more aggressive posters hope to achieve. If this were alcoholics anonymous, and someone admitted to having a problem, hopefully they'd be helpful).

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 10/04/2011 11:34

You've been given links.

Troll Trot off.

dittany · 10/04/2011 11:34

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Original poster
GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 11:32

Dittany, I am a feminist

OP posts:
Original poster
GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 11:31

Dittany that makes no sense at all. I'm not a defender of porn looking for an argument. I'm a fairly normal decent man, who although I dislike porn, find myself occasionally tempted to whack off to porn. I'm not proud of it.

OP posts:
dittany · 10/04/2011 11:30

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