So if all potential rapists just need the provocation of a woman....

I don't take my own advice but would speaking with a professional help ?

Actually, I am toying with that myself

I don't feel a great urgency, but I think (knowing myself well) I will do it fairly soon

I always sort of dismissed the adult rape but it's getting to me lately

there are people well-trained to absorb it, cailin

I often wonder if saying it out loud would make me feel better. I'm not sure i could do it anyway. I don't think i could ever describe what happened when i was a child. I couldn't ask anyone to listen to that.

cailin no wonder you find it difficult to talk about

because when you did, your chosen confidante took advantage of your vulnerabilty

that has to be the ultimate betrayal

I have heard of this before, albeit in the same occurence

a double rape, woman is traumatised gets picked up by another abuser, supposedly offering succour

oh, I feel awful for you, cailin

I have described it on here (thank you dittany)

I can do that, with little problem now (it took a while)

in RL, no, cailin, I am like you

I'm a strong woman you see, it doesn't happen to women like me

I'm sorry you were raped AF :(
you can tell me about it if you want. I have never said i was raped out loud. I feel like i would crumble to dust if i did. Typing it is easier.

cailin your DH has a normal wife

I haven't told my DH about my date rape before I married him

I don't know why

he would totally get it, so why ?

he doesn't ascribe to rape myths

he even knew the bloke (we were in the same friendship circle back then) but not still in contact

he thinks of him still as an ok guy

everybody does (as far as I know)

why can't I tell him (rhetorical question)

I get what you mean sardine totally.

I had buried the later rape until threads here brought it back. I mentioned it on a thread but I've never told anyone.

Thank you for your kind words Shirley.

I am hugely fortunate (and that's how I feel right now, after a week of reading thread after thread, with response after response of brave women telling their stories of rape and sexual assault) that I am not a rape survivor.

I am in awe of you CD and SQ, and of everyone sharing here on MN despite the idiots.

You are all changing the way people see things, you are changing perceptions...this is a great thing indeed.

A poor parallel.

I have been troubled with anxiety and depression since my pregnancy with my first child. Apparently the pregnancy hormones probably brought it on.

Anyway. My DH supports me, and has supported me through it, and I am now getting better, am on ADs, have good days and bad days etc. But I have never told him the really bad thoughts that I have had, all the time. I couldn't do that, it would hurt him, he would want to help, there's nothing he can do, it's sort of mine. But I can let him hold my hand while I try to deal with it.

Maybe?

You don't need to tell your DH anything more than he already knows but he could still help you find a counsellor, if you wanted.

You had your trust broken and violated

And then it happened again

I don't blame you for feeling how you do. I think that is a very normal response to what has happened.

Thank you for the hug sardine, right back at you :)

I suppose part of what's holding me back is the fact that the last guy i opened up to raped me. I think maybe hearing those things makes me seem less of a person. I don't want my DH to see me like that

You do as you see fit. Whatever you decide is by definition the right thing.

Don't be afraid to talk to DH though, he obviously loves you and would want to help I'm sure. Maybe one day in the future.

(((((hug)))) from me too

Thank you fruitdrop i appreciate it. I do find it hard to hear others' stories but only because i dread them ever feeling the way i have. It helps me a little to think i'm helping others.

:( Cailin. And a (((((((hug))))))) from me too. And thanks for your input yesterday, it must have been hard to even click on my thread, let alone try to help.

DH was hugely supportive when i talked about it before. I suppose i want to protect him from having to deal with it. Plus i want him to feel he has a normal wife.

The We believe you campaign is for you. We believe you, and it wasn't your fault.

I feel terribly sad. And angry.

If you were going to go for counselling DH would need to know, wouldn't he. I don't know, i feel with my DH, that's something he would be good with, but I wouldn't want to talk to him about actual stuff. Mind you, we are not married to the same man! (I hope!!!)

I don't really want to get DH involved in this again.

The threads on relationships have made me want to talk about it but it's daunting.

Your anger isn't wasted. Knowing others feel angry on my behalf is ...bolstering i suppose the word is.

I'm not quite at the anger stage yet. I just feel sad when i hear others' stories. I hope just listening helps.

I'm sad for anything you've had to go through.

Maybe your DH could support you in thinking about looking into some counselling? If you talk to him and have support with that would take the pressure off you and would be the sort of thing he could "do something" ie help you and talk to you about it and how was the session and are you sure you like the person do you want to carry on etc iYSWIM

A bit presumptious on my part that you would even want to!

It's just this feeling that we all have of all this hurt and harm and damage and wanting to help but just not knowing how, and wanting people to stop hurting.

I used to be angry on my behalf but now I am angry on the behalf of others and dreading the day I have to be angry for one of my DDs (assuming they tell me the day they get flashed when they are 13 or whatever it might be, praying that it is nothing too too bad, but knowing it will be something).

I understand sardine.