How might it change our whole society if both men and women were equally responsible for...

Sorry dont know how your name ended up in apostrophes there I copied and pasted it

Hereforlife said 'think it'd be great, I think both parents working part-time and having equal childcare responsibility is the ideal

Neither sacrificing their careers, so neither is financially reliant on the other. One doesn't have the responsibility of being main carer'

Oooh - you have described my family set up! However, I would caution that is does take self discipline to resist the lure of material possessions over a quality home life. I was tempted into applying for a very well paid FT job, thinking of bigger house, better holidays etc etc. Fortunately I wasn't successful and I won't make that mistake again.

Our life is perfect. We have time for the children and time for each other (days off coincided yesterday and we went for a hillwalk together in school hours, bliss)

Only downside is the effect on our pensions, but we will have to worry about that later and I cannot imagine either of us regret these precious years.

'InmaculadaConcepcion '

I see it as I gave birth to them that gives me more of aright to doss around more with the kids. Nobody in their right mind is going to choose working over staying at home with the kids. I think it would cause too much resentment. I definitely wouldnt want things to change.

Also with subsequent DCS most mums have gone part time as they want to be with their kids so it wouldnt work financially to swap round after baby 1.

allnewtaketwo - you're right of course, but how many jobs allow for a man to take 240 days off? The fight for decent mat leave and the right to come back to your job is still not won (with so many women discriminated against while pregnant/on mat leave). I cannot see it being quite that straightforward for most men, when indeed it isn't for a lot of women yet, even with legislation.

Doesn't seem much support for equal childcare does there?

Tbh I think the majority of women still want the man to carry on working and the woman to go part-time or sahm.

And why not? If the choice was given see plenty of your children or go to work? I know what I'd choose.

The patriarchy has done a fantasic job though.

But why do you think that responsibility isn't equal now? - why let society dictate your choices as a family. E.g. in my relationship both my husband and I took equal time off work after DS was born, which imo was very equal. We didn't let society dictate to us who should be responsible

There would have to be a seismic shift in how employers viewed their employees.
Given how unprepared many are to deal properly with the time off needed for the physical necessity of birth and breastfeeding, I can't imagine them being that thrilled with having to "accommodate" the male half of the population as well.

I don't think that would be the case, noodle. After all, couples negotiate loads of areas in a (healthy) relationship and this would just be one more. And obviously, there would be factors (apart from pure preference) affecting who took the most leave, such as different salaries/stages in careers etc. If both couples wanted to be SAHPs, maybe they could take turns with the arrival of more DCs....

I would hate it. I think it depends entirely on the couple and who is more ambitious, who likes being at home, earns more etc. If it suits them people can do it now. I loved having the giant part of care and having career breaks and would have been really upset to be the one who had to go out to paid work.

I think it would cause a lot of arguments as everyone would be fighting to be the one to stay at home and look after the kids.

I think maybe if it was exactly even their would be less arguments but if you had to organise it between the 2 of you it would just cause too many disagreements.

this subject is one reason why the EU is the feminists friend - the EU Parliament voted a couple of months back on statutory maternity leave which could be shared with the father. I wasn't as generous as Sweden's (I think it was 5 months) but it was better that the current UK provision at any rate, and it would have been higher had some of the proposals passed.

Naturally all the UK papers kicked off about how the EU was interfering and try to steal our sovereignty

I think it'd be great, I think both parents working part-time and having equal childcare responsibility is the ideal

Neither sacrificing their careers, so neither is financially reliant on the other. One doesn't have the responsibility of being main carer.

So if the relationship did end both could support the children and carry on working as well.

But I still see a lot of women who want to be sahms or go part-time, and the man stay full-time.

I think they'd have to be a big shift in men and women's views on who should look after the children most.

well done for finding it! All I really gave you was the name of the author. But that's the right one. I used to read lots of her books years ago. She uses science fiction backgrounds to explore lots of issues.

Actually, I'm glad you found the title! Time for a reread, I think!

There's a book I read some years ago, set on a fictional planet, where all the people are hermaphrodites, and can all become pregnant. It describes how society is set up with organised child care in the workplace and a system to cater for it. Very interesting ideas explored in that book.

Unfortunaely, I don't remember the title of the book (I read it at least 13 years ago) but I'm fairly sure it was by Ursula Leguin.

Both dh and I would love that.

Like Sweden?

There they have 480 days parental leave and mothers and fathers are expected to share the 480 days equally. It is possible for one parent to take up to 420 days of the total leave, but the remaining 60 days are then reserved for the other parent.

www.thelocal.se/14022/20080829/