"You'll scare him off"

And housework is not minor! It is massive. And tedious. And wearing.

my dh does a set number of jobs
without request
he fills in other ad hoc stuff

he stepped back from his career to allow me to pursue mine (what a crock of shit that turned out to be)
part of that deal was that he undertook the majority of house stuff whilst still working full time it was just his ft was 37 hrs and mine was 60.

i'm on mat now and i've stepped up the housey stuff and he's stepped up his hours

be clear and you will get what you want I find
alluding
huffing
or saying "well men do that don't they" is not an option if you want to be happy

Any bloke scared off by you pointing out you are not prepared to be his domestic slave is Not A Bloke Worth Having, IMO. So actually this is a good litmus test.

it's better to discuss it upfront

if you or he is a tidy freak and the other a slob it will cause problems and compromise or systems need to be made and agreed

i hate being crippled by the small print on a contract and this is something to discuss if it is import ant to you as it obv is

I told DP that I wouldn't have my workload increased by his moving in. If he didn't agree to that I didn't want him to move in.

I think because he never got the chance to pick up 'bad' habits it has worked well. He does more housework (spontaneously) than 90% of men. (but he still isn't as good as having a wife would be )

TBH if a man who you are in a serious loving relationship decides to pack it in because you talk about sharing housework, you're better off without him.

I think that before moving in together it is a good idea to have an idea of what both people's expectations are regarding lots of things - money/bank accounts, who pays what and how, who looks after what things, yes why not housework.

Other option is to start as you mean to go on.

I would have thought though that if you've been with someone a while you should have a good idea of whether they will pull their weight or not? And that if it's going to be a situaiton where people start off with good intentions and then get lazy as the shine wears off then that will happen whether there's been a conversation or not IYSWIM.

Ridiculous to say that a conversation about washing up would "put someone off", I mean if you're that serious and about to move in together... it's silly!

I think lots of things need to be discussed before moving in with someone and finding out about their attitude to kids, career plan,money,housework etc. Each will have different weight depending on how important those issues are to individuals .Your hardly suggesting you hand them a pair of marigolds on the first date to see their reaction.

I'm lucky in that DH was my housemate in a shared house before we dated so I knew his plus and minus points.

I would make sure you are both thinking along the same lines re division of chores but not actually decide who does what. It might seem minor and petty but I'd rather that than get stuck living with someone who doesn't pull his weight.

I wouldn't as it seems very minor and petty which can be decided when you move in compared to matters such as finance which I agree do need some discussion beforehand.

I didn't - mainly because we met at uni, lived in a shared house and when we got together just started using both rooms. We didn't really talk too much about how money would be shared either, we had a joint account for food and when we then rented together we agreed to use it for everything.

Good question though, as now I we are separated I have no idea how this would go with someone new.