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Original poster

The Lies of Pornography

34 replies

NotAnApple · 22/12/2010 11:48

Taken from Toxic Porn, Toxic Sex: A Real Look at Pornography by Gene McConnell

I thought the summary of The Lies of Porn was interesting. I feel really uncomfortable with porn but often find I can't find the words to fully express why. This has helped.

The article does say at the that the way throughporn addiction is to find God which for me, was a bit of a let down after finding the rest of the booklet so interesting but still, it's got value I think.

I just thought I'd share. I really like the Feminism/Women's Rights topic but often don't feel knowledgeable enough to post.

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PricklyBall · 09/11/2017 08:09

ZOMBIE ALERT
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PricklyBall · 09/11/2017 08:08

Hmm, first time poster bumps 7 year old thread on pornography. And miraculously, his position is that it's all fine and dandy. Yeah, right. Never seen that happen on here before.

MNHQ - please can you have another think about a policy of locking threads 6 months after the last post?

BingoFlamingo · 09/11/2017 07:47

I disagree with lies #1 and #4.

Cutting off the face happens much more to male porn stars than the females. The man is just there for the penis, really. Seeing the facial expressions of pretend enjoyment is normal for the female actors, but not that common for the male actors where you usually just see his penis and torso. I believe men are actually more objectified than women in porn in this context.

Secondly, you'll find a much wider range of body shapes and looks in porn movies than you do in Hollywood movies and in TV sex scenes.

julianm2016 · 09/11/2017 00:08

It is a complete pack of lies, at least, 99.99% of it. The original post is quite right. Because there is no genuine emotion. If that part of erotica floats your boat, as it does for me, the fact there is practically nothing around of the sort is depressing.

I find it quite scary, to tell the truth, and am the first to confess a liking for what I regard as the truly erotic.

Some people, like Erika Lust, whose TEDx lecture is fascinating, witty and to the point, are now attempting to rebirth the truly erotic, as opposed to the banal, dimensionless, mechanical (in ways impractical, but designed for filming) drivel which dominates the genre.

Her material, is, by the way, often created for women, and properly so, rather than crass lesbian scenarios manufactured for men who simply don't like to see other men during the effction of relief.

As a male, in general circulation among others, I would, though, make the observation that many of us have an alarmingly low threshold of credibility, when it comes to the titillating, we are, I fear, often almost unbelievably disappointing in this respect.

ISNT · 23/12/2010 11:45

It is a bit of an eye waterer opener when you think of the converse - most men would blanche, understandably, about having pubic hair ripped out of their nether regions. Why should women have to do it if they don't want to? (From a feminists perspective why should they have to do it at all!) If my DH said he found it really sexy to stamp on my foot I wouldn't say "go on then lover"... Confused

Original poster
NotAnApple · 23/12/2010 11:42

Oh blimey, sack, back & crack is perfect! The awful regrowth and ingrowing hairs need to be somewhere irritating like that.

I'm actually quite tempted to suggest it myself now...

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ISNT · 23/12/2010 11:00

No don't do it if you think there is any possibility he will agree.

I think that suggesting "sack back and crack" plus legs should be enough to make him go this colour Envy

It's a big ask isn't it. Waxing really hurts. Why does he want you to do something that a. you really don't want to do and b. really hurts? Shaving doesn't hurt but then he'll end up with stubble rash sooner or later... equally unsexy...

Original poster
NotAnApple · 23/12/2010 10:55

Gosh my last post was full of typos sorry! Posting from my phone whilst trying to entertain DD. Preview, preview!

Oh yes, I see! Ha! I might suggest I'll do it if he'll wax his legs. That's probably a better trade. His football team would love that!

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ISNT · 23/12/2010 10:51

I think the wax was the main point Grin

The books sound a like a good way forward if he is open to discussing. It sounds like he knows deep down that it's pretty unpleasant and given some good arguments might pack it in entirely.

Original poster
NotAnApple · 23/12/2010 10:26

Yea, that's a good idea. I don't think I can watch it again, I found it really unpleasant. I think the books are a good idea though, he is quite open to discussing it. He has also said that since having dd he finds porn less appealing since dd was born. He says these are someones daughters and that's off-putting.

Easier to watch when they don't seem like real-person I suppose.

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dittany · 23/12/2010 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
NotAnApple · 23/12/2010 09:52

He would do it ISNT! Although not with wax. He hasn't mentioned it for a while, it doesn't come up often but it does come up. I'd just quite like for him to get it.

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ISNT · 23/12/2010 09:34

Why not tell him that you prefer men who are hairless and that when men have no pubes it makes the penis look larger....Then give him some hot wax strips.

Note... only do this if you are certain he won't do it!

If he knows you are not at all open to the idea he should STFU about it IMO.

