What does someone actually mean when they say "I'm not a feminist"?

seeker I don't expect a club to be perfect before I sign up but what I do want to see as a minimum is more good than bad and a willingness to address the bad.

My difficulty with feminism as a movement is there is a great deal of judging as to who makes the grade - that is at least my experience.

I also dislike the inflexibility. Unless you sign up to the entire manifesto (as set and judged by who?) then you do not qualify. But it is not black and white is it? Your views can be feminist in relation to some issues and not so in relation to others. But I dislike the idea that it is all or nothing. It is unrealistic.

Sorry - "So a personal decision that perpetuates a misogynist world view, or supports the patriarchy is anti-feminist even if it is a woman that makes it and it is her free choice to make"

The problem is that "feminism" is a word that means something. A "feminist" is not just a person who believes in equality between men and women - a "feminist" is a person who considers the impact on women as a whole of every decision or action they take in either a personal or political context. So a personal decision that perpetuates a misogynist world view, or supports the patriarchy.

You can't say "well, that's not what I mean by feminism" any more than you can say "Well, that's not what I mean by socialism" or conservatism or any other -ism you care to name.

"Don't label me" often means "I think I'm far too complex and sophisticated to be categorised by your simplistic category".

Labelling of one's self is usually just as subjective as being labelled others.

Nobody can be entirely defined by a few general labels alone, but if labels are numerous and nuanced enough, labelling can be accurate and functional.

Is earwicga a feminist?

And to continue my thought, I think that's why there are so many arguments on here. Because when people suggest that eg there is no problem with rape in the UK, and it's exactly the same as any other crime, I feel so strongly that that is not right, I can't help but "get in a lather". I suppose the reason there are so many rucks is that there are a lot of people who feel very passionately about this stuff. And are very sure that they are right

And of course we get a lot of arseholes who come over just to stir. Which means that people can lose patience, and sometimes be rather less friendly than they might otherwise be.

Thanks LeninGrad, I appreciate the hand, but I really don't want to.
I was part of the 'Women Reclaim The Night' marches on Oxford in the eighties, they were energising and supportive and hopeful. I was with friends who were at various places on their journeys, and we were a very motley crew.
So when I march as an individual, it is a positive and uplifting experience for me, and I don't think it would be the same with a group of strangers, some of whom I would find uncomfortable company.
I'll be there though.

I do think that it is fine if people don't "see" the problems - there is no point in shouting.

So for eg the situation with rape in this country - I see that most women don't bother reporting it as they know there is no point, that if they do report it they are reasonably likely to have their report dismissed by the authorities, that their friends and family and wider society are likely to blame them for what was done to them, and that it is very unlikely to get to court. I read the threads on here with women talking about their experiences and how they were treated etc and it's something I get angry and upset about, I want to do something about it, and to talk about it, and help women who are suffering. This is a gendered issue - and as such my concern for it ties in with being a feminists. I am a feminist, I care about rape and that men who want to rape someone or sexually assault them can basically get away with it in the UK, no problem.

I care about other crimes as well, and think they are terrible, but other crimes aren't treated in the same way by society.

That is how I feel. Others do not feel the same way, and do not see things in the same way. It is just another crime, nothing to get in a lather about. That is fine too, although I would disagree with that POV on factual and emotional grounds. But please don't dismiss my concerns, as so often happens on threads on here.

Or perhaps there's a similar destination in mind for a large number of us, but we are taking different paths to get there.
And some see the destination as base camp, but others need to get there first before thinking about where next?

Or should only an elite team who have all their badges be allowed to call themselves feminist in public, and the rest of us can just think it?
Yes. I will be going on the Million Women Rise march. No, I will not be with a group.