Porn - I use it and feel bad - help convince me porn is wrong

EllieG, I don't want to speak for other MN feminists but I think I can safely say that nobody will tell you to sod off.

EggyFucker's post says all I want to say really but I just wanted to add another 'voice'.

You are thinking about it now because it has been brought to your attention. We all think the way we do because one day it was brought to our attention by someone.

Just, join the 'club' of people who don't want to put up with it and use your new found knowledge to be true to yourself.

The truth about the porn industry is a difficult one to face for many many reasons. To cite a well known reference here, I don't blame myself, I blame the patriarchy.

Don't beat yourself up.

Don't be silly, Ellie

Do you think all the women on this board have never seen porn ?

You are right to feel horrible after following the links, you would have to be made of stone not to do so

Don't beat yourself up though, it's a learning curve

Alhough I believe ignorance is not an excuse, I am as guilty as you are (and lots of other people too)

Society's brainwashing that tells you that porn is OK and is healthy people having healthy sex is very pervasive. Having a complete change of heart, and admitting you were wrong shows strength of character

Now dry your tears and start thinking of small ways you can help to spread the message x

I've been following this thread with interest and read all the links. I feel just horrible, I used porn in the past as it seemed so acceptable and mainstream. It's actually making me cry now to think that I have participated in something that harms women so much, I feel dreadful, and should do. It's been a long time since I used anything like that (it was something an ex-p liked to do) but I never really thought of it as being 'bad' until quite recently, and even then, hadn't really thought about the damage it did. Am thinking now, and honestly, after looking at those links, I can't stop crying. It's horrible, I feel horrible. Can't believed I watched all that and thought it was OK because 'consensual'. Can't believe I was so stupid.

Sorry for hyjack, not sure why posting - maybe 'fessing up? Will probably get told to sod off forever off the feminism board.

Quite MrIC.

I mentioned that the boys were from an underprivileged area because, despite the fact that they have been pretty much left to one side by society, and they lived in an area that was violent and uncaring, they all were able to understand why the violent and uncaring nature of porn was wrong.

They were also, unsurprisingly, able to see how racist porn is.

The liberal 'free speech' 'freedom to choose' argument is infuriating in its complacency.

It's not just the underprivileged boys though - I went to a boarding school; it was co-ed and in some ways very enlightened (it was a teacher there that got me interested in feminism). However pornography, when it was discussed as part of PSE (personal and social education - I guess that would be called citizenship these days), was just dismissed as the price you pay for free speech and a free press; I remember we looked at the Oz obscenity trial. Basically we were being told "don't gripe about porn, because censorship is wrong", which is an entirely different matter altogether. But it also meant that is was a while before I gave pornography any serious thought from a feminist angle, because I always saw it as tied into the free speech discussion.... I don't know if any other boys (or indeed women) saw it this way.

RitaLynn your last few posts have left me shaking my head.

Why are you so keen to make a case for excusing porn consumers?

Teenage boys who use porn may not mean to be misogynistic, or think that they are being misogynistic, but the reality is that they are participating in misogyny.

Whilst I do think that young people who watch porn are being exploited, I think it is important for responsible and adult members of society to wholeheartedly frown on the actions of these youngsters and label their actions for what they are.

We will never get anywhere otherwise.

I don't know if you have daughters, but I do, and I vehemently do not want male counterparts, who are part of their lives, to be sent the message that porn is ok and some sort of right of passage.

We have the example of a young man on this thread who has figured things out for himself, and well done to him. These things should not be left to chance however.

Older men have no excuse, but young men using porn should not be condoned under some sort of 'they didn't mean it' umbrella. The young men in question may not be the ones to blame but society needs to be ashamed of itself if it does not act as moral guardian on their behalf.

I once did a workshop on pornography with young men from a seriously under privileged area in France. They all admitted to using porn. I asked them if they would be happy for their sisters or other female relatives to be in porn. They all, without exception, said no. They didn't find it easy to express why, but after some thought, they all said that they thought it would be bad for the women they knew and would be damaging for them. they also said that they would hate for their female relatives to be thought about in 'that way' by random men.

There were some wise heads on young shoulders - they just needed someone to give them the opportunity to think about things and question them.

"...buried in there ..." even.

I'm sure there was an insult buried in their. Never read any of Dickens work personally. Well, I've been compared to worse things than a highly respected writer of classical fiction who was also known as a social visionary.

Getting back on topic, OP, I hope things work out with your wife and you can kick the habit. If you do, you'll be doing better than most men. I'm glad my input was helpful.

as in I'm in my own little world and nobody has the slightest idea what I'm on about becuase I make no sense?

Or as in I just spontaneously combusted and all that's left is a slightly charred copy of Razzle?

Charles Dickens was a social reformer - he cared about the underclass and prostitutes in particular.
That's the relevance. >

Ousel

I didn't show her the thread, and her reaction wasn't all positive, but we discussed it very openly. Difficult to say more really.

In that case, I will certainly take my own advice upthread SGM

I'm trying to understand your last post in relation to the pornography discussion, Inmydream but I'm afraid I'm a bit lost.

TheAutomic -

I wish you joy, youth, wigs, spinach, a goose at Christmas, music, hats, books, coal, satire and finery.
..... Because Charles Dickens had your number pal

Honest to God, I tried that, but it was over the 30 character limit

When you change your nn to FeelingSlightlyBetterEXPornUser, then I'll definitely give you a thumbs up, OP.

In the meantime, it's good to know you have stopped concealing it from your wife.

It's been a really interesting thread, especially thanks to AtomicBum who provided a male point of view.

The upshot is I've told my wife, we've had a good discussion, I've been reading quite a lot over the past few days.

Thanks to those who offered constructive advice, and I can understand the anger that came from some of you

Inmydream I think that was a bit uncalled for, don't you?
If more people had his "holier than thou" attitude, as you call it, the world would be a far kinder place than it is, wouldn't you agree?

I've been very interested in what you've had to say, TAB. Thanks for posting.

You don't have to put on a holier than thou attitude in order to stand up for other people, or to not descriminate against people.

As for porn conversations, I don't think I've discussed it with anyone but my DP, who is heartily against porn herself. I normally just stay out of it these days when the conversation comes up.

I have done - Depends who I'm with -

Possibly, but parties are hardley the place to discuss this. Well, except for the time when I got into a fight when a gay couple were being attacked.

Do you normally discuss your political and philosophical views over a drink, then?

I bet you're a riot at parties - do you bore people to death with your holier than thou personality?

Also, to answer you're earlier question Rita, I don't consider myself to be a feminist exactly. Althought I believe in equality for everyone, I feel this covers all forms of prejudism from sexism to racism, to homophobia and ablism. I can't stand anyone being discrimiated. My views with regard to sexism do coincide with feminism, but as I think it's one of many forms of prejudism that need to be adressed. I hope that makes sense.