'Pushing presents'

not sure what I think, never heard of it before this thread.
It depends on the spirit of it I suppose. I can see why the idea niggles. It's almost like.. how can I put it.. it's like gifts/jewels/money are staking ownership of the progeny
On one level the idea of a gift for giving birth doesn't make sense to me at all.

Jetli's husband's gesture would have really hit the spot though.
Yes, I think that's the problem. Nurturing a new mother, the mother of your child, is one thing, but giving her a prezzie for pushing the baby out doesn't sit well with me.

I didn't have a baby as a favour to my ex, I had a baby because WE wanted to have one, but as I did most of the work, I don't see why I shouldn't get a treat at the end of it to say thanks, I love you.

But a "push present" and I do loathe that term is not gender biased it is work biased.

One of the couple bore the brunt of the discomfort and burden and has had their life turned inside out far more than the other that is what a gift acknowledges surely?

So I don't understand the argument that to suggest it is the woman that deserves the present is nasty.

Well DS dad and I weren't really on speaking terms when DS was born so it wasn't applicable in our case. I did get flowers from friends and a former employer, and that Christmas my mum gave me a necklace with DS name engraved on it.

I can sort of see the logic behind it, a gift as recognition that while you're both new parents, the woman has done the hard, painful bit and might appreciate a treat of some sort.

Argh, sorry Marion, I read that wrongly because I am pissed knackered. Sounds good!

I find it very sad when occasions for giving presents are gender-biased: it's not based on romantic ideas, it's based on canny guesses as to who is usually the major earner. So, instead, I buy DH flowers and I bought him an engagement ring, and so on. Everyone likes being bought presents and it's a nasty thing in our culture to suggest women deserve the majority of presents.

I love the idea of DH and me both buying some kind of lasting item if/when we have a child - I've never heard of a child who liked having a charm bracelet to add to year by year, but I can imagine it would be nice to say to an adult child that we have rings that were bought to celebrate his/her birth, maybe?

What NancyDrewHasAClue said.

Marion - so do you not celebrate your DCs birthdays? Or do you reckon that's a different way of spending money?

I find it confusing myself but I expect I will change when/if I have children.

Reading far too much into it if you ask me, a bit of bling to cheer up the new mum who's tired, maybe had major surgery, really is that unacceptable ?

I have my stretchmarks as a lovely momento - sigh.

Yes DP practically ran from the maternity ward to the GPs for his vasectomy after DD3! He's an old romantic...

If you and your DP both got some kind of memento at the same time, would you object?

thinking about it tumble drier DC1, replacement washing machine DC2, replacement tumble drier DC3 and replacement dishwasher DC4 ( should have got shares in Currys)

Then a vasectomy, best 'pushing present' ever

I think that after going through the trouble of gestating and giving birth to their child, then a present is the least I'd want

well, EXP didn't buy me a present when i gave birth but he did bring me flowers. i thought it was nice. i didn't see it like he was saying "well done you". i saw it more as an acknowledgement that what i had just done was pretty tough going and he wanted to make me feel better about it all. nobody feels great straight after giving birth so a i guess a little present or flowers to cheer you up isn't all that bad.

Now a tumble drier is true love IMHO

He went out and got a tumble drier, does that count?

Agree with trebuchet.

Plus of course there is nothing equal about having a baby - As I recall it was me who threw up every morning, curtailed my diet, couldn't walk properly, cried over stupid TV adds, got leaky breasts and a saggy tum, became a sleep deprived zombie, wee'd when I laughed (and don't even get me started about the trampoline!) missed wine, was incapable of inteligent thought let alone conversation etc etc

Of course it was all worth it but a little recognition and celebration is always nice

Dh was my personal slave after having the DCs which was, well, lovely.

I occasionally see threads where op is whining that her DP didn't get her an expensive gift for having the baby.

And I just think 'grow up you silly cow' which is probably deeply unfeminist but there you go.

My OH looked after the other children whilst I spent a week faffing about in bed with DC4 & 5. He kept the house tidy, kept them all fed, let me sleep and feed my baby. He went up the shop and got me the papers.

Yeah I know he should do all these things but he has got MS and we do have lots of kids.

He has never ONCE bought me even so much as a bunch of flowers after giving birth. I do remind him of this every so very often. But I dont mind really.