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Original poster

Article on Motherhood in Guardian

396 replies

Blackduck · 26/03/2011 07:03

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/mar/26/modern-mother-equality-illusion

Have only skim read, but usual comments!

OP posts:
noodle69 · 29/03/2011 17:06

It is far from my reach to imagine men getting paid significntly more than women, doing particularly long hours, commuting etc. It doesnt happen in my area, I dont experience it. Everyone looks at things through their own experiences that doesnt mean they dont want to change things.

swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 17:05

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noodle69 · 29/03/2011 17:04

This is my class and I do look through it through that just like the guardian womens looks though it through her class/culture/aspirations. Just cause I am Working class doesnt mean my thoughts on the subject are irrelevant.

swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 17:03

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noodle69 · 29/03/2011 17:02

Right so your friend being totally fucked around by an arsehole and that hurts me cause I love her is me making it about me? Cause its going to hurt, you dont want to see people you care about get hurt. She does hate it she tells me all the time. Its all we ever talk about and drives me mad. She wants him to let her go and do stuff but he is never there to take the kids, she wants him to help her but he just wont.

swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 17:02

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noodle69 · 29/03/2011 17:00

I dont blame them to them. My best friend in particular is a very pretty girl she goes out with the bloke he is not attractive, useless, hardly ever has a job or doesnt go in, he doesnt help with childcare, he goes out so much she cant go out etc.

We are in a big group of friends and I say you dont deserve this look at x,y,zs dad doing this and that. Your boyf should do it. She says what can I do?, he doesnt like it, he just says he is doing it etc.

dittany · 29/03/2011 17:00

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swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 17:00

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dittany · 29/03/2011 16:58

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noodle69 · 29/03/2011 16:58

Yeah but ho wdo I make them change? My husband has disassociated from them, we both wrote on facebook what dicks they are being to the girls. We tell them to the face they are nobs. Both me and my husband, my other friends and their men have told the girls that the blokes are idiots, 1000s and 1000s of times. I must talk it about a few hours a week at least you think you get headway, then nothing.

What else can I do? It hurts me and I want them to say fuck you to them. I want them not to have to do this.

swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 16:57

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dittany · 29/03/2011 16:54

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dittany · 29/03/2011 16:54

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dittany · 29/03/2011 16:53

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swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 16:52

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noodle69 · 29/03/2011 16:52

'what would help them is their menfolk changing.'

How? How do I make them change? Thats what I mean I have tried everything I can think of

noodle69 · 29/03/2011 16:52

They come from homes where the parents are still together and the parents help but its not the point he doesnt love her if he treats her as mug in my eyes. Yeah they feel safe the partners arent physically abusive they are lazy and selfish. If they left they probably wouldnt even get up to close the door, they just like tea on the table and the luxuries of being at home. They are part of the community, they are very good friends.

Satireisbest · 29/03/2011 16:51

Well I must say I agree with you Dittany

But i think it should be sorted out before you have children.
They should agree that both will work reduced hours, so they can do 50-50 housework and childcare. And therefore neither will be financially reliant on the other.

If both take equal maternity/paternity leave then employers will have to stop discriminating against women.

Then if the marriage fails, shared residency means neither has to sacrifice their financial independence. And end up doing all the childcare.

swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 16:50

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swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 16:50

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noodle69 · 29/03/2011 16:49

Dittany what you have wrote wouldnt help my friends. I tell them, they know we all think they are idiots for doing it, even the lads like my husband say they are idiots cause they do it actually to their faces. We have wrote it on facebook to publically name and shame them in front of all the people in town. Everyone comments says they are idiots for doing the things they do. They dont care they just sit on their asses on the xbox. It doesnt change them at all.

I think the only way is to make the girls think YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. This is actually making me cry Sad

swallowedAfly · 29/03/2011 16:48

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dittany · 29/03/2011 16:47

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noodle69 · 29/03/2011 16:43

I do say things to them like are you going to look after the kids tonight why we go out you fucking prick youve been out x amount of times this week. Then they are like well, no Ive got a see blah and pick an xbox or whatever. I definitely tell them. If it wasnt illegal they would be dead on the patio.