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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

737 replies

GuiltyPornUser · 10/04/2011 09:50

Firstly, sorry if this is the wrong place to post this, although I thought it may be the most appropriate. I'm a married man, and I use porn fairly regularly. It's not something I feel has a massive negative effect on my life, but I feel bad about it. I'm not someone who specially goes out of my way to buy porn, (I've never paid for it), but with the internet, it's only ever a few clicks away.

I want to be convinced that it's wrong. I recently read Andrea Dworkin's book on pornography, but it hasn't stopped me. I appreciate that a lot of stuff on the web is very brutal and degrading to women, but a lot of the stuff is less obviously so.

My DW wouldn't be happy with me using porn, and I want to stop. I want to be convinced that it's wrong, and how I go about stopping using porn, when it's so easy to find on the internet.

There may be some here who think porn is acceptable and I'm just suffering from some almost religious guilt.

I'd really welcome some advice here, because my DW could find out one day and I want to stop.

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SueSylvesterforPM · 11/04/2011 13:42

He doesn't seem to be able to hear it when a woman draws a boundary and says no.

it sounds like you're implying he's some kind of rapist because he posted on a thread you find offensive, maybe inbox him? It may have a better effect on his posting.

I think the implication my fuel his anger more.

charitygirl · 11/04/2011 11:58

You sure hung around though didn't you? Did you follow the link to the more appropriate site you were directed to by about post three?

Probably not as exciting to discuss this with men though is it? Must have been a shock when we didn't all start congratulating you for your worthy intentions I'll admit. Do you see now why you might have to do a little more study before you describe yourself as a 'feminist' again?

GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:57

Final post, sorry to those who have been offended by me posting here.

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GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:51

Charity, I started this thread with an admission that I wasn't sure this was the correct place.

I think I will piss off. I've been given some good advice, so thanks to those people who have been helpful.

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hellymelly · 11/04/2011 11:51

I see that you can't go back ,I just don't see why it is such a big issue going forward.

charitygirl · 11/04/2011 11:44

I'm sure someone has made this point upthread but just in case - your comparison with alcoholism is beyond facile, but even if it wasn't: this ISN'T Porn Users Anonymous. Not even vaguely similar in purpose or content. So why should you find help here?

Now piss off, and stop stroking your ego with what a great guy you are to want to stop using porn.

GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:44

Ok helly, I'm not suggesting it's a great achievement, but like any other problem, it's a step at a time, I can't go back in the past!

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hellymelly · 11/04/2011 11:42

(should WE.not be)

lemonmuffin · 11/04/2011 11:42

Gpu, you keep on posting wherever you like. You're a parent and entitled to use this forum within its rules. Ignore the attacks you're getting; certain people seem to think they can control this board. They can't.

hellymelly · 11/04/2011 11:42

Should be buy you a silver trophy now then? "No wanking to porn for a whole day!!!" award winner GPU ,April 2011. (cue cheering and women waving their bras aloft).

dittany · 11/04/2011 11:39

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GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:39

Since yesterday, when I started this thread, I've not used porn, so with the information provided, I have stopped!

I'm coming back to this thread as people ask me questions. Sorry if that upsets people.

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GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:36

I'll leave the other thread, but I'm not falling for it. You asked me a question in the other thread, I responded, and now you're implying I'm some kind of rapist.

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hellymelly · 11/04/2011 11:33

I am a bit baffled really-you are convinced you are a "decent bloke" and yet you are lying to your wife about something which you know would upset her,and you are using porn even though you have enough awareness and knowledge to understand that you should stop.It shouldn't take seven pages of a thread ,asking um..women,to support you in stopping.are you twelve years old? just don't wank to porn, and talk to your wife.there is something slightly strange about your need for all of us to validate you and pat you on the back for not wanking to abused women. Not my definition of a decent bloke,my definition of a weak willed and needy man who needs to grow up.

GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:33

Dittany

The only one being aggressive here is you. I didn't come on this board to say porn is great and to defend it. I watched porn yesterday with the words of Robert Jensen in my mind. You're completely and deliberately misconstruing what I wrote when I said I looked at porn.

It's quite clear you hate me, and I can only retort that your hatred is completely unproductive.

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dittany · 11/04/2011 11:30

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dittany · 11/04/2011 11:27

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dittany · 11/04/2011 11:25

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GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:24

should be hate porn passionately

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GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:20

I thought the comments on Dworkin were relevant as I'd recently read her work, Dittany, the only person being aggressive in these threads is you. I can understand you have porn passionately, but attacking me personally is completely unproductive.

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GuiltyPornUser · 11/04/2011 11:19

Ok, I'm back. Since yesterday (I'm not responding to the unjustified attack again Dittany)

Have I looked? Yes, to consider the images and what's going on from a different perspective - is this violent, etc?

Have I wanked? No, I'm serious about this.
Have I read Robert Jensen? Yes
Have I told my wife? No

Jess

I have a natural emotional sense that porn is bad before I came here, I can't really explain more. What did I want you to say - I wanted evidence and links to anti-porn material - I hadn't heard of Robert Jensen before yesterday, thanks for that.

I've not told my wife, I think if I stop (and I don't use it a lot) then problem solved. It doesn't damage my relationship, but my wife wouldn't be happy (I think), and I don't want the potential for damage to my relationship.

I know some may not agree with me, but I am quite possibly the kind of man that would make a good ally in the fight against porn.

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dittany · 11/04/2011 11:16

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JessinAvalon · 11/04/2011 11:09

Hi GPU
I'd be interested in getting answers to my questions.

dittany · 11/04/2011 11:07

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Prolesworth · 11/04/2011 11:03

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