If you were raped would you report it?

I've already posted this (see below) in this forum

'My student DD2 was accosted and anally raped by a stranger while walking home one night. She was too petrified to struggle so no external injuries. THe CPS prosecuted but in court he said that she approached him asking him for sex and he had reluctantly agreed. He was acquitted. She won't go out at night now.'

I'm very angry that rape victims get no help at all in what to say in court. In law they are regarded as just another witness. In the past I would have said that we have a duty to report these monsters and take them to trial but not anymore. A rape AND a beating may have a better chance of a conviction but I wouldn't bet on it.

This reminds me of terrible case in Irl where family, friends of a convicted rapist lined up to 'sympathise'/shake his hand in courtroom in front of victim.
Awful outcry after.

This thread is scary
How dare a man/woman do something like this and get away with it.
I don't exactly know what rate of conviction is in Ireland (where I'm from) but there have been high profile cases where there has been a conviction. Files are sent to DPP (Director of Public prosecutions) and reviewed first.
I think I would report it if it happened to me.

so many terribly sad stories.

My grandmother was raped and killed leaving two young children behind, the repercussions of this still hold today 50 years later. He had raped many times before. He was found and hung (this was the 40s).

I think I would report it, just in case the next person didnt live.

I think. I don't know. This thread has deeply disturbed me. How fucked up is judicial system/ How terribly fucked up.

I did after being assulted and escaped attempted rape in Paris (it was the waiter serving myself and a friend - he broke in to my toilet cubicle when visiting the lavatories at the end of our meal)...

The British police investigator contacted me 3 yrs on. They knew who did it, but he spent a very long time on the phone convincing me to drop the case.

I feel let down. I bet the report says I let it go agreeably... The guilt I felt as the police told me the man's life would be ruined distorted my judgement at the time.

Why did the police make me feel that my right to safety and protection was less of a priority than "ruining another man's life".

I might report it now, because I'm articulate and arsy enough to cope in court and have loads of supportive friends who would help me prepare for it.
I wouldn't be expecting a conviction though, just hoping that public mud would stick at least.

Sad thing is that now I am this arsy and articulate I'm a lot less likely to get raped in future. WHich is great for me-now-age-36 but what about people like me-aged-18?

Two problems I've encountered are 1) if a friend has been raped, it's her private issue - so how can I warn other friends about her rapist (another friend) - telling people I'm not willing to be near X and that X is utter scum never sounds convincing without details, but equally how can I invade three women's privacy and tell people X raped/assualted all of them and once might be a mistake, twice might be carelessness but three times has to mean he's a rapist!

And 2) I think lots of men just don't see why having sex when you didn't want to is a big deal - sex is good, OK you weren't really in the mood/didn't want it with that person, but why is that so bad? I don't know how to explain it myself.

I couldn't even tell my mum, my sister or my best friend. I told no-one until I told my friend years and years later.

The man who raped me is already in prison. He will never come out.

I never reported it when I was date raped 12 years ago.

However, I was sexually assaulted by a 'friend' of DH's 6 years ago, I did report it.
He pleaded 'not guilty' until 3 days before the court date, when he then changed it to 'guilty'. He was charged with 'lewd and lascivious behaviour' and sentenced to one year in prison.

neverforgot - that must have been truly horrendous spending time with your attacker

We all have sad things happen. It wasn't so much the rape it was the reaction.

I think that puts a lot of women off. It changes everything. Sometimes for the good, sometimes not.

It's a fucker.

oh thats so sad otchayaniye

I was raped by a stranger on a train in Russia (travelling to Ukraine) in the early nineties as a student.

Tried to report it but was given the brush off but in the end helped by a westener. If you knew what the dissolving soviet union was like then (utterly lawless, mad, and corrupt) you'd understand why it didn't and couldn't go further.

I was too ashamed to tell my parents but after about a few weeks on my eventual return (not straight away but still shorter than I intended) I blurted it out to my mother and she refused to believe me. So did my then boyfriend. They thought if it was true I'd have been on the first flight out.

I had a breakdown a year later. My fathermentioned it in his suicide. He took it hard.

Sometimes iwish I'd said nothing.

(Namechanger)

When I was a very naive 20 yr old, (I'm 43 now)still a shy virgin, I was sexaully assaulted by a friend of my flatmates.
I physically fought him off and he ran off and left me hysterical.
I woke up my female flatmate and told her, she believed me but she was the only one who did.
My other flatmate basically interrogated me and pretty much told me I was lying, and I'd pretty much asked to be "felt up" as he put it.
Word got around the small town I lived in that "something" had hapened and I was browbeaten into spending an evening in public with my attacker by his friend, (my flatmate)to make sure his good name wasn't ruined.
No one believed me.
To this day I have never gotten over it.
Women aren't believed unless they are beaten to a pulp and have the photos to prove it.

So no, I wouldn't report it and put myself through more trauma on top of the trauma of being raped if I was in that awful position.

I haven't been raped but my sister has :(

She told no one, not even our mum. She told me years later. She thought no one would believe her.

This thread is incredible... anyone who questions the need for feminism today should read it.

JC, what happened to you is fucking disgusting

i hope so to backintraining - this was mid 80s, and i dont think many people admitted that sexual abuse of children went on. I remember when i told my teacher what was happening, i didnt even know what words to use, as i had never heard the word 'abuse' before.

I do think it shocking (yet understandable) that so many women (and probably even less men) wouldnt report it

DH is a forensic investigator and his works makes me seriously wonder if I would. It is often very difficult to obtain physical evidence and even when it is obtained can often be accounted for. Her word against his to consensus sex etc.

I am shocked by your experience JetCat. I would like to think times have changed. They need to have. It is the shoddy treatment of victims in years gone by that makes it so much harder these days.

and well done sarah, stay strong

my sister and I did, as young teenagers. But, as he was our foster parent, the police made it pretty clear they didnt believe us. So, after bringing him to the station for a 'chat', they asked if we (we were in separate rooms being interviewed) would like to talk it over with him. Alone.

I said no (and was quite that they would even ask), but my sister said yes. Not ten minutes later, she came out of his room and said that we had made it up.

As it was then my word against his and hers now, he wasnt charged.

It has happened since then, and i have not reported it, as i think the trauma of being in that police station stays with me now.

Well done Sarah. It must have taken a lot to do that.

Am wondering if I should do something about what happened to me, I often wonder if I've left it too late or if it would achieve anything.

No I didn't and I wouldn't if it ever happened in the future.
My reasoning was twofold, firstly I had been going through a wild stage of heavy partying, one night stands etc. It was not linked to that, but I didn't want my recent history dragged through the courts, papers or my close knit family to find out about my shame and horror.
Secondly, my reaction to it was to go even further downhill and I wouldn't have presented as a plausible witness, whereas as he was a respected member of society.
He no longer is, but sadly that was not due to me...