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Original poster

'That' thread....

114 replies

Janos · 04/02/2011 19:19

You probably know which one I'm referring to.

I have found it very upsetting to read because I have been in an almost identical situation to the OP :(

I was raped by a so called friend - it happened several years ago. I won't go into the details because I find it too upsetting to talk about. Suffice to say it was a bloody horrible experience.

I have been so distressed by some of the attitudes on that thread on that thread, but also heartened (if thats the right word) to read the comments from Rhadegunde, Dittany, IngridBergman, Blinder and others (sorry if have missed anyone out).

I don't feel able to post on there but wanted to say a heartfelt thank you. I'm glad there are women like you out there.

OP posts:
karmakameleon · 04/02/2011 19:59

That was to Kerry btw

karmakameleon · 04/02/2011 19:58

I think it's more likely to fuck someone up by saying that they should have known better than to invite a man in their house if they didn't want sex and that they were obviously gagging for it even though they said they weren't interested. But some people seem to think that's ok.

nickytwotimes · 04/02/2011 19:57

yep, this thread is not about whether that person wasc assaulted/raped or not.

it's about some of the comments.

charitygirl · 04/02/2011 19:55

It's not about whether the OP was raped Kerry. Clearly some posters found the subject matter triggering, and I don't blame them for wanting somewhere else to talk about it.

I didn't but I did find the many posts going on about the OP tacitly consenting to sex by inviting him for coffee/saying she should have thought about his partner/'taking responsibility for her actions' very depressing.

KerryMumbles · 04/02/2011 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

msrisotto · 04/02/2011 19:52

sigh Kerry, I see it like someone saying - Someone took my wallet off me, but I wasn't mugged. They can say they weren't mugged all they like, they can say the grass isn't green and the sky isn't blue. I however, will think differently. This isn't however another opportunity to debate this topic though.

Sharkadder · 04/02/2011 19:51

I think perhaps people are so keen to say "well why didn't you"/"why did you"/other victim-blaming stuff is because if they can convince themselves that the bad thing happened because of something the victim did/didn't do, then it won't happen to them because of course they would do things differently.

So many times I've seen on forums, basically, 'if you didn't fight then how was he supposed to know?', 'if you were raped then why haven't you called the police?', 'maybe he thought you were into it', 'you didn't say no' (as in, the word no, apparently yelling no is the only way to indicate non-consent).

Oh and the pervasive belief that rape is only rape if a woman is dragged into a dark alleyway.

Perhaps some of the posters are protecting themselves, in a way, from events in their own pasts (or presents), which they don't want to interrogate too closely.

nickytwotimes · 04/02/2011 19:49

that's awful janos. Sad

i had similar from my mum. i know others must have thought it.

Original poster
Janos · 04/02/2011 19:42

Yes there are some shocking comments on there. Though I'm not surprised those attitudes are out there it's always unpleasant to see them being articulated.

I remember going to see a counsellor afterwards. I described the experience and how upset I was and have never forgetten her saying 'Why did you let him do that to you?'

Angry
OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 04/02/2011 19:38

see, i didn't get involved for that reason, because i wasn't there and am not that person and it isn't my call. only she knows what it was.
it was more just some of the comments about rape in genral that depressed me.

KerryMumbles · 04/02/2011 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KerryMumbles · 04/02/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickytwotimes · 04/02/2011 19:24

yep, same here.

Sad
msrisotto · 04/02/2011 19:21

I found the thread disturbing too Janos. Some people are blinkered.