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Stupidities and irritations in novels

264 replies

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 11:43

What are the things which annoy you most in fiction? Things characters do, assumptions authors make, etc?

I think my number one has to be the "affluence assumption", where people who are supposedly worrying about money still "have" to send Jonty and Jocasta to the lovely little prep school and violin lessons. (Mind you, there's enough of that on here.)

DW has just finished reading these, which feature such laughable idiocies as a state primary school where people talk about "first years" and "second years" and which has its own dedicated science block and music block.

There are an awful lot of thirty- and forty-something women writing novels these days who are out of touch with any reality beyond their cosy little London mums-and-coffees-and-gym circle. And - surprise, surprise - they are books about cosy little London mums-and-coffees-and-gym circles.

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KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:21

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UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:20

nkf - it varies hugely according to the publisher, the agent, the deal, whether there was an auction, etc.

If you have a wily agent (as I have) they get you a better deal long-term, not just from advances but royalty rates on escalators (go up after a certain number of copies sold), overseas rights etc. My books have sold in eight territories, which is why I have done quite well.

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LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:19

That's funny Kerry! there's probably only about 500 of us here and sometimes it seems like 280 million.

KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:19

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LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:18

Ah well done! when you are on the Dublin leg of your tour, in Hodges Figgis on Nassau St, I'll stand in the queue with my paid-for book to be signed by you.

OhBling · 30/12/2008 15:18

And you're also an author kerry? Blimey, MN is a talented lot.

I want to write a diet book one day. Just have to lose the weight first to prove my diet works! hahahahaha.

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:17

I knew it was a good deal. And certainly higher than an average first time literary novel. No?

But seriously are you saying that all those slummy mummy or self discovery after babies books really only garner £3,500 per book?

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:17

I knew it was a good deal. And certainly higher than an average first time literary novel. No?

But seriously are you saying that all those slummy mummy or self discovery after babies books really only garner £3,500 per book?

KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:16

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LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:16

Are you KerryMUm Mumbles?

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:16

Liffey (Elizabeth BeresfordSW19 is what you were!): well, stay tuned, because I have just had four commissions in the past year and there's another book - a children's book, a new venture for me - with my agent right now. I'm busy until the end of 2009/beginning of 2010...

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LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:15

Sorry uqd that was my fault.

KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:15

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TotalChaos · 30/12/2008 15:15

UQD - would be v. interested to know who you are but don't have CAT! could you e-mail me the website link at milkfloatquack at hotmail dot com

BBBee · 30/12/2008 15:14

oh and i hate clumsy converstaions put in merely to explain a bit of the plot - lazy writing.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:14

That kind of advance is exceptional. Really exceptional. A fifth or tenth of that is normal - really. The Society of Authors regularly gather info on such things.

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LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:13

So when's your next world tour then UQD, I want to walk into my local bookshop and see you grinning from behind a table stacked with your books!

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:13

Okay.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:12

nkf - I don't want to do that. Nobody else on here has to tell everyone who they are!!

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BBBee · 30/12/2008 15:12

the thing i hate about mum-lit is that it is all so cliched - it makes us all seem really boring and insecure.

KerryMumbles · 30/12/2008 15:11

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LiffeyAgSnamhArLaCoille · 30/12/2008 15:11

UQD, I am 'nobody' and I'm more careful on here than you are!! Wasn't going to say your name though. I was longliveGreenElizabeth when you told me who you are, or maybe Elizabeth BeresfordSW19

canee remember i've had so many identities. but wasn't going to type it.

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:10

I can't CAT alas. Can't you quickly put up your website link?

nkf · 30/12/2008 15:09

I thought they got quite a bit. Someone I know got £70k for two mums lit novels. Sounded not bad to me. One book a year. For work you can do round the school run and without childcare.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 15:07

nkf - bit of a myth, that. About the advances, I mean. I do think there is too much of it and it's all the same, though.

I don't actually say directly on here who I am, because I want my anonymity as much as anyone else! But I have sent my website link to anyone who CATs me, which I think is fair enough. And I'm not famous. far from it. Just a jobbing writer.

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