Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

What can I do about this? Everyone but me thinks it's a non issue

65 replies

MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 09:17

I don't even know if it I'd a feminist issue but I suspect it is.

Yesterday I was getting some things out of my car and had to lean quite far into the boot. 3 men were walking past, obviously been drinking, one of them grab my bottom and pinched it really hard for several seconds. I shouted and swore at him. He swaggered off laughing with his friends.

I actually feel upset and almost violated. My family think I am totally over reacting and that the man was just messing about. I feel sick that anyone could think this behaviour is acceptable

I just don't know what to do about it, I want to report it to the police but dh thinks they'll just laugh at me!

OP posts:
TitsalinaBumSquash · 13/03/2011 13:34

I hate that groping strangers in publis is seen as funny and acceptable, I can't count the amoutn of times men and women who I don't know (mosty men) have grabbed my breasts and bottom! I have quizzed a people who have done it and have had some ignorant twat tell me that it's ok becuase I have big breast I should expect to get them grabbed Hmm

JoBettany · 13/03/2011 13:33

That's great. Well done.

Prolesworth · 13/03/2011 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 13:30

WELL DONE.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 13:29

Well I phone, my heart is still pounding! The police man I spoke to was really nice and understanding and didn't think I was being stupid at all. They are going to send a female officer round to speak to me, possibly later today but probably tomorrow.

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 13/03/2011 12:46

Good point too elvis. My father used to stay in the garage with the door open when I was washing the car as z teenager because hd found it unacceptable the way our neighbour leered at me (although my father also had issues with the way hd leered at my mother and suspect that he would be outraged if two drunk men grabbed my mum too so clearly he already gets what OP's doesn't.)

BlingLoving · 13/03/2011 12:43

Oh, this makes me so mad. A man once grabbed my breast at Oxford circus tube. I shouted at him and my female friend who was with me told me that I was making a scene!? Good for you for calling the police. It's not acceptable. As someone else said, I bet if two drunk gay men walked past and grabbed your dh's ass he'd consider that pretty unacceptable.

elvisgirl · 13/03/2011 12:42

OP, do you know if your DH would think it acceptable if that happened to your daughter (if you have/had a daughter)? Just wondering if there was a way to make him see the wrongness of it.

DuelingFanjo · 13/03/2011 12:41

I was going to mention iHollaback too.

AyeRobot · 13/03/2011 12:40

OP, have you asked your husband and your family if they do this kind of thing? And why they do/don't?

Goblinchild · 13/03/2011 12:38

'How would these low-lifes feel if the same happened to their wife/girlfriend/daughter/sister/mother? I sincerely hope they wouldn't think it was just "a bit of fun".'

elvisgirl, I thinkthat's part of the problem. That's what the OP's family are saying to her.
OP, as others have said. Report it as a sexual assault.Your family need educating too.Angry

AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 12:36

elvisgirl, they would take any touching of their women by another man as an affront to THEIR masculinity, and no doubt go at him with their fists. so... more women being treated as property etc.

dittany · 13/03/2011 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JoBettany · 13/03/2011 12:34

Good for you for phoning the police. I was in a local shop with my DS a couple of years ago. He was 6. Two drunk men came into the shop. As soon as they clapped eyes on me they started leering at me and making suggestive comments.

One of them then approached me and offered me a 'shag'. My DS was open mouthed.

I felt totally humiliated.

Why do men think they can do this? It sucks. I hope the police manage to find whoever did this.

franke · 13/03/2011 12:34

No, you're not over-reacting memoo. What a horrible thing to happen and then to top it all, no support from your dh. I hope the police can do something.

elvisgirl · 13/03/2011 12:32

How would these low-lifes feel if the same happened to their wife/girlfriend/daughter/sister/mother? I sincerely hope they wouldn't think it was just "a bit of fun".

Astronaut79 · 13/03/2011 12:29

up the arse.

Astronaut79 · 13/03/2011 12:29

your Dh needs a kick of the arse. Just told my Dh about this thread and the first thing he said was: phone the police.

AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 12:23

well that's a positive, then. the police might be more inclined to do something if they can clear up their identities sharply. i am on your behalf that this sort of behaviour is considered fine and dandy. a woman has to be able to put stuff in the boot of her own car without being treated like a piece of meat, ffs.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 12:22

I'm ok, a bit anxious but mostly just really angry. Especially angry at dh who just doesn't get it.

OP posts:
Prolesworth · 13/03/2011 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 12:17

Dd goes for a nap about 1ish so will call then

OP posts:
Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 12:16

Oh never thought of CCTV! They were heading towards the shop and that definitely has CCTV in

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 13/03/2011 12:11

i would ask to speak to the officer who deals with sexual assaults, for starters, so you don't speak to a meathead (although imlimitede police always v kind).

sorry this happened to you memoo, it's just fucking vile to think that some men think we are there for the taking in that way. and you never know, there might be cctv footage of the three in your area.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 13/03/2011 12:10

Exactly right, MMM.

good luck! As you say, even if nothing happens, you've reported it. Most of us don't for fear of not being taken seriously - it's a powerful weapon, scorn.

Swipe left for the next trending thread