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Original poster

Social Services punish mothers for DV

340 replies

SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:18

Why do they do this?
Why is it that no-one is under any obligation to keep the abuser away from the mother, and yet the mother has a responsibility to keep her children away from the abuser?
The very fact that the authorities need the mother to "prove" she is taking steps to keep the children save show that they believe the husband is abusive/violent. ANd yet it's not him who is hounded or punished.
I'm so Angry at hearing women whose partners are given bail after committing some atrocity against their wife or children, only to do it again as soon as they get back home, and for the mother to be told she is endangering her children.
The law is so backward Sad
Surely if the man is known to be abusive, you take steps to remove him from the home????

OP posts:
tethersjinglebellend · 21/12/2010 00:44

But the title of your OP is "Social Services punish mothers for DV" Confused

WhyHavePets · 21/12/2010 00:42

Sorry? You can bitter laugh all you like. I did not say that DV is not a feminist issue (although that is a matter of opinion as DV is not solely against women). Also I most certainly did not say you should not post here.

Like it or not returning dc to a violent surrounding is not a feminist issue it is a child protection issue. Luckily SS and other agancies can see that and focus on protecting children.

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:41

tethers, I don't think they're being removed in order to punish the mother
I think that the judicial system, and the way it has been set up, is so shite, so patriarchal, that it is possible for a mother to be held responsible for her spouse's DV and for him not to be held responsible for it!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:39

I will post my threads wherever I like, thank you

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tethersjinglebellend · 21/12/2010 00:39

I think you are wrong to think that children are removed in order to punish the mother. They are removed to keep them safe.

Not saying there is not an issue here, but the welfare of the children is the driving force, not punishing the mother.

WhyHavePets · 21/12/2010 00:36

Sorry, re-write "Yes, if a partner is violent then the non-violent one who chooses to return to the relationship is expected to safegaurd the dc. How on earth is that wrong?

WhyHavePets · 21/12/2010 00:35

WTF? This is not a feminist issue! If a person decides to stay with a violent partner they are endangering their children. Gender is not important.

The fact is that usually it is women choosing to return to violent men.

Yes, if a partner is violent then the non-violent one is expected to safegaurd the dc. How on earth is that wrong? Confused

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:32

yes, I see that SS need to use tough love sometimes-- in order to get a woman to see
But it seems to me that this has become a loophole to beat women with

OP posts:
winnybella · 21/12/2010 00:31

Right. I guess in some situations it's when the woman is not reporting the abuse- ie she might talk about it to ss but not call the police when the abuse is happening...don't know how much can ss do if she refuses to report it. Hmmm. Don't know.

StuffingGoldBrass · 21/12/2010 00:29

Well there are cases when a woman is choosing to prioritize her abusive partner over her children's wellbeing for a variety of reasons. There have been some worrying threads on here, both from women who are in denial about the extent of the abuse their partners are inflicting on the family, and also from posters whose mothers prioritized keeping the couple-relationship with an abusive man over the children's distress.
Of course, there are also cases of dangerous men being allowed access to their children or the family home with tragic results, but on the whole women who have decided to get rid of an abuser are able to get help and support in doing so from WA, SS, the police and the courts.

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:27

not sure, I have just read a thread where a woman suffering from DV has been advised that SS will want to see that she is taking steps to remove her children from the situation, otherwise she will be in trouble

OP posts:
winnybella · 21/12/2010 00:23

Can the woman apply for restraining order or do the judges order that the man doesn't go back to his home while on bail? How does the law work in these situations?

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:20

Oh, and what annoys me about it is the Fathers4Justice brigade who act as though fathers need to be treated equally by law.
When it suits them, fathers want to be treated equally; otherwise they're allowed to get away with things that no mother would ever get away with

OP posts:
dittany · 21/12/2010 00:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
SantasSackura · 21/12/2010 00:19

children safe

OP posts: