the Ms thing

Ha! Was literally just reading this thread when I got a market research call from someone who wanted to know if they were speaking to Mrs DH surname. I told them that I was married to Mr DH but that my name was First name Second name. I am a Ms if asked for a title, but would never say "I am Ms Surname". I prefer no titles at all, and would much rather a salesperson/tradesperson verged on over familiarity by calling me by my first name than Mrs anything. You're right I think to say that to assume you're a Mrs is insulting. To some of us. But then, I wonder whether you're more likely to offend a Ms by calling her Mrs or a Mrs by calling her Ms or Miss? Honestly, it's a social minefield and I find that I can't get too angry about it in the grand scheme of things because women have the right to choose to be Mrs/Miss if they want. Goodness, that was rambly and slightly pointless.

I hate this too

i've always been a Ms, since about the age of 12 (didn't realise what a big deal it would be until i found myself having to justify it even to my own (mrs) mother!)

last week i called an ISP helpline and the guy on the phone repeatedly referred to me as Mrs Surname, despite that I've only EVER been known as Ms Surname to them, i wouldn't have minded him calling me by my firstname, but to know my title and surname, and just automatically prefix Mrs on there - grrrr!

I didn't correct him, but i think i should have - after all, why is he referring to my martial status on a tech support line? It's completely irrelevant, not accurate, and downright disrespectful.

Whoever said in the thread that it's just a snide little way to make a point that someone doesn't agree that women have the right to choose... that's a good point

i get letters addressed to "mrs Hsurname" all the time from his relatives. they also fail to recognise that H has since changed his surname to double barrel with me (we're Ms Surname-Surname and Mr Surname-Surname, kids are too). it's completely disrespectful

i respect his gran's choice to be Mrs Herbert Surname (or whatever), i would never dream of making a petty little point like that if I'd been told the correct (preferred) way of addressing someone

i noticed they're doing this with leader's wives names now - Nick Clegg's wife is Spanish and has NEVER EVER been known as Mrs Clegg, and they repeatedly refer to her as that (despite already having clarified that she's his wife, so no further clarification needed)...

grr now i'm all angry

Its odd, so many things bother me and this isn't one of them and I can never work out why.

But in terms of this

'So tell me if you think that feminism has moved on and there are more important things to worry about?'

Absolutely not. There are stacks of little battles and it's those that stack up to make a difference. And of course we can all worry about lots of things at the same time. I can't think of an example at the moment, but there are loads of little things I can't let go. Of course on the hierarchy of most important feminist things, this wouldn't be at the top for me, but it doesn't mean it isn't important. Fight it wherever it happens I say

And I wouldn't say posting it here is a cop out personally. Of course elsewhere you'd face a barrage of 'lighten up' 'go and fight poverty instead' etc, but I've heard that stuff ad nauseum.

Bloody annoying, isn't it? If a company doesn't know your title, they shouldn't assume anything at all.

I wish we could get rid of all non-professional / academic titles from standard address and solve this problem at the same time as part of a broader social modernisation process.