Regretting having children

yes but I'm not talking about barbaric countries TeiTua, where women have no access to contraception, or have no choice but to have sex, or have no other role in life apart from child-bearing and rearing.

I'm talking about situations where women have reasonable autonomy over their bodies, but who then choose not to have children because they just don't fancy risking it, because of what they'll lose. In fact you could say that extreme patriarchal countries know very well that women won't bother to have children given enough autonomy so they impose motherhood upon their women.

I'm looking towards the future where women will choose to have kids because society will recognize the value of their contribution. Tbf the UK is relatively good in this respect because it provides quite well for mothers in terms of maternity leave and state help, but it could do a lot better.

Actually the places that have the highest birth rate are the ones where women have essentially no power at all. I think Afghanistan has about the highest rate of all right nowno wait, a few African countries are higherbut it's very high. It's a pretty well-attested statistic that as the condition of women improves, a country's birth rate will drop. But maybe there are circumstances that make women (men too?) more willing to have children, in a prosperous free society. It would be interesting to hear what those conditions are.

Dead last (except Hong Kong) are the countries that lost World War 2--Germany, Italy and Japan. Coincidence?

just found an article here

"Many Japanese companies are taking no chances that the government's policies will arrest the fall in the nation's birth rate, and are actively seeking to expand their market share aboard. "

That's all we are to the patriarchy. baby machines, and our babies are seen as a merely a contribution to the naitonal GDP. They don't realise that if women had equal status in society, in decision making and in business, they might be more willing to have children.

I think the root of this feeling that your life is over when you have a child is because lots of doors close to mothers, when they don't need to. The patriarchy has just set it up that way.

in japan the women are not having children. the fertility rate just keeps dropping, and the grey-heads at the top haven't made the connection between women's status in society and the fact they're refusing to have children. It's like a silent, passive-agressive, japanese-style revolt.
Daycare is very good and widely and cheaply available, the government have even resorted to giving out cash to parents every couple of months but that in itself is not enough to encourage women to have kids. Women aren't willing to give up their promotional prospects for the sake of having a child.

The point I'm getting at is, there will come a time when Japan, and other western countries will be forced to admit that bearing a child is a huge undertaking that takes its toll on a woman's body and life.

At the moment there still seems to be a sense that babies come from cabbage patches. Corporations and politicians have some sort of cognitive block when it comes to realising where exactly their customers and citizens come from . Governments may have to start providing decent subsidies for women who are prepared to undergo childbearing .

Or they can make re-entry into the workforce more feasible for middle-aged women. Right now it's near on impossible for a woman who has taken time out for child-rearing to become a politican. there is no reason for this. I'm always astounded at the incompetency of the male politicians who are in power and I realise that they can't have got where they did on merit, because they're rubbish at their job. So why not allow women who have raised children into positions of power? Raising children teaches you a lot of things about humanity, it makes sense to me that people who have experience in raising the next generation should be the ones to make decisions for society and the country.

Just quickly posting and then going to bed. But I agree HerBex. I sometimes feel very lucky I have a supportive DH (as often women feeling like this don't) but I still feel I have sacrificed a lot more than my DH. I deliberately waited along time to have a baby because I didn't want to lose my existing, very nice lifestyle. I don't regret having children at all but I can empathise with those women who are isolated and had their world turned upside down, especially while their partners carry on regardless with status and financial independence.