Don't know where to start, just feel like I need a massive rant. Sorry for yet another thread about housework.
What the hell can I do? We've lived together 6 months or so, I feel like things are slipping out of my grasp. Today it's all come to a head and I am so unhappy (he doesn't know it at the moment).
I will try to keep it short.
He thinks he "tries" and that he is reasonable. Yes, if I ask, things will get done (eventually, or straight away accompanied by sighs). But I really fucking resent having to ask. To think about these things. When HE DOESN'T.
With the big jobs (laundry, hoovering, etc) it's almost simpler. I will say "this needs to be done" and we will do it together if laundry, or the hoovering or cleaning bathroom might get done in a few days. Washing up we alternate and do every 2 days (we both detest it). See above point re: thinking about the jobs.
What gets me is the little things. Putting things away. Especially food rubbish. Other rubbish too (from the post etc). Dirty laundry.
But mainly it's just that he NEVER thinks about these things. And he doesn't understand how I can have these things on my mind for days at a time. I have changed and become more slovenly because it is easier than "nagging". Our flat is cluttered to put it nicely. I don't like what I've become.
We've talked about it so many times. I've told him I feel it's disrespectful to me. He says he is just happier to do things when he wants to do them, and that they will get done. This means that every day there is something left out around the living room or kitchen, a yogurt pot, a glass with dried milk in the bottom, etc. I've told him that it affects how much I want sex with him. (Other issues there though, haha). He promises to do more, to make an effort. If I'm around, he will, like cleaning up after himself when he cooks.
(He used to cook more than me, that's changed lately - what a surprise! He likes it more than me too.)
Anyway. At the weekend he went away for a night with mates. A weight was lifted off my shoulders (don't feel I can do chores when he is around, you see. Makes me resentful). I cleared up, hoovered, did some laundry (that he said he was going to do before he went out). Doesn't seem like much but I wrote down what I had done and included all the little things. (Like "put yogurt pot in bin" or "put dirty towels in laundry basket now there is space".)
He came home, said "It looks really tidy, thanks!" and hasn't lifted a finger to do anything since, except wash up last night when it was his turn. The kitchen is a tip again, laundry needs doing, dirty pants on floor in bedroom.
I could go on but I am sure this is getting boring.
We have tried rotas (didn't work for long because we go away to visit family on weekends fairly often) and separating chores (can't agree; he WON'T clean the bathroom every time and will only take the "nice" chores like hoovering and laundry rather than the ones where you get dirty). Besides, this doesn't address the "small" issues.
I think he is lazy. He plays Call of Duty on the PS3 each night for at least 2 hours.
My latest idea is to put up and shut up for a month and write down EVERYTHING that I do. But then what? He always wriggles out of it.
I've read the Politics of Housework. I'm not sure if he thinks I should do it all (maybe he does, but doesn't realise it) or if he is just really lazy. He calls me nagging too.
I am aware that I'm a cliche :( Just so worried that it will be much, much worse when we have kids. Why is it so damn hard?
I'm so unhappy today :( thanks for reading.