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Original poster

working mothers

135 replies

novicemama · 10/09/2010 10:02

The company I work for is signed up with 'wellbeing works' - this is part of our 'benefits' and there are helplines you can use etc. Every week they send out an email, usually with articles about health, stress in the workplace, your workplace rights etc. I have already had to complain to them once this year about an article entitled 'Rape: don't become another statistic' warning women not to drink too much or give off mixed messages to male colleagues in the pub Hmm

Now today I see [[http://eu.healthinsite.net/ContentViewerPane/ContentViewerPane.aspx?cookie=2100001605&Content=5914&ContentType=2
this little gem]] about working mothers and how to deal with having to spend nights away from your family.

I don't know where to start really, there are just SO MANY things in there that make my blood boil. Would anyone like to kick off? And any input into the complaint email I'll be sending this afternoon would be welcomed too!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 10/09/2010 11:05
Shock That would be dreadful as an article in a parenting magazine but as an article from a corporation to its staff it is shocking! What did they say about your rape complaint? Is there anyone else where you work that will also complain, to back you up?
saintlydamemrsturnip · 10/09/2010 11:03

ha ha ha - sorry that is so bad it is funny.

Definitely complain.

LadyBiscuit · 10/09/2010 11:03

I have to say that was running through my mind when I was reading it too. I have a full time job and have to pack and get ready for a trip away (which I probably have to prep for - read, rehearse, plan etc). I don't have time to write love notes, leave treasure, make fabulous meals etc

Do you think the author has ishoos? The 'being forced to eat fast food while his mother swanned off' comment was quite telling. Poor bloke clearly needs therapy to help him move on

DuelingFanjo · 10/09/2010 11:02

thought your response was great, well done.

Original poster
novicemama · 10/09/2010 11:00

Ladybiscuit, I agree - puke - hit something - puke... hmmm not sure which to do first.
I am 24wks pg as well at the moment and the angry hormones are in overdrive Grin

The other thing which got me riled is the idea that even though you are a working parent you would have the time / inclination to be leaving little love notes in lunchboxes, recording yourself reading the bloody Gruffalo, making homecooked food, writing lists of emergency numbers for your hapless 'hubby' Hmm. I mean, what are we aspiring to here? Don't most normal working parents just collapse on the sofa with a glass of wine most evenings? I know we bloody well do.

OP posts:
DuelingFanjo · 10/09/2010 11:00

omg, what a load of bollox!

OrmRenewed · 10/09/2010 10:59

ROFL! Classic sexist bullshit.

It wasn't issued on 1st April was it?

sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:59

you know, us feminists really shouldn't get so angry all the time. It puts people off and undermines our cause.

LadyBiscuit · 10/09/2010 10:55

sethstark - that's it isn't it? If you don't feel guilty, you bloody well should do.

I can't believe that, novice. I don't know whether to puke or hit something Angry

EleFunTess · 10/09/2010 10:54

Good response. Nothing to add.

sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:53

top complaint Novicemama - v well written.

sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:52

it is so undermining in so many ways.... Sad

Original poster
novicemama · 10/09/2010 10:52

My response below. Do you have anything to add (which is printable)?

-----

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about an article published in this week?s ?wellbeing works? email entitled When Mommy?s Away (attached)

The whole premise of the piece is sexist. There are a series of underlying assumptions throughout the article which are at best outdated and at worst downright offensive, as follows:

  1. That family issues arising from parents working away from home only affect working mothers and not working fathers
  1. That working mothers should and do feel guilty for working, and particularly for undertaking work which requires nights away from home
  1. That working mothers are entirely responsible for the health and wellbeing of their husband and family, even when they are not there
  1. That when it comes to domestic tasks and childcare, working fathers are useless and are nothing more than overgrown children. This is an insult to the vast majority of fathers who are perfectly capable of looking after their own children, doing domestic chores, remembering appointments etc

The article seems to have been cut and pasted from an American publication (the use of ?Mommy? and ?hubby? throughout) and I am interested in hearing from you how you commission and edit the articles you distribute. I am also interested to hear from you why you think it is appropriate to differentiate between working mothers and working fathers in this way. I find articles such as this to be offensive and will be taking it up with my HR department.

Assuming that you do not agree with the sexist assumptions behind the article (which in this age of equality I hope you do not), I would suggest that the piece is completely re-written as advice for working parents of both genders.

I look forward to your response

OP posts:
CMOTdibbler · 10/09/2010 10:49

It's this kind of codswallop that reinforces the view that travelling for work when you are a mother is a Bad Thing.

DH manages perfectly well without me - no need for me to cook and leave meals (what an insult to him to say he'd feed our ds burgers all the time)

And DS manages to cope without me without pictures of where I am - he knows I get on a plane and then do working, and I'll phone/email then return. All their suggestions just makes it into a bigger thing than it is

Ooh, I'm just fuming at this in total

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 10/09/2010 10:42

Typical American schmalzy claptrap. "Munching on Mommies meals" ffs - do no Dad;s cook....

And lumping in hubby as another kid who can't manage a day on his own......

Is there a similar lecture for Dads who spend the night away from home.....

EleFunTess · 10/09/2010 10:41

The writers should be shot just for use of the word 'hubby'.

Vile.

edam · 10/09/2010 10:40

Good grief! Your employers are actually paying someone to come up with this shit? Suggest they review the contract. Not only horribly sexist but all the idiots are doing is cutting and pasting stupid, cliched, sub-Hallmark cards comments from websites. And not even bothering to re-write it for employees in Britain.

notquitenormal · 10/09/2010 10:39
Hmm

How patronising.

It's a business trip, not trekking the fucking Andes.

slug · 10/09/2010 10:37

I'd also complain that it was obviously cut and pasted from an American publication. "Mommy" FFS, in the UK it's Mummy

sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:36

excellent point Novicemama, my dh would have been furious.

What sector do you work in? Have you thought of leaking this to your trade magazine (anonymously of course....)

Original poster
novicemama · 10/09/2010 10:35

I am busy writing my complaint at the moment - I will share when I've finished so I can get your comments before I send it.

Aside from the 'OMG am I working at Sterling Cooper?' feeling, I actually think the piece is mainly offensive to the thousands of hands-on dads who are more than capable of looking after their own kids and cooking a meal Hmm

OP posts:
sethstarkaddersmum · 10/09/2010 10:34

thing is, even if you don't feel guilty as a working mum then all the constant chipping away telling you that you should feel guilty makes you feel equally bad. I used to worry a bit that I wasn't properly attached to my children because I didn't feel guilty about working away from home!

azazello · 10/09/2010 10:32

I'm speechless. This is absolutely appalling. Infuriating shite. Please complain.

Snorbs · 10/09/2010 10:32

For fuck's sake. That is quite a substantial lump of offensive bollocks.

TheCrackFox · 10/09/2010 10:32
Shock

Was this written in the 1950s?

Good point minipie they need to re-write the article for dads.