Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Just want to tell someone.

29 replies

tippytap · 24/11/2010 21:31

I'm not sure how this will turn out. I'm sorry, I know that this will seem silly to a lot of people. Please bear with me as I've not told anyone about this. I've even gone years without thinking about it. Lately, though I can't seem to get this out of my head.

I split up with my XP about 4 years ago. We were together 6 years. The best thing that I can say about him was that he was a bully - and I know how pathetic that sounds.

I'm posting this in the Feminism section because I've seen threads on other sections get nasty and I don't want that to happen to me.

I remember what happened quite vividly. I was woken up on two occasions by my XP having sex with me. What woke me up was the pain of him entering me.

He was on top and a lot bigger than me. I didn't know what to do and just lay there while it happened. He finished and went back to sleep.

The two occasions that it happened were within days/weeks of each other.

After the second occasion I tried to talk to him about it the next morning. He said that he "must've" been asleep. I told him that he'd seemed awake to me. He told me that he'd woken up "halfway through" and just carried on. I said it had to stop and it never happened again.

I don't really expect anything from this. I just needed to tell someone about it. I can't tell anyone in real life about this.

OP posts:
me2oo · 24/11/2010 21:57

Tippytap - so sorry to hear this and it is totally not silly. I too am coming to terms with an abusive ex partner, and have all sorts come to me I have forgotten for years. I've name changed for this. Thanks for sharing - it helps me to know I'm not alone and hope it helps you too.

scurryfunge · 24/11/2010 21:51

tippytap, it is not too late to report this. He has raped you and as anastaisia has said, he stopped doing it when you told him to stop.

Speak to Rape crisis who can offer good advice.

here.

anastaisia · 24/11/2010 21:45

Chaya, It doesn't sound like the same thing as when she told him it was unacceptable it never happened again - which implies that it was in his control to prevent it and therefore not due to a sleep disorder.

Tippytap; I'm sorry you had to go through both the bad relationship and these experiences. I hope that 'talking' here about it helps you and you get the support you need.

chaya5738 · 24/11/2010 21:37

This is awful. I can see how scary this must have been for you.

I don't want to defend rape by any stretch BUT my DH went through a phase of trying to have sex with me in my sleep. And I have spoken to friends who have had the same thing. It is a disorder:

www.healthcentral.com/sleep-disorders/c/5954/10118/sex

That is no excuse for him just to keep going though once he wakes up. That is rape.

How are you? Has it affected your later relationships?