Book icks

I have rather embarrassed myself! I will get a new copy and reread; paying proper attention this time! Oh dear. The shame.

I will allow one exception: Susan Gates's Criss-cross, where the story is told entirely through notes passed in class by schoolchildren. Then the different fonts make sense as surrogates for different handwritings.

Talking of Bethnal Green, Hester Burton's In spite of all terror has London schoolchildren setting off for evacuation from a tube station which is not named, but is clearly on the Central Line east of Liverpool Street, but the Central Line didn't run east of Liverpool Street until after the war.

But as TinyToeBeans said, women don't always want to read about women. It does sometimes seem like box ticking bandwagon jumping by publishers. Some years ago it seemed like every other new book was a police procedural where the central character was a woman DI or DCI. Who of course has to contend with jealousy and sexism from her male colleagues, and probably has personal problems too.

Because the overwhelming majority of fiction writers are women. Because the overwhelming majority of readers of fiction are women.

Female leads. I read books as an escapism from normal life - my normal life is female, so I want to read male characters. And it seems like nigh on every book right now when you're perusing the new releases is full of female main characters. Fantasy feels particularly bad for that just now. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't such a 'thing'. I love some Terry Pratchett and his female leads, but now it's all about ticking boxes and it's cringy.

I love that!

Just occasionally a publisher will do the right thing. Jan Mark's Handles is set in Norfolk and much of the dialogue is in Norfolk dialect. I was pleased, coming across an American edition some years ago, to find that all this had been preserved - they just put a glossary of the dialect words at the back.

Dead women.

Yes, a character called Cashel would destroy all credibility for me, as I'm too fond of the cheese.

"She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards."

The entire paragraph is seared into my brain. I have zero tolerance for this type of writing now.

That is realistic. DCI’s and above rarely leave their offices particularly uniform ones other than to go to meetings, Detective DCIs and Supt will go to major crime scenes. They certainly don’t go round questioning witnesses, suspects or arresting people. That is something that annoy’s every Police officer relating to Police dramas. It’s the sergeants and constables who do all the hands on work. DCI Grace I’m looking at you.

And they are never ever pleased with the dci for single-handedly solving a case. Oh no, there’s at best a grudging hrrrrmph.

I had to teach that book. Halfway through I wanted to kill him myself.

Lack of punctuation which means it’s impossible to know if someone is talking or not, and which person is talking so you end up having to trace your way back up the text to figure out who said what!

I strongly believe that if the characters are well enough drawn you should be able to tell from their dialogue who is speaking, without needing more than an occasional 'said Joe' 'said Jane' to keep track.

In P&P for example, you'd know whether it was Jane or Elizabeth or Lydia speaking, or Darcy or Bingley, without needing Jane Austen to tell you.

The ones in The Bill rarely left their offices other than to go to senior level meetings and PR things - and that was regarded in its time as a highly realistic police drama. I have no experience of the reality of being a police officer though!

It often seems weird to me that a Superintendent will be out actively investigating a case, possibly with a Chief Inspector as sidekick.

I’d have thought superintendents would be more at management level.

Lack of punctuation which means it’s impossible to know if someone is talking or not, and which person is talking so you end up having to trace your way back up the text to figure out who said what! when one character talks all IN CAPS WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE TO READ without getting incensed. Prayer for Owen meany, Im looking at you!

• DCI has extremely sexist, misogynistic Superintendent who is in the Masons

It's the rule in police dramas, on tv as well as in books, that the main character's boss is always an idiot, regardless of sex of main character.

Did anyone mention the world's greatest assassin / general / poisoner / hacker / etc at 17?

The female DCI in police procedurals.

Regulation 271 (a) .2 states the fictional female DCI must at all times tick no fewer than half of the following boxes:

• In her late 30s/early 40s but still attractive
• Single mum to troubled child
• Frustrating co-parenting with difficult ex
• Ex has new younger wife who is pregnant
• DCI has on/off relationship with fellow, male, detective
• DCI is recovering from recent major cock up in her career
• DCI has ageing parent with serious illness
• DCI has extremely sexist, misogynistic Superintendent who is in the Masons
• DCI is extremely tired all the time
• DCI drinks a swimming pool full of coffee every day
• DCI has permanently empty fridge and lives off half-eaten petrol station sandwiches
• DCI is a borderline alcoholic

Note - failure to comply will result in prosecution of author. Anything you say may be written down in evidence.

Honestly, I can live without it. Not a huge fan of her in any way.

Oh god it changes massively also first chapter is about how awful the ‘perfect’ family are so you dont know, sorry 🤣

I couldn’t get past chapter 1 in book one, the writing was up its own arse.

@butimamonstersaidthemonsterin fairness she didn’t pretend to be paralysed.

it was horrendous though and she went to great extremes to maintain the rouse.