Book icks

When characters are assigned multiple names. I love Georgette Heyer but the titled men can be addressed by their first name, their surname, their title, maybe their military rank and a childhood nickname. That's 4 or 5 names for one person. It confuses me.

i also get confused when fantasy or sci fi novels do the same thing but it's even worse because they are not real names so they are even harder to keep track of.

1. I hate it when the printing in paperback books is too close to the spine and you really have to prise the book open to read it.
2. Also cheap paper in colouring books, so that a page you have coloured in transfers onto a page that you have not coloured in, but where looking forward to doing it at the weekend.
3. Join the Dot books, where the 'joined up' picture ends up all angular and not at all like a real giraffe (or elephant etc.) but more like a Tesla Cybertruck.

Edited as my proof reader was not paying attention again.

Oh yes! American terms for the UK fit so badly. They'll also use "blocks" as a unit of distance which really doesn't work in UK cities. Another one I've seen is a supposedly British character giving directions by saying "head north and then..." Like anyone has any idea which way north is unless you're on the M1. Our cities aren't laid out like that!

Already mentioned above but...

Anything in italics.

Anything written in a sort of phonetic "accent". The only exception to this is Stuart McBride - Roberta Steel is one of my favourite characters ever.

Also...

"A bellyful of arms and legs" - narrows eyes at Martina Cole - it's a great expression the first time you read it, but it doesn't need to be shoe-horned into every single page.

The ubiquitous "yellow legal pad" The colour of the paper isn't relevant and I still have no idea what a 'legal pad' is which distinguishes it from any other sort of pad of paper. You're just writing something down.

‘Crooked smile’ FFS not all men have this and those that do look weird, not cute!

An American author writing about the UK and using ‘soda’, ‘sidewalk’ and ‘purse’ for handbag. Where the fuck was their editor?

Really interesting though is Lee Child Reacher books. All set in the US. Lee Child is British, and he always spells it kerb, not the American curb. Which also seems wrong!!

When halfway through a book they describe the character's physical appearance for the first time. So then I've got to completely reimagine this character as black, white, red haired, short haired, whatever. It takes me away from the story I've pictured in my head and I lose interest.

Oh god yes, I don't want extra pages from a different book at the end, I want the book to be the whole book!

On a related note: spoilers in forewords and introductions. If you're ever reading the Hornblower series by CS Forester, I strongly recommend that you DO NOT read the forewords by Bernard Cornwell. He includes major character death spoilers, because he's writing the forewords for each book in order of publication. A great many people (myself included) read the series in chronological order from Hornblower's point of view, so the forewords have spoilers for books much further on in the series. I'm so angry that Cornwell wrote them, and that the editors included them.

Loads of writers do this, though?

I really dislike when a book ends on a sudden cliffhanger. In my opinion a book should be able to stand alone, even if the author intends for it to be part of series. I can appreciate leaving some mystery or unfinished business, and many authors do this well. But there are some who seem to delight in leaving readers in the lurch, choosing to end the book just when things are finally starting to happen.

This isn’t plot thing, but when an author does something “unique” (by which I mean pretentious). For example, Sally Rooney not using speech marks because she doesn’t “understand their function”. Give me a break.

When they shoehorn something in that they don't have a clue about it

The very last sweet valley book was a classic example

It was obvious the author had never used either Facebook or Instagram and didn't have a clue on how they worked,but Jessica used them as part of her job

The others didn't seem to have heard of it

Another bugbear is when the story doesn't move along

I was taught a good book has a start,middle and end

Some don't have a start,sag in the middle and have an open ended finish

Another one - when there isn't a list of characters at the beginning of a historical novel. Am currently reading the Robert Harris Cicero trio and I am constantly trying to remember who is who.

And another one (on a roll here) when the final 15 pages or so are of the author's next book. I never read those pages.

Authors who spell out regional accents phonetically. Apart from it being incredibly irritating to read, they only ever do it for working class or ‘foreign’ characters and it’s SO patronising and snobbish. It also patronises the reader by assuming we can’t imagine for ourselves what, eg, a Mancunian or a Cockney sounds like.

I also hate clunky exposition through contrived dialogue. I once gave up on a crime novel within about 30 pages because the detective was introduced to someone who said “I’m Fred Bloggs” and the detective said something like “Ah yes, I know who you are. You’re a member of parliament, elected in 1997. You went to grammar school and then read history at Cambridge. You’ve been married to your wife since 1989 and you have three daughters, one of whom is…” and that went on like that for about four paragraphs.

On a more practical note, you’d have to pay me to read a novel printed in a san serif font.

Was just coming to say - 'this will make me sound thick, but when all the character names start with the same letter - like Hannah, Haley and Hamble'. But my excuse is I read a lot, and I speed read... 😄

That happened to Neville and thats how they knew he wasnt a squib (his uncle? Did it as a test...)

Also agree with a pp..I never read poetry, lyrics in the middle of a novel, and I never ever look at the map at the beginning.

When a character suddenly launches into a tirade of the author's personal political views. The worst example i have come across is Sandwich by Catherine Newman, which was basically a pro abortion essay. The point where I almost threw the book was where she discusses abortion with her husband, who is in total agreement with her - up til then he has been portrayed as a physiotherapist. But then she tells us that this was a career change and before that he had been a professor of philosophy. Really?! All to bolster up her case because of course this elevates his opinions in a way that being a physio wouldn't. I was so infuriated, like I can't draw my own conclusions, it has to be caked on. Up til then I thought she had something interesting to say.

See also Val McDermid.

And I too ignore poetry, songs and recipes really annoy me.

I hate it when a first person narrator describes themself with something visual. Like “the colour drained from my face”. How do you know?? You can’t see your own face??

I hate books with too many characters and also when characters names are very similar like, Kate, katherine, kelly, kim etc.

I also dislike overly described food and flowers.

I mean why didnt he just throw him out the window in the first place... babies don't bounce

This is mine too! Ridiculous.

The other thing that annoys me is when the main "character trait" of a woman's love interest is just that he turns out to be incredibly wealthy.

The phrase "I couldn't help but notice how..." or "She couldn't help noticing that..."

Don't know why it bothers me but once I see it in a book then I see it every damn time.

Why didn’t Voldemort just Avada Kedavra Harry as soon as he laid eyes on him? He prattled and ponced around too much and made it far harder than it needed to be.

Oh god I hate this, they are so far off the mark. I remember reading a Stephen King book where he'd tried to write about the sensation a woman felt when having her period.
Another male author wrote a shit book from the point of view of a woman main character. Mentioned her going to 'pee' at least twenty times.