If you were raped would you report it?

For me it would depend on how ambiguous the circumstances were. For example, if it was a stranger / violence involved etc then probably yes I would.

If it was a boyfriend/spouse/date rape or any situation where my saying 'no' could be in doubt then I probably wouldn't put myself through it.

No. Rape is effectively legal so I don't see the point really.

vickiw1 that is exactly how the system works. A woman's word isn't worth much and if she is a victim it is worth even less. This is for all cases not just rape.

I was raped once and violently sexually assaulted by a gang of boys before I was even 15. I didn't report it then and wouldn't now having just gone through a domestic violence case where I posted complaints about both the police and social services treatment of me. Both services treated me as a perpetrator of a crime as I had defended myself and the ss even threatened to take my child away if I had the temerity to be beaten up again. The media have made UK a haven for men who hate women with equal rights and use violence to get their own way. Every word we speak about gender violence is put into "italics" to emphasise this is just what we say, not what actually happened. We are branded guilty until we prove ourselves innocent and the men in the "justice" system keep it that way whilst wringing their hands in fake concern at the total lack of action on this. 100,000 rapes a year and 600 convictions - the figures speak for themselves really.

i hope i would have the courage to, & to do so asap. my hubby has been accused of an offence (not rape) that allegedly occurred several years ago, before i met him. If the accuser had said something earlier, i would possibly 1) never have met him (2)not have been pregnant when the accusation was made (when i found out, i thought its not a good idea to become pregnant with this going on & was waiting for my cycle to start so i could go on the pill again, but i was already pregnant), so now, if he's found guilty, he will lose his job, probably not work again, probably go to jail, lose reputation, friends, relationship with his child from previous marriage, miss out on his new daughter (personally i believe he is innocent & he swears he is), i will lose my home as can't keep up repayments, & payment protection won't cover it i'm sure, so will have to move to a cheaper area with a 6 week old baby, & wouldn't want to put someone else in asimilar position, hence hoping i would report it ASAP.

Yes, without question.

Agree eldritch what a profoundly sad and depressing thread.

I am pretty good kickboxer so would make it hard for the man but should I get raped I absolutely would report it.

I wouldn't was raped by strangers when I was 14 and didn't even tell anyone till I was 21 and had a breakdown.

Even now I see the accusing looks as I have had depression and people jump to conclusions on my mental health if I have a bad day and the doctor put my dizzy spells (due to low blood pressure) down to my previous depression saying I was attention seeking.

Going to the police would be 10 times worse and with such low success rates I wouldn't want to put myself through it.

You also have to consider your family they would be open to abuse if the courts decided you were lying and it is a lot for children to go through- their mum being raped, then abuse as people defend the rapist and if you don't get a conviction could cause serious problems between you, tour children, the community etc...

It is terrible to see so many people feel the same as me and seeing so many people who have been raped shows we are being let down by the police and justice system.

My sister was a juror on a rape case a few months ago. The woman had invited the man, who she sort of knew, home. She had agreed to foreplay but said "no" when he tried to go further. He raped her anyway. He was found not guilty.

The defence, and some of the jurors agreed, said that as his first language wasn't English he may not have understood "no". As my sister pointed out to the jurors, when he had first gone into her flat he had asked whether he could smoke and been told "no" so he clearly did understand the word.

My sister couldn't sleep for a while because she felt that she could have done more to convince the others and also because she is convinced he will do it again.

This thread makes me so sad and really angry but, knowing what this woman went through, I don't think it's a black and white answer.

What a profoundly sad and depressing thread . I'd like to think I would report it, but having read some of these responses I'm not so sure now. I started reading Lucky by Alice Sebold, but found it so harrowing I couldn't finish it. She is amazing though.

I wouldn;t, I don't think.
First time it happened to me was by a man I worked with, when I was 17. We were on a staff night and had been kissing all night, everyone knew I liked him...later on he pushed me into an alleyway and raped me anally. I was a virgin, hadn't gone any further than kissing before.
I told people but no one believed me. That confused me as well and I felt that maybe I should have been clearer that I didn't want to do it? (Although I had said no, and I did struggle). I became known as the girl who lied, everyone in the town seemed to know. I still had to work shifts alone with him as well.

The only thing that made it 'better' was a few years later, I was with a few male friends who I had also worked with at that time and one of them made a joke about it. I was gutted and upon seeing this another man I worked with piped up, 'what he did to OnceUponA was rape and we all know it'.
Made me feel better to know that there was someone who believed me.

I was also sexually assaulted at Uni, attempted rape but I managed to get away. Was by a guy I lived with. No one believed me then either because he and I had been such close friends before.

There is a tendency to disbelieve the victim, and I wonder why this is.

This thread has sickened and scared me so much. I've always known the convictions were low but to here the struggles to even be believed are horrifing.

I agree with what EvilEyeButterPie posted Mon 08-Nov-10 23:18:50, everyone has one of these stories to tell whether you realise it or not. Looking back on my life I now see that the time I lost my virginity wasn't my choice. I had been in bed with my then boyfriend kissing, I said no and pushed him away but he went ahead anyway- I just thought I shouln't have led him on. Or there's the time I was drunk in a club and a stranger came up to me and started groping me, gods know how far that would have gone if I hadn't got away and stood by my friends.

I'm truely terrified for my DN, and any future children I have.

Women do NOT have a responsibility to report rape.

Rape victims have no responsibility to respond to rape the way anyone else says they should.

We live in a society where it is basically legal to rape women - most of us don't report it when we're raped and when we do, we're not believed or treated as if it's partly our fault. We have a 94% chance of not getting justice and being branded as liars and we now have the added anxiety of being charged with wasting police time if we withdraw charges because we can't face being humiliated in court, or can't get a conviction because juries are so desperate to let rapists walk free. How can we possibly have any responsibility to report in that climate?

I didn´t.

It was a friend´s husband.

We´d been seen laughing & drinking together so I was sure no one would believe me.

I don't think that women should be admonished for not reporting this crime, with the way things are with the system at the moment.

I think that the rapist bears responsibility for what he does, not his victims.

I am glad to hear a positive story of police treatment of this crime though. I mean, some of them must be doing it properly.

Im a guy and if anything happened to my ex, daughter or any other family member i would deal with it myself, even if they do get convicted, the jail time would not be long enough.

What a sad thread. It makes me so angry to think that the system we have is so rubbish, that the most effective course is vigilante action.

How utterly depressing and sad this all is

I have been sexually assaulted 3 times in my life and was stalked by one of these men for about 3 months afterwards, although these were only minor in comparison to the stories on here. I admit I didn't report any of them, even when one was witnessed by someone else who tried to encourage me to speak up. I still get freaked out when I hear someone walking up fast behind me.

I was too ashamed then, so I think if I was ever raped I probably wouldn't report it, unless it was a total stranger and at knife point and the evidence was VERY clear.

I have the same type of reaction when somebody breathes into my ear herethere.

Shiny -

'I do think women have a responsibility to report sexual crimes'

We have to do what is best for us to survive. I'm glad you were able to report but I don't feel any less about myself that I wasn't able to.

I think men have a responsibility not to rape.

No. I was 16 when I was raped. I'd lied to my parents so I could stay out all night at a party. I'd been drinking but not enough to feel drunk. A bloke I fancied and snogged took me to a tent in the garden. He wanted to have sex and I said no, lots. He forced himself on top of me so I pushed his pelvis away, lots. He resolved the issue by pinning my wrists to the floor and fking me anyway. No way I'd ever get a conviction for that - why traumatise myself and my family several times over? Still can't bear anyone "restraining" my wrists and have a weird involuntary reaction where I go hysterical if someone tries it. Can't stop myself. I'm now 34.

I'd only ever report if it was a complete stranger who'd pounced in a dark alley or similar. Anything else is torturing yourself again. over and over.

OMG - this thread has made me very sad and very scared.

It's great to hear about someone who had a good experience with reporting though.

I was very struck by 'I actually feel the process of reporting it and having it on record was therapeutic for me, even if it didn't reach court.'

that's how, ideally, it should be for everybody. I wonder how much comes down to simple sensitivity and courtesy by the people interviewing & examining.

Sadly its not that simple shiny. Society as whole finds it easier to side with agressive bullies. A rapist is the ultimate bully. If a woman does not report a rape she is on her own dealing with the trauma of the attack. If she reports it she is on her own dealing with the trauma of the attack and dealing with a lot of people treating her like a piece of dirt.

Although I did not report my attack I did blurt it out to a friend. This 'friend' no longer has anything to do with me for what she calls 'bad mouthing a good man' I have also been told if I report him I will never see my dd again. I'm sorry shiny but I can't lose my dd, I know its selfish but I can't.

I was raped at 16 and I went to the police station straight afterwards; it never occurred to me not to report it. I must have read novels or watched Crimewatch or something as a teenager because I knew it was important to get examined before the evidence was washed away.

I was interviewed by a male officer but they did check with me that was OK; he was part of a special team and was very sensitive about it all. The doctor who examined me was also male but I didn't have a problem with that either - I've never generalised the incident into a fear of all men and I knew they were being professional and courteous.

In the end the CPS felt there wasn't enough evidence to take the allegations to court and I understand that's quite common. I actually feel the process of reporting it and having it on record was therapeutic for me, even if it didn't reach court.

I do think women have a responsibility to report sexual crimes; so many attackers are repeat offenders and even if their own case doesn't reach court or result in a conviction, it leaves a trail which might help build up evidence against another attack and could stop more happening.

i was raped at 17 by an ex boy friend.. i was in my own home, parents upstairs and asleep..i didnt really even consider it rape until i was older.. i had said no and he just went ahead anyway..

i didnt struggle or make any noise.. too shocked...

didnt report it of course.. didnt enter my head to.. this was in the 80s..

anyway 15 years later read in the paper about a case of a policeman suspended for sexually assalting a collegue on duty.. he was found not guilty and she left the force.. it was his name.. it was him.. I knew he was guilty as he had done this to me...

dh wanted me to go to police then but i didnt, couldnt...