Feminism and My 7 YO dd. The right message

Is it ok for dad to fetch mum a beer if dad has fetched mum a glass of wine?

should read

Is it ok for mum to fetch dad a beer if dad has fetched mum a glass of wine?

I'm sorry Dittany, I genuinly don't understand why fetching your dad a beer teaches that men are more important than women?

Would it be ok to fetch mum a beer?

Would it be ok to fetch dad a more 'feminine' drink?

Is it ok for dad to fetch mum a beer if dad has fetched mum a glass of wine?

Sorry, that sounds as if I'm being obtuse, I'm just picking your brains as I usually think you're bang on track!

aww I don't know 'notsweatingthesmallstuff' everyone's allowed to sit on their arse and ask for thing sometimes arent they? 99% of the time if someone in our house asks someone else to fetch something it's because they're going that way anyway. And if anyone did sit and ask someone else to get up and get something they'd be met with - 'get it yourself!'

But I've been known to slump on the chair after 12 hours on the go, realise I wanted a glass of water, and turn to the nearest seated family member and say 'pleeeeease fetch me a glass of water?'

It's not a feminist issue in our house as every one is equal, man woman or child!

But don't we fetch things for the children all the time? I don't think it hurts them to do things that benfit us sometimes too. We have a cleaner so there are no real chores in the house. The only way the children can contribute is to pick up after themselves and do small favours for us adults. I have to say, i don't think I've ever asked one of them to fetch a beer! But I do fetch beer for DP on occassion, as he fetches my wine. With the kids its more that one of us will say 'if you're going to the kitchen can you please bring me back the biscuits'

They've never said 'I'm not your slave' cheeky littleportofino

I agree with Dittany about asking the child to do something like that. It seems to suggest that its ok for daddy to sit there on his fat/skinny arse and get someone to run after him. What would he say if dd was sitting doing nothing and said "can you get up from whatever you are doing and get me a glass of juice dad? " Although I have tried to bring my girls up as feminists (by which i mean that they are equal to but not the same as boys) my OH will often pull this stunt, sometimes just as a wind up, and too often I find that we give an exasperated comment like your daughter, but then do it! I continually find it hard to walk the walk as well as talking the talk!

I usually agree with you Dittany but i'm not sure about that. Assuming the dad is a fair person and everyone is the house is equal, I think OP's DD should be encouraged to fetch items for her dad. The fact it's a beer is irrelevent isn't it?

get her the Sandi Toksvig book, Girls Are Best.

Flamingo - mine are the same re doctors and nurses, even though they have hardly ever seen a male doctor in their life and dd's best friend's dad is a nurse.

I think you can make a particular effort to show her counter-examples. I was nattering to my dd this morning about my friend from college who is a scientist who helps invent ways to make buildings safe from earthquakes AND HAS LONG HAIR even though the hair was completely irrelevant (and indeed this risks pandering to the obsession with women's appearance) and I was just trying to underline that SHE IS A GIRL.

Just keep talking to her about it, and hope that that will counteract the socialising she's experiencing. My home educated daughters, who've been to hospital and been cared for by male nurses and female doctors and none of whose books show female nurses and male doctors only still say that nurses are women and doctors are men . Just goes to show how insidious gender stereotyping really is!

Have you read Delusions of Gender, by Cordelia Fine? That's a great book.