Is it easier to be a feminist if you are a lesbian?

Having said that I have had a few lesbian encounters, but again, it wasn't an active "choice".

I'm a bit chaotic aren't I?

For me I couldn't choose lesbianism because I literally am mad for men;, I can't get enough of them, and I can't help myself. I have been entirely faithful to DH for the 5 years we've been married. It has been okay, if a little dull compared to my pre-married life, and obviously my babies have more than filled the gap, but I don't think it's a natural set-up, just a societal one.

So I have never understood how women can become lesbians for political reasons, I mean the concept of "choosing" your sexuality. Are they doing it so they don't have to be involved with men?

I think lesbians are probably more likely to be feminists since they're forced to face double the prejudice (both sexism and homophobia) than heterosexual women. It's probably a bit harder to bury your head in the sand about inequality when it frequently hits you in the face.

My DH identifies himself as a feminist, I can't imagine being married to a man who didn't. And he's not scary

Thank you.

Yes, I don't like the ownership of monogamy either.
I think marriage, I mean the idea behind monogamous marriage, is an ENORMOUS leap of faith and naivety optimism.
I mentioned on the another thread that SAHMism is very similar to prostitution and society has been set up in that way. However my pull towards my babies has been very powerful and this is used to keep women economically inferior I think. I am that taking time out to raise babies, which is so important, means you effectively lose any shot at achieving real power in the world.
It has to change.

oh, free love, obviously. Sorry I'm a dinasour when it comes to the internet. I don't know what twitters all about.

oooh, no what's it about? What's 40D. I live abroad. Can I get it?

Sakura - did you watch that C4 prog about Dawn Porter learning about free love? It's on 4OD - you should watch it!

Greensleeves I completely agree that a 'male feminist" is a rare creature.

I think David Mitchell is a feminist, judging by his writing and comedy clips but I doubt he'd ever describe himself as one, and he probably doesn't know he is one. I think Dostoyevski was one and a few other writers. Obviously John Mills etc

OTOH Self identified male feminists seem a bit scary to me. "Look, I'm a FEMINIST!" and then they start mansplaining all over the place.

Well, I've always thought it sort of inconvenient that I'm not a lesbian, because if I was it would be easier to fall in with my Marxist idea that we should break down marriage and create a society where women live in groups where men come and go (or not, if you're a lesbian)!

I've always had very close female friends and never envisaged marriage as part of the plan. I just wanted to live with my best friend in a flat. I did live in a flat with 2 friends abroad for a year and that was the best year of my life.

Anyhoo..I have ended up as a SAHM, which has nothing to do with my DH and everything to do with the fact my identity as a mother takes precedence over my identity as a wife or as a company employee. I'm still BF my 1 year old but I'll be going back to work soon hopefully. And that's where the problem comes in isn't it. It's children!

If I hadn't wanted children I'd never have married. I've never been unfaithful to DH because I'd be so hurt if he did that to me, but I find monogamy difficult.

Yes - and now I've turned the computer on and got involved reading it again, I can't turn it off and get on with what I need to get on with!

I am quicker, mentally, than my husband. Not more intelligent, just better at thinking on my feet, and changing priorities quickly. Hence, if I wasn't careful, I could easily take advantage of him in arguments etc. Our relationship isn't equal in that sense.

However, none of our inequality is due to our sex. Just to do with different abilities etc. I could control DH very easily in arguments...but he earns the money and could control me with his money if he wanted to! We're equal because we take eachother equally seriously and respect eachother and the contributions we make to family life - monetary and otherwise - equally.

I suspect it's quite hard to have a truly equal relationship full stop. I know I find it hard not to take advantage of my dh at times and vice versa. Slightly differently than manyt couples perhaps - I take advantage of dhs domesticity to be very lazy, whilst he takes advantage of my money at times, behaviours which upset both of us. People are an odd mixture of selfish and selfless I guess.

Do you mind me asking a very, very personal question, TBE? Does your husband know you are a lesbian? What does he think? Is he accepting? I assume he must be or someone who appears to be as strong as you wouldn't still be with him! Please tell me to fuck off if I'm being too intrusive!

That's an interesting point, earwicga. So, Posie, does that mean that you think that men are only sexy if they think women are inferior to them and treat them as such?

I generally think that dh shares many of my views. He is certainly not misogynist and we have a lot of role reversal in our lives (he is a SAHD, does all the domestic chores etc). Sometimes though that's because I feel them so strongly I can't imagine how on earth he could take a different line. Which has occasionally led to conflict. For example we had a bit of a row about that thread with the 18 year old and the 12 year old (the one who pretended she was 16 on Facebook and ended up being raped in a park). He got upset because he thought I was intimating that our dd might in future get into this sort of trouble, and that I didn't argue fairly when I brought up the (fairly minor) sexual assault I experienced when I was 12.

So I think it can be difficult for a man to understand where a woman is coming from when she is talking about an experience that he hasn't had, or imagined/feared having, and that can be a barrier.

PosieParker - just what does 'emasculated' mean? Sounds to me like you have fixed views on gender which is a terible shame.