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Stupidities and irritations in novels

264 replies

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 11:43

What are the things which annoy you most in fiction? Things characters do, assumptions authors make, etc?

I think my number one has to be the "affluence assumption", where people who are supposedly worrying about money still "have" to send Jonty and Jocasta to the lovely little prep school and violin lessons. (Mind you, there's enough of that on here.)

DW has just finished reading these, which feature such laughable idiocies as a state primary school where people talk about "first years" and "second years" and which has its own dedicated science block and music block.

There are an awful lot of thirty- and forty-something women writing novels these days who are out of touch with any reality beyond their cosy little London mums-and-coffees-and-gym circle. And - surprise, surprise - they are books about cosy little London mums-and-coffees-and-gym circles.

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badgermonkey · 30/12/2008 12:26

I love that Mitchell and Webb sketch - in fact, they are very good at getting to the heart of some of these genre cliches.

I physically can't read second-person stuff. It's pretentious and annoying as hell.

Colbeck · 30/12/2008 12:25

It makes me feel like me and Charlotte Bronte are mates.

why are you winking, I'm nervous now, what don't I know????

NancysGarden · 30/12/2008 12:22

Total bastard, I know. Colbeck you are the first person I have ever encountered to admit to this..

cocolepew · 30/12/2008 12:22

And any book by Tess Gritessen (or something like that) I've had the misfortune to read, the woman Dr, or whatever, always hates the policeman in it. But then by the last chapter she's in love with him and they get married.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:21

I wonder whether dads can write convincing "family/domestic" novels. I can only think - and all have their faults - of Parsons and Dave Hill and Hornby (to an extent). And modesty prevents from adding another.

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TotalChaos · 30/12/2008 12:19

oh yes, coco, that's a more minor gripe - the professionals who are so dedicated to their crimebusting (can be legal as well as medical) that they barely have time to draw breath, let alone have any sort of existence outside their job.

cocolepew · 30/12/2008 12:19

Oh and Harry bloody Potter is utter shite.

Hermoine "squeakes" something or Harry laughs "heartily".

Does she have to have a description of everything?

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:19

badger - have you seen Mitchell & Webb's TV hospital drama "Really Strong Medicine" sketch?

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Colbeck · 30/12/2008 12:18

Oh I LOVE the 'reader, I married him' type asides!!!!

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:18
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NancysGarden · 30/12/2008 12:17

Yup

badgermonkey · 30/12/2008 12:17

The first series of 'Teachers' does a pretty good job of showing school life from a teacher's point of view; the other series are a bit too silly too be realistic (entertaining, though).

I am sure people like doctors, nurses and policemen get annoyed, too. I often get wound up by hospital scenes in books and TV programmes and I know nothing about it.

Colbeck · 30/12/2008 12:16

I thought for a few minutes 'oh UQD is married to Rachel Johnson' (and MD thinks he should divorce her for writing crap.)

But now I see he's not, shame.

You know who else wries crap? Iain Hislops wife (her name escapes me, they should have just put Iain Hislops wife on the cover and been done with it), that Isalnd thing, was utter shite I didn't finish it and that's rare for me.

cocolepew · 30/12/2008 12:16

American crime books were the heoine can'tbe super duper at her job and lead anything resembling a normal life. They all have ishoos.

Yes, you Sarpetta et al.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:16

"Reader, I married him?"

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NancysGarden · 30/12/2008 12:15

To answer OP's q, how about YOu, the (dear) reader, being referred to! (While it's not a thing of today I find it the single most irking technique going...)

badgermonkey · 30/12/2008 12:14

I very rarely finish a school-set novel, so I don't think there are any. That Jilly Cooper one was an unsuprisingly egregious offender.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:14

TV does a bit better on the school front. Jimmy McGovern's "Hearts And Minds" with Chris Eccleston showed a lot of what it was like, and even "Grange Hill" started to show the teachers actually leaving when it was dark with big boxes of marking, rather than just knocking off when the kids did!

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moondog · 30/12/2008 12:12

No.
Not even any authentic boarding school stuff.
Peopel were never discussing the Big Issues.All we talked about was Spandau Ballet, and getting off with fit lads.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:11

totalchaos - to be fair, I bet authors aren't really happy with those monikers either. They are desperate attempts by publishers to slap labels on stuff. I've never really understood what makes one book "literary" and another not.

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badgermonkey · 30/12/2008 12:11

I like kids; they're funny and mostly pretty smart and kind, but have you ever listened to them talk to each other when they don't think adults are listening? They talk RUBBISH. Just vast amounts of garbage. Which is fine, they're children, but it bears no resemblance to the conversations children have in films or novels.

UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:10

badger and moondog, you are so right. Is there any convincing state-school-set fiction at all?

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UnquietDad · 30/12/2008 12:09

It always makes me laugh in "The Railway Children" when the impoverished family escape to that haven for the destitute, the "little cottage" (actually a bloody great big farmhouse) in Yorkshire, and mum takes up that well-known lucrative pursuit, writing short stories for magazines.

Yes, how about a few more "slummy/scummy mummy" novels?

Aaagh, the Grail, save us from the Grail! And from races against time which threaten to uncover secrets which will tear families apart! And from "shattering events" after which "nothing will be the same..."

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moondog · 30/12/2008 12:08

Badger, that's why i can't be doing with a lot of films, 'Son of Rambow' being main offender.Kids just aren't like that. Ever.

moondog · 30/12/2008 12:07

Mind you,there is a bottomless market for crap.At boarding school (early/mid 80s) we would devour Judith Krantz and Danielle Steele. Lots of swirly embossed gold writing on cover.