AIBU to be mildy annoyed at all the christmas cards addressed to Mr and Mrs DHName?

It pisses me off. No problem if it's just someone who's ignorant, imo. They mean well, even if they're perhaps not too bright/savvy!

But I do find it annoying that we've had several to Mr and Mrs HisName from people who know perfectly well I use my own name - my parents included. My mum wrote in the card 'I hope this is an appropriate form of address!' when she knows it is not.

She rang me later to say she knows I don't use DH's name but 'he might be offended if I didn't'.

Eh? Why would he care? And why is him caring more important than using my right name?

It is especially stupid and crap because Mrs. Hisname is linguistically incorrect as well.

I was quite hurt actually, feel free to tell me I'm a fool.

One of DH aunties always writes on the envelope DHfirstname DHsurname, none of the rest of us are mentioned on the envelope at all (we have been married 13 years now), to be honest she's like this all the time, her card goes in the bin.

I think I'm going to start writing on her envelope auntiefirstname auntiesurname and not mentioning her husband, she how she feels about it, she's a very rude lady though.

It annoys me too. I have addressed all my cards to either Mr X and Mrs Y Smith, or Mr X Smith and Miss Y Jones, as appropriate.

i aim to please!

yabu.
it is not really that much of a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You are getting good wishes at christmas yet you grumble about the wording on an envelope. Jeeez.

You got married, people put his surname on the card. Get over it.

LisasCat - one of my friends used to get cards from her MIL before she and her DP married which said 'Dear Sonsname and (DIL's name) - her name was always in brackets :o

Once they married, she was promoted out of the brackets.

I have adamantly NOT changed my name, but I have to admit getting cards to Mr & Mrs DHname doesn't really bother me. Here it is fairly easily balanced out by the ones to Mr & Mrs Myname which is quite nice. DH is happy to answer to Mr Bramshott even though it's not his name !

I think since it's friends who know of your conscious decision not to take your DH's name, then YANBU to be a bit peed off about it.

Hell, I still get peed off when friends and family can't spell my bloody first name correctly!

And I don't really like it when we get cards addressed to Mr & Mrs (his initial) married surname. That actually annoys me quite a lot. Which is probably a bit U.

BrandyButterPie - YANBU but please forgive some of us who have only just realised.

I have always sent out cards to Mr and Mrs DH Surname (assuming they have same surname - wouldn't ignore someone who hadn't changed their name), because that's how I was taught what to do. I have only just realised this week when I recieved a card to 'Mr DHinital and Mrs meinitial Prinnie' that I realised how wierd the old system is!

I will NOT be doing this again!

Yes, I was responding to Giftwrapped!

I totally agree with the OP.

DP and I aren't married, a fact that has hardly gone unnoticed in his family who were all utterly mortified when I got knocked up the first time, and we weren't even living together then.

Now we've almost conformed - living together, expecting DC2 (planned!) - and his family all seem much happier with the situation and have stopped asking about marriage. They finally realised that we just can't be arsed, and figure that having 2 children together is a far greater commitment than signing a piece of paper and paying 20 grand for a party that everyone else will enjoy more than us.

So I was slightly taken aback to receive a card from his GM addressed to

I HATE the mrs DH name DH surname - I am not some extension of him!

I am now a Dr. and believe me that really confuses people!

Since me and DH got married (and I do have "his" surname) we have had loads of Mr and Mrs DHfirstname Surname. REALLY annoying and, frankly, bizarre.

It isn't militant to point out that I'm not called Nicholas, is it? i have even had things addressed to just me as "Mrs DHentirename" - how is this even seen as not completely mental?

I've got used to people ignoring that I use Ms, I've got used to people assuming that DH is the person to speak to about bills etc, and I the children, but this is a step too far!

Sometimes I don't know whether a married woman has changed her surname. Or whether a married man has. Generally just put first names on a card then.

notjustapot Isn't it impolite to keep on calling someone a different name to the one they've asked to be addressed by?

I get this too and yes it does annoy me. We have been married for well over 10 years and I have never, ever used my husband's name.
I forgive my parents' generation as it seems they are incapable of getting their heads around it, even when we add stickers with both our names and our address to our Christmas cards.
When my friends and close family do it it does upset me though. They know the situation and either disregard my feelings or think it is hilarious. I know it is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but as far as I am concerned that person does not exist or is my dh mother!
If they are sending the card with good intentions, and know the score, why can't they address it to me?

Ah ok ... I've wandered into this thread half asleep. You're talking about people who have a different name to their husband. Well obviously I'd use their proper name . Just feel free to ignore me.

I address my cards to 'The Surname/Surname family'.

My mother got into huge trouble in the early 70s for insisting that her recipes in a PTA cookbook were under the name of 'Mrs Mum Biscuit' rather than 'Mrs Dad Biscuit'. She was told she was showing her husband disrespect

I still get really annoyed by being asked 'is that Miss or Mrs?' Why don't they just ditch that and use Ms for everyone

No, it's not that. It's never occurred to me until now that anyone I'm sending to might be offended. In fact, knowing my friends I doubt very much if they care how I address them on an envelope.

Pedantry is so much more important than politeness, of course.