If you were raped would you report it?

sarah. thinking of you .so very brave well done.

Whoknows I think the media party line is that "look at this terrible woman accusing an innocent man of such an horrific crime" sells far more papers, however wrong that is.

Yes without a moments hesitation.

Sethstarkadder thank you SO much for your pm. It has helped, a lot xxx

Northernlurker, from my experience I can tell you that it doesn't go away. Constantly small things remind you - going past a house or a place that looks similar. Having to travel to that area. Seeing someone who looks like him. Your DD reaching the same age - that for me was a massive one. Opening the newspaper and seeing an article about the subject.

It never goes away, no matter how how hard you try to bury it. For me, one of the worst times was after I had given birth to DD2. My XH had forced me. It was the one time he did so and that time resulted in DD2. I love her so much but when she was born it trigger massive PND and I tried to kill myself. Looking back now I can see so clearly that the suppressed memories were the trigger for it all.

Up until I posted about it on MaDugger's mystery thread I had only told one person in the whole world, and that was a very, very dear to me friend whom I told 14 years ago. I wish I had taken his advice then and reported it, even then it would have been an historic crime.

I hope the counselling will help me lay this to rest. That and finally doing something about it.

Its quite frightening that women out there feel they wouldnt/havent got the support for a genuine rape case, and therefore wouldnt report it... im quite shocked by that!

Absolutely i would report it (hypothetically but only cos i havent experienced anything like above) but can understand those who dont!

Why would you want them to get away with it? Agree though if the courts fail, balls could easily fall off

I blame the press for totally distorting the publics perception of the numbers of false verses true rape cases.

I don't know the figures but I think they must report every singletime someone is proceuted from making false allegations, yet almost never report an actual rape prosecution.

I was on the Jury for a rape trial a few years ago. The accused had a wife and three small children and the woman he was accused of raping was an escort girl. This girl had no marks on her but it was proven the man was a Judo expert and knew how to hold without leaving marks.

We found the man guilty and I noticed a policeman in the gallery who'd followed the case from the beginning smiling. He followed some of the Jury into the garden afterwards where I was having a fag and told me he was so glad we'd found him guilty - he'd been following the case for years. Because the rapist had been accused of rape five times previously. (The Jury knew nothing about this of course). But the women had either been too traumatised to testify or some other technicality had led to the case being dropped. 'It's one of the easiest crimes to get away with' said the Policeman. I'd been feeling quite pleased that the rapist had been sent down for seven years but that remark depressed the hell out of me.

I suspect there's a good chance I wouldn't report it. I reckon I could deal with a court case and I would want to prevent other women from suffering BUT knowing what had happened to me would so upset my husband, my daughters, my parents and friends. Out of everything I suspect I couldn't take that. Easier to deal with my thing my way - how terrible is that? Because of course if I was beaten unconscious or stabbed I would report it without a second thought. It's terrible that rape is different but I think it is.

It really worries me that women out there feel so let down by the system that the vast majority would not report such an horrific offence.

I must say some of the comments made on here aren't entirely accurate - if a jury find a defendant not guilty then that does not mean the woman will be accused/go to prison for making a false allegation of rape, nor will she be charged with wasting police time. However, nothing is really promoted to confirm this information as inaccurate so I am not surprised that people still think like this.

I find it totally disgraceful that women are still talking about "awful treatment" by police (disgraceful that they have been made to feel like this, not disgraceful that they are saying it btw). For me this is where everything begins. I think it all depends on how you are treated the minute you walk through the police station door as to how confident you will feel about your complaint being taken seriously. I know a lot of forces are pushing for/already have specialist depts where the focus is on the investigation of these types of offences. The officers in there WANT to work in there, they haven't just been "shoved" in there. I truly believe that if a woman who is a victim of rape is treated appropriately from the off then the more positive she will feel throughout the whole process. Whilst the police can't be held responsible for the outcome of a jury's decision, I feel they should be held accountable for the actions carried out and the way an investigation is approaced in the build up to presenting the case to CPS and subsequently a court.

thought I definitely would before reading this thread but now I'm not so sure after hearing what everyone else has to say. like thisis yesterday says I'm shocked I wasn't aware of things like this. feel sad that this is the state of the world I've brought DD into :(

Sarah I think you are incredibly brave and I too hope you now get some closure.

God this thread is gut wrenching - these men KNOW they will almost certainly get away with it which is truly horrific and so incredibly sad. I wish there were something we could do - the thought of my mum, sister, friends, or indeed myself going through this and then being accused of all sorts, humiliated, victimised further for nothing makes my blood boil. The system needs improving desperately.

Sarah, I don't know your story but you have been very brave and i hope it helps you to feel better about what happened

FWIW, the responsibility to not attack again lies with the perpetrator and not the victim

Sarah, have PM'd you.

well done Sarah. I think you have been incredibly brave.
And you must absolutely not feel guilty; firstly, the guilt simply doesn't lie with you, it lies with the perpetrator; secondly, sadly, given the way conviction rates are, it is unlikely you reporting it then would have stopped what happened.
I hope the counselling is good, & I hope somewhere in this whole process there will be some kind of closure.
Good luck xxx

I have always assumed "of course I would", but the sheer number of ladies who have been there and chosen not to make me feel hopelessly naive. I still hope that I would, but there is a degree of certainty missing now.

I did today.

Those of you who were with me on MaDugger's mystery thread will know what I'm talking about and why I have reported it after all this time.

Reliving it this afternoon when they took the initial statement was traumatic, but I have been offered counselling and am going to look at it as part of the healing process. I have been told that I will have to give another, video, statement at a larger Police Station and I am not looking forward to it at all.

But having bottled this up for a very long time I now have a huge amount of guilt to deal with as I feel if I had reported it I could have stopped something far far worse happening.

I wish I had done it when it happened.

I had an incident about 8 years ago where I went for a drink with someone I vaguely knew and another friend of mine. I had about two glasses of wine but found myself so drunk I could barely walk. I didn't want anything to do with this bloke in that way and made sure he knew it. As we were leaving the bar we'd been in my friend went home and I said I was going home too. This man said I was going back with him and as I could hardly stand up I guess I did.

I became conscious a bit later and found he was having sex with me.

I felt like shit about it and never reported it as I thought I had no proof, I didn't really know what had happened myself, it almost didn't occur to me until afterwards that it might have been rape. I just thought I'd been a bit of a nob and put myself in a stupid situation.

I still wonder sometimes if it's too late to report it but I can't really see it would get me anywhere now.

Yes..I would

how soul-destroying LeQ to have to work in an area that you have so little faith in

did she try to improve the lot of rape complainants in any way ?

or is the institutional sexism, hatred of women and casual dismissal of the effects of rape inherent even in female police officers ?

I was raped by my XH. I didn't report it because I knew I would be told that it was his right as my husband to do what he wanted. That and the fact everyone is convinced the sun shines out his arse.

The way the authorities bend over backward to pander to him and the way he is trying to have my daughter taken away from me as punishment for no longer doing as I am told shows I was right not to. I dread to think what they would have done to me had I reported him.