STBW thanks people here

Aw, I go away for a nap and everyone's all holding hands and sharing cake! That's so completely the right response for us all.

Dittany, you more than help, and in no small way. It's not just me I can start to stick up for now, but all the women I meet and all the women I will never meet. Like millions of women, I internalised a lot of the lies that are told about us - as well as the lies that are told about people of different (and our own) classes, colours, bodies... And instead of feeling angry about that, I felt guilty, like I was letting the side down - I blamed myself instead of the patterns of thought and talk and treatment that we've all been subject to and the particular versions of them that I've encountered. This board, and your stubborn tunnel vision is helping me see a more accurate version of the world. Not just about sexual assaults, but social ones.

wukter, thank you so much for your words before I went to my session. I've only been able to take them in this morning - my eyes kind of bounced off them the first time I saw them, I guess I had some wariness about being kind to me. This morning they made me weep with smiling, though.

I think she was good.

She put an enormous emphasis on making everything safe for me. I found it a bit tedious and unnecessary, but I suspect that's because I've got too used to the idea that considerations about my wellbeing can't ever be paramount.

I told her that I've had therapy before and was always wanting the therapist to confirm for me, 'Yes, that was rape', 'Yes, you were abused'. I only ever got that infuriating therapist's response of 'It doesn't matter what I think', or 'Do you think you were raped?'

When I said that, she went like this: and said, 'Well, I won't be doing any of that.'

And she knew MN. She knows about rape myths, she knows about misogyny. And (deep breath)... she said I can recover. Like, that it's possible. And doesn't mean pretending everything's ok now when it isn't. I don't get what it does mean, but I'm keen on finding out.

I'll probably go back. Thank you all for coming with me (I took you in my pocket, in case she wasn't as supportive as you are ).

I could sleep for a week.

Now I'm in happy tears!

A broken leg is exactly how I described it to someone in RL yesterday, Dittany. I said that some people seem to think it's like having a cold, and that you feel lousy for a while but it goes away and you go back to normal. But it isn't, and it can get worse over time, not better. By now, it hurts so much and it disables me so often and so severely that I can't go on pretending it's fine. I want crutches for a while, while concerned people attend to my healing (perfect word, you're right) and also make allowances like we do for anyone who's injured. And I'd like people to draw smiley faces on my plaster cast. Like this:

Dittany, you've been a solid support for months, to way more people than just me. Your support for women who have been harmed is constant and persistent. You've been hurt yourself, and yet you are a champion for all of us too: I send you my love and I stand by your side.

AF I'm happy to see you here! I've been practicing sounding a bit more like you, out loud

chocolatestar, you are also really brave and you also deserve healing. My appointment is late morning, and it might come to nothing. But even if it does, I hereby award myself several billion gold stars for everything I have and haven't done over the past couple of weeks 25 years - so I've got plenty to dish out to all the rest of us.

Night night all. Thank you for your comfort.

Can I just clarify, it's not because I'm going to RTN that I made an appointment to see a therapist

So I've bought my train ticket for the Reclaim the Night march, and I've been talking to all sorts of people in RL about rape and assault (nationally and my own), and tomorrow I have an appointment with a therapist. She's shown quite some sense and awareness by email, I hope she feels safe to me in person too.

I know this topic isn't the usual place for an individual support thread, but if anyone has any supportive words for me I wouldn't half appreciate them. I've been a bit wobbly since I've really stopped hiding from it quite so much. Nothing major is going to get said tomorrow but I'm shaking with fear/fury and feeling not very sure of myself. I'm scared of being told yet again that I don't qualify for sympathy.

Thank you all for the love you've sent so far, and for speaking out on threads and in the world. I'm off out for the evening now, but will be able to check thread before my appointment.

Can we also have one that says 'We believe you'?

wukter, people for whom it isn't quite safe to connect are still in my 'us'. There's a political 'us', and I have completely no idea actually which real people I'm allying myself with , and there's the 'us' in my heart. I've got room for everyone there.

BOF, you were the first person on MN who responded to me about rape. Without the encouragement that I got from that, I wouldn't have got brave enough to check whether anyone else would take as kind a line as you did. (All you said was that it must have been hard to post and that you felt for me. That was a big kindness compared to what I expected. And you made me a sad face, and to me that was like being held at last by someone who cared.)

You know something else I love about this part of MN? That even when I can't say things too coherently, the sheer numbers mean that someone is likely to get what I mean.

thecatspjs: [heart] back to you.