Original poster
NotAnApple · 23/12/2010 09:17

Sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like a big deal. It's usually comments about my, erm, pubic hair maintenance (or lack of) that grate. He'd prefer me to lose it all whereas to me having no pubic hair is something you see on women in porn and pre/pubescent children. I have no desire to look like either. He disagrees and says he just like it so I see that as him being influenced by porn.

That's probably as bad as it gets really, sorry if it sounded dramatic. I am very sensitive to anything porn related. I strongly dislike it.

He says he'll not watch porn if it makes me uncomfortable but I would prefer him to not watch it because he understands why it's wrong rather than just for me.

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AliceWorld · 22/12/2010 22:20

It feels like there's something missing in those lies to me, but I can't place my finger on what. It feels like it's skimming the surface and not getting something far more important. I'm tired so maybe my brain isn't working. Maybe it's because it's from a religious source there is something missing from a feminist perspective. I dunno. Is it trivialising what porn is an ignoring that it is violent? blah blah blah

(NotAnApple - don't be afraid to post here. You can post inarticulate crap like I just have Grin Imo if people are wanting to learn about and discuss feminism, from an even vaguely feminist perspective it all goes just fine Grin)

My ex used to be into porn. He was an arse. If it's a problem, you don't have to accept it. He told me you did have to accept it/all men use porn/everything goes blue and drops off if they can't use it. It's not true.

ISNT · 22/12/2010 20:37

The problem with the religious crossover thing is that when people/feminists get het up about representations of women and girls in the media, they just get accused of being prudish/puritanical etc. Which of course is entirely not the point when it's feminists talking.

Look at the new govt and how they have decided to run another study into sexualisation of children - the last one by a psychologist was very good from what I gather - but this new one will be run by a Christian organisation which means that a whole load of people won't even listen to the arguments - the mary whitehouse effect IYSWIM.

Thanks for the OP as well very interesting.

I hope your DHs porniness spill-over into your real lives isn't causing you any grief. I don't really like to ask though, just you mentioned it in a negative way.

Original poster
NotAnApple · 22/12/2010 14:08

TondelayoSchwarzkopf you're right, I wonder if it generates much interest in their cause? I have a dislike for porn, DH knows it, occassionally it's an issue but I couldn't see me turning to God for help.

Then again, I suppose it's a bit like those people who stand in town telling everyone that Jesus will forgive them if they turn to him. I don't know how many people actually take them up on their offer either but it doesn't stop them.

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Original poster
NotAnApple · 22/12/2010 14:04

rewriting this sentence:

I can't say from my case study of one, that DH is particularly insensitive but I do think that him using porn does spill over into our relationship occassionally.

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Original poster
NotAnApple · 22/12/2010 14:03

I haven't actually even seen much porn. I did watch something with DH a few years ago out of curiosity. I know this might sound very niaive but I was struck by the lack of plot, they just got down to it, that was pretty much the entire film.

There was no pretence that they liked each other it was just sex. So from that point of view, I found it very boring.

However, watching the actual sex just made me really uncomfortable. It was all about what positions and angles she could be moved into for him. Other than her very fake groans of pleasure (which were obviously more about letting the viewerhow great the man was/how much she enjoyed really rough sex rather than her actual enjoyment). She grimaced all the way through. She tried to make it look like a smile but it never reached her eyes. I swear it was just pain.

I hated it. Now, I am no porn expert so perhaps what I saw was just the harsher, less caring end of the porn spectrum but I imagine not. What it makes me wonder is what men think when they watch it? DH honestly thought she looked like she was having a good time when it was very clear to me she wasn't. I wonder if this insenstivity to her experience translates in real life to an inability to not caring about a partners experience of sex.

I can't say from my case study of one, that DH is particularly insensitive but porn but I do think that him use porn does spill over into our relationship occassionally.

Hmmm...just thinking "out loud" really but reading this booklet has convinced me to have the porn conversation with DH again.

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TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 22/12/2010 14:00

This guy is not interested in pornography. He's using an anti-porn stance to sell Christianity.

He starts with a statement saying sex should be within marriage. What a feminist.

If you want to find attitudes about women being treated as animals, less than human and property, I would flick through a Bible.

Original poster
NotAnApple · 22/12/2010 13:49

well winged SantasSakura! That is my usual approach to life so I might give it a try.

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SantasSackura · 22/12/2010 13:48

Yes, if women are less than human, well less human than men, at least, then any old atrocity can justifiably be commited against them.. which would explain a lot

SantasSackura · 22/12/2010 13:46

NotanApple, I've got no clue what I'm talking about most of the time on here; I just wing it

msrisotto · 22/12/2010 13:40

It's a bit rich for christians/any religious groups to be suddenly all feminist on the wider culture - it starts at home people!

msrisotto · 22/12/2010 13:27

Thanks for posting this. It is interesting as well because didn't the Nazis refer to Jews as rats and other animals to dehumanise them thus making it easier to justify killing them? It's an interesting comparison.