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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

So if all potential rapists just need the provocation of a woman....

83 replies

TruthSweet · 07/12/2010 16:21

to be drunk/skimpily dressed/dancing suggestively to be able to rape them then why aren't strip clubs scenes of mass rape every time the women start dancing? How can potential rapists watch a woman gyrate naked a few inches in front of them and not rape them yet a young woman tipsily making her way home from the pub is a direct call to be raped?

Not that I believe that, of course, but some people seem to (following on from the drunk=rape in waiting) so why don't women in strip clubs, night clubs, etc get raped then and there on the dance floor/stage, why are they taken outside (ex. taken from the drunk thread) or attacked on the way home or in the toilets.

If the provocation is soooo great then surely the potential rapist can't wait and is over taken by lust (as ifHmm) and has to rape right then rather than waiting until a time/place where he is likely to be undisturbed?

Does that make any sense to anyone? It did last night during a feed but who knows what kind of crap trundles through my head at silly o'clockGrin.

  • I'm using potential rapist rather than man just in case there is any cries of what about the legions of female rapists/not all men are rapists you know/etc/etc
OP posts:
SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 21:25

You need someone with experience in this area who will simply let you talk.

Maybe rape crisis or someone like that could recommend some people locally?

I would offer to listen but I'm not up to it, I'm so sorry.

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 21:06

That's how i feel about telling DH sardine. Plus i find it hard to talk about without having full on flashback type freak outs which would scare him. I can't put those images in his mind it's not fair.

The counsellor i talked to about it said i was too trusting. So it was my fault then.

The rape as an adult wasn't so bad.

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 20:59

I had counselling once and it was shit.

I find that others give it the thumbs up though.

I think it very much depends on who you get, whether you have a rapport with them.

It may be something to explore. You don't have to commit. I understand it must be terribly hard though.

I have never told DH much about stuff with me (although it's nowhere near as bad, at all). I think it would upset him too much and more to the point he wouldn't know what to say/do and that would be hard for him.

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 20:46

My DH knows i was abused as a child but not the extent of it. I can't say it to him. It's too much.

I have had counselling but it didn't go well. I would like to have more but i'm afraid.

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 20:38

Jesus christ cailin.

Just, fucking hell.

I am so glad that you have a great DH and a good life. There are so many decent men out there just these FUCKERS seem to manage to impinge on most females lives to a greater or lesser extent.

Have you had any counselling or anything? Do you feel you need to "do" anything or are you OK (as OK as you can be).

Dworkin · 17/03/2012 20:37

I know someone who had the same experience. I believe that rape and coercive sex is more prevalent than we think. I'm happy for you that you have a supportive partner, but why won't you talk to him about it?

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 20:27

I am very lucky to have a wonderful DH who would never hurt me. My life now is really great.

I have never told my DH the full detail of what happened to me. I can't do that to him it's too horrible.

I did tell one person. He listened and was sympathetic then later he raped me too. Hard to get my head around that one.

Dworkin · 17/03/2012 20:21

Don't ever wear a bikini on the beach because this will lead you to being molested.

CailinDana not all men do this. Though I can understand how you are feeling and give you big internet ((((hugs))).

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 20:12

Fucking fucking hell cailin.

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 20:09

Men :(

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 20:02

Oh cailin.

I am fucking angry with the bastard who did that to you. It was not your fault. The shame and guilt are HIS.

There aren't violent enough swear words for that man.

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 19:53

It's hard to hold on to anger when society seems to want you to feel guilt and shame

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 19:38

Cailin I am so sorry for what was done to you.

Anger is good, I think.

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 19:33

It does me good to read that sardine

SardineQueen · 17/03/2012 19:31

The risk factor for rape is being in the presence of a rapist.

Anything else cited as a risk factor is victim blaming.

allthequeensmen · 17/03/2012 19:17

*provocative

allthequeensmen · 17/03/2012 19:16

Thats exactly the point Agooddad, the OP is mocking men who use the excuse of women being provactive, the OP is essentially asking if thats the case why dont more/ all men rape? The answer is exactly as you describe it, because the vast majority of men are good men with self control.

Thats pretty much one of my reasons for being a feminist, I believe that men are on the whole humane, caring and good, I don't believe in excusing violence and opression against women based on bad science and urban myths. Bad men cannot and should not put their badness down to being just being a man.

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 19:06

Shit sick

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 19:05

Thank you immaculada. I'm feeling quite angry today. The campaign is great but i'm ship sick of everyone telling women not to make themselves a target. As far as i can see just being alive and female made me a target. What am i supposed to do about that?

InmaculadaConcepcion · 17/03/2012 18:57

Cailin Sad

CailinDana · 17/03/2012 18:53

From my personal experience being a child and wearing pajamas while asleep both cause you to be raped zoo i would recommend that no woman ever does those things. Be born an adult and don't ever sleep in the vicinity of a man if you don't want to be raped.

InmaculadaConcepcion · 17/03/2012 18:52

How on earth do all those naturist men manage to contain their urges? Women roaming around starkers right in front of them. Crikey.

blackoutthesun · 17/03/2012 18:44

zombie thread!

agooddad think you need to re-read the op tbh

AGoodDad · 17/03/2012 18:40

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PonceyMcPonce · 07/12/2010 19:27

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