Whats in a name

31 replies

LilBB · 18/01/2011 20:06

Im new to feminism after stumbling across this part of the forum. I have been reading up on all things feminist. Whilst its clear that all feminists have differing views one thing I keep coming across is how taking your husbands name in marriage is frowned upon. I took my husbands name. Not because I felt I should but because I hated my maiden name. It reminded of my father who I have not spoken to in many years. I also wanted us to have a family name (tbh if I liked my maiden name I possibly would have suggested us both changing to that, although I'm unsure if a man can take his wifes name without changing it by deed poll?). I must confess I hate it when we have letters that say Mr & Mrs His Initial Our Surname. Just because we are married does not make me less important or less of a person. We are equal with our own names so why refer to us just as his? Why can't it be Mrs & Mr???

Anyway what are peoples views on this? Can a feminist take her husbands surname?

(Also if anyone could recommend a book that would give me a good overview/history of feminism I would appreciate it)

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StewieGriffinsMom · 18/01/2011 20:40

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HerBeX · 18/01/2011 20:39

LadyInPink · 18/01/2011 20:34

A very good point HerBeatitude and as I didn't like my maiden name (fathers name) it was the lesser of two evils to change to DH - though his wasn't that much better. His is double barrelled so joining our names would have been ridiculous so not an option either. I don't feel defeminated (is that the opposite to emasculated?) in taking his name as i wanted any children we may have (and we have now) to have the same name and be a family.

HerBeatitude · 18/01/2011 20:28

I don't know, I've always thought that as our names are usually our fathers' names, it's still not really "liberated" to cling on to those either.

We probably need something like X, like the Nation of ISlam had, to be really neutral

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 18/01/2011 20:27

I don't think any one action precludes someone from being a feminist. For me there aren't that many rules about being a feminist really. If you think that women are kept down, and they shouldn't be, and you want to do something to change it, that's it really, whether your name's Mrs Desmond O'Loofah or Emmeline Greer.

But I do think in terms of acts, taking your husband's name is not a feminist act. It perpetuates the tradition which has its roots in the ownership of women by men. And the more women continue to do it, the more men expect their wives to do it, and the harder it is for other women to retain their names (just their own names fgs) on marriage.

FlamingoBingo · 18/01/2011 20:17

I'd like to be involved in a discussion on this too.

I took my husband's name because it was more important to me to have a family name than keep my own name. I can't deny that I'm angry that my husband refused to change his name to mine - I think he probably would think differently about it now than he did then. I now wish I'd known and understood enough to insist that we both change our names to something completely new, if he didn't want to take mine, but it's done now.

I also hate being referred to as Mrs his-initial surname but it rarely happens, I find (except for when my real dad sends me letters .

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