Why sexual abuse should be taken seriously...

And even if there was an issue with the 13 year old's mental age, i.e. a previously unknown (as the OP doesn't seem to know about it) developmental delay of some sort, isn't that all the more reason to get professional assessment and help?

Locks on bedroom doors is not the way to go, no one should have to be sleeping behind a locked door out of fear in their own family home - certainly not a six year old girl!

"There is a third option. Deal with the issue within the home. Make sure the son knows how wrong it is. Make sure the daughter knows that if it EVER happens again, she must speak out and that it is right to do so. Also take practical steps such as installing door locks and changing the sleeping arrangements. I would make it abundantly clear that, should it ever happen again, the police would be involved."

But it is illegal. From another thread:
"sexual assault is when a man or a woman touchs another person, male or female in a sexual way without that person's consent. The maximum sentence for sexual assault is 10 years imprisonment."

Not reporting to the authorities sends the message that the law doesn't matter and the perpetrator will not have to answer to society and the law for his actions.

Tabouleh,

I cannot say exactly what I would do. I have a 17 month old son and no-one in my family has ever sexually abused one another. To be fair, nor can you or anyone else unless they have been in exactly that position.

I would have to make a judgement based on what support individual members of my family needed and what they were actually like as people. I would take a lot of advice from wise friends in RL (not on a message board) and seek professional help as required. My feeling is that I would like to retain control of the situation but use outside help I trusted. My priority would be to protect all my children.

but...but...once is too many times! what of the little girls who may not be so confident to "tell" next time? Should 6 year olds be allowed doors that lock on the inside - surely not?

13 year olds KNOW how wrong it is. I don't care what you said above about those with a lower mental age, there is no indication that this is the case here. He is trying his luck touching his little sisters and hoping to get away with it. Hopefully this kind of abusive behaviour can be stopped in its tracks right now.

Tabouleh,

Sure, I am happy to apologise for the personal attack.

"FFS larry - you are a piece of work you really are"

Care to apologise for the above in the still undeleted post of yours?

Leningrad,

"This is especially important in cases where the parents can't, won't or don't want to act."

I sense that you and some others are deliberately ignoring my point. There are not two options only:

1/ Do nothing

2/ Go straight to police and SS

There is a third option. Deal with the issue within the home. Make sure the son knows how wrong it is. Make sure the daughter knows that if it EVER happens again, she must speak out and that it is right to do so. Also take practical steps such as installing door locks and changing the sleeping arrangements. I would make it abundantly clear that, should it ever happen again, the police would be involved.

"If that is the case I am wrong."
Why do you doubt that is the case larry?

"However, it is the crass idea that I am motivated by some idea that sexual assault is somehow OK that offends."

But you are quite happy for it to go on in families without it being reported to the authorities. Why is that?

Elephants,

"I understand that, but I was responding to your "short of rape or murder" comment above"

That comment was specifically about one's children, not one's spouse. Please attack me for things that I am saying, not things that I am not saying.

Leningrad,

If that is the case I am wrong. However, it is the crass idea that I am motivated by some idea that sexual assault is somehow OK that offends.

And, I am still sure that, if you went some of the way towards dealing with the problem yourself, then you would get better treatment when it does get reported. You will already have a workable solution in place rather than have every step dictated by a bureaucrat.

I suspect that 9/10 of the posters who were shoving the OP into the arms of the SS would have thought long and hard about treating their own 13 year old sons like that in the same circumstances.

I understand that, but I was responding to your "short of rape or murder" comment above. So I am not confusing them, I am questioning your judgement that nearly all issues can be dealt with within the family.

Also you seem to not be listening to the posters reminding you that not everyone can afford "their own chosen experts". Most people can't in fact.

Elephants,

When some of us become parents, we feel we assume responsibility for our children. Sure, we outsource some of it to schools etc. But, when it comes to discipline, moral guidance etc, we feel that they are our children and we can give them the guidance that they need with the help of OUR OWN chosen experts if required.

You are confusing domestic violence between spouses with an issue between 2 children, where the mother is clearly still head of the household. I am not suggesting that a beaten wife can solve her own domestic violence issue without recourse to the police etc.

So you think domestic violence should be handled within the home? By whom? The pop up judge and police force that we all keep on the windowsill? By the victim? The perpetrator? Or the kids?

Tabouleh,

Please check the date of my last post in the feminist section. I said I would not post there again about a month ago, I think. I have not done so until this thread.

I cannot agree with you re nuances. What if a seven year old had touched his 6 year old sister. Could that be innocent? Or a 13 year old with a mental age of 7?

All I am saying is that, to me, 13 is not an adult and some 13 year olds are still children. Motivations do matter. The fact that the 13 year old told his mother what he was doing, without being ashamed of it, does kind of indicate he did not realise it was wrong.

Now, I agree, that does not lessen it in the eyes of the abusee. However, informing SS is not some magic wand which will make her feel better either. I suggested that a family, with the help of THEIR chosen experts, could solve this kind of problem better by themselves. That is a different view on the solution to the problem, not a denial or an ignoring of the problem. I would never suggest ignoring the poor 6 year old or allowing the behaviour to recur. However, I do not believe in throwing one's child to the wolves (unless he has murdered or something).

"Raising awareness of the seriousness of sexual assult and rape against women and children is hugely important."

That is just a truism that nobody, including me, will disagree with. Personally I would include men in the group but I am aware, as a feminist, you feel that we can stand up for ourselves. Fair enough. I don't like the kind of grouping you imply, though. The innocents: i.e the women and children and the abusers: i.e men. There are a large variety of abusive situations (not all abuse is sexual) where the perpetrators are women